Are you there, LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Elrond.

I’m petitioning to change the name of my house. There’s nothing homely or plain about it. Can’t we change it from "Homely House" to Ornate House or maybe Elrond’s Pimped Out Palace?

I mean, if we called it a “pimped out palace,” it would really bridge the generation gap and speak to the clueless noobs out there that aren’t part of the first, second or third age.

Are you there LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Strider.

I think with my popularity, I should renegotiate my contract. I deserve some artistic license and creative input. In the next chapter quest I’m in, how about we add in a few hot Elven chicks, a cute little Hobbit chick and a hot spring?

Now, hear me out. This could be even hotter than that whole scandal relating to the brigand chick death sounds of old. In fact, why don’t we add the brigand women to the quest as my alleged captors and let them have their sounds back…just for the quest…and just whenever my blade is near?

Of course, that might be a bad idea. If they’re my captors, I have no reason or desire to escape. Think about it though. The women and the sounds…it will really help my immersion.

Are you there LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Splintertusk.

Thanks for not making me extinct! I love that almost everywhere I go, I can find other boar-kind. <3

I have just two requests for you. One, I’d like to see Middle Earth more boar-friendly. (Too many of us are often killed time and time again.) And two, it would be great if you could legalize boar migrations to Evendim. Some of us are a little upset that Evendim discriminates against our kind. In fact, we're thinking about filing a class action discrimination lawsuit unless this change is made.

Are you there LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Helchgam.

I was thinking…Putrid Slime doesn’t really seem PC/politically correct. How about Health-Challenged Fluidic Substance Matter? Or maybe Nearly-Almost-Fresh Glandular Output?

I think it might encourage more people to take that off my hands if only the name had a better connotation to it than Putrid Slime.

Are you there, LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Gandalf.

I was wondering if you could mail me more pipeweed. I'm nowhere near an auction house and the farmers have cut me off.

It’s 2pm and it feels like I’ve been without for nearly a fortnight. My last smoke was at 1:55pm.

Are you there LOTRO Devs? It’s me, "Daffodil."**

Thanks for the pies. No, really. Thanks. Thanks a lot! I’m now over 500 pounds after weeks of feeling I must eat a perfect pie every 5 to 10 minutes. And since I take a horse everywhere I go, I can’t seem to take the weight off.

Would you be willing to consider implementing liposuction or stomach stapling in a future patch? I know it doesn’t fit with lore, but um…I’m desperate to lose this weight! If not, please consider low-fat, low-calorie sweets options.

Are you there LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Dire Warg.

First, I just want to say how much I love it in the North Downs!  Plenty of other wargs around to fellow with, and since we all have lifetime subs, I know I’ll never be lonely there. (Oh, and let me give a shout-out/howl-out to all my buddies in the homelands now. *fullmoon howl*)

I was just wondering though if you have given any thought to allowing us to dye our fur. I see humanoids with dyed armor all the time, so it only seems fair to give us the option with our fur. Just think how much more ruthless and dire I’d look if my fur could be blood-red.

Oh, and maybe you could consider the addition of warg-groomers. In summer, it would be nice if I could shorten my fur “coat.”

Are you there, LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Frodo.

Can you choose someone else to bear the ring? I think I’m a little old to roleplay the role of the ring bearer. Can’t you just make me an usher or something? You know, someone that’s on the sidelines, out of the limelight?

P.S. I'll trade the ring back for a beryl shard. I really need one of those way more than a ring and there's no way I'm spawn camping for it! Legolas keeps stealing the rare spawn from me. =(

Are you there, LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Gandalf. (Again.)

I don't mean to whine, but I'm Gandalf! How can you ignore me like this?! I'm uber! I'm powerful! I'm a star! You're supposed to cater to my every whim and demand! How do you expect me to honor my contract with you if you won't send me pipeweed on demand?!

Please hurry or I'll think about really messing things up for you. I might even join Sauron's army. (I hear they have a great benefit package.)

Are you there LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Sturdy Long-Tusk.

Plz help! There’s abuse in the Lone Lands. /report: body snatchers. I tried to report this to in-game support, but they only laughed at me and said there was nothing they could do.

Humanoids have been knocking me and my buddies out and stealing our stomachs and haunches while we’re unconscious! This has happened more times than I care to remember. This behavior is harassing, demeaning, exploitive and completely uncalled for!

What’s next? Our livers and spleens?! Plz fix this or we’ll steal theirs!!

Are you there LOTRO Devs? It’s me,

Anonymous Gold Seller aka Scum of the Middle Earth.

I am the white rabbit. I am the jackal. I am your Eleanor. You think you have me but then you don’t. I am more resilient than elastic and longer lasting than your sanity.

I have the power to rebuild myself. I have the power to create more accounts. I have the power to spam! Mwuhahaha! I can replicate faster than a copy machine. Catch me if you can. I’ll just get another noob account! =p

Are you there LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Outcast Forest-Hunter (wolf).

Can I get some sort of homing beacon or maybe an escort quest to help me get back to my spot sooner? My pack worries about my safety, you know.

If you can't do either of those things, maybe you could consider relocating me through the Middle Earth Witness Protection Program? I have witnessed some pretty horrible and gruesome murders in the forest. Therefore, my life is always at risk there but I can't afford to move anywhere else.

Are you there LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Sara Oakheart.

You’re right. They are completely annoyed at me for the binds I get myself in, but I love it! There’s no such thing as bad publicity and I never have a lonely night anymore! Thanks, team LOTRO! You’re the best! <3

Are you there, LOTRO Devs? It's me, "Brigitte."**

Hardly anyone wants to fight me with these nerfed death sounds. Nerf my weapon or my armor if you must, but please, un-nerf my voice! The orcs and goblins are starting to look good to me now, and I know I deserve better than that! I don't want to be lonely anymore!

If you un-nerf me, I promise to save all the best loot for you.

Are you there, LOTRO Devs? It’s me, Gandalf. (Yep, me...again!)

If I don't get it today, Frodo's done for. So is Strider, Elrond, Galadriel, Pippin, Merry, Boromir, Samwise, Bilbo, Arwen, Gimli, Farmer Maggot, all the nosey hobbits.........and a long list of others, including every single one of your alts!

I might be willing to let Legolas live, but only because he's a hunter and I use him as my travel agent on occasion. You have until the end of the day to make your decision. There will be no negotiations.

All my worst to you and yours. =p

Gandalf