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Defining Middle Earth

LOTRO on My Terms

 

...a humorous yet definitive guide to terminology for the lands and times of Middle Earth, Lord of the Rings and LOTRO as Onyx of Lick an Ear defines it. Words and phrases you may not find defined elsewhere.

 

Note: Terms below are not actual "serious" meanings for any in-game locations, beings, etc.  These are humorous definitions for entertainment and fun.

 

Atrollcious (pronunciation: ah-trohl-shus) - Extremely diabolical, barbaric villainous behavior exhibited by ogre-like beings - known as trolls - often rumored to guard bridges. Largely, the bridge guarding is known as an "old dwarf's tale," started by a dwarf with an axe to grind...on a troll.

 

Bad Hobbit - 1. A "bad hobbit" is a burglar or thief by profession. 2. A hobbit or other small being that dies often in battle or has not learned his/her survival capabilities well yet may also be referred to as a "bad hobbit."

 

Bamfurlong - Location in-game that has a suggestive name. Sexual innuendo, suggestion or question that probably occurs between a dwarf and a human after ten or twenty too many mugs of ale.

 

Barrow Downs - 1. A game hobbit children love to play after their parents have had too much pipeweed and ale. Children take the empty kegs or barrels, climb inside and "barrow down" hills. (Hobbit children who do this too soon after eating tend not to repeat the mistake.) 2. Unfriendly neighborhood frequented by the dead and/or dying (which could be you upon entry to the area).

 

Cohobbitate (pronunciation: koh-hob-it-ate) - Fellowship consisting of two hobbits.

 

Elf - (verb tenses: Elfin', Elfing, Elfs, Elfed) - Derogatory slang. Often used in hushed whispers as a replacement for a certain word beginning with an "f" or an "eff" sound that is usually used as a swear word, but can also refer to sexual intercourse. (It should be noted that most actual elvin beings take offense at the word "elf" being thrown around in such a demeaning and careless manner.)

"Elf" may be used as a verb or a noun.

Examples of usage:

Elf you!     -     I don't give an elf!     -               Elfin' A!

That's elfed up!     -     Go elf yourself!     -     Elf off!

Wanna elf?     -     That elfer really elfed me over!     -     What the elf?!

 

Hobbitual - A state of being wherein a type of virtual behavior feels so natural to a person that it becomes second nature. Specifically, hobbitual is when role-playing a hobbit in a virtual realm feels more natural and comfortable than being a human in the real world.

 

Middle Earth - Land of Lord of the Rings. In terms of a sandwich cookie, remove and/or bite off the bottom and top layers. You are then left with the best part --- the "middle" or creamy center...and that, simply put, is Middle Earth.

 

Natural Hobbitat - The Shire. Homeland of most hobbits. No further information available at this time, as Homeland Security for The Shire felt that providing any further detail would jeopardize their safety and security.

 

Sickle-fly - Winged insect suffering sickle-cell anemia. It is considered humane to kill these flies.

 

Soo-boarmodel - Slang for a pig/boar version of a stick-thin supermodel found in LOTRO. Extemely successful fashion modeling pig who has obtained celebrity or fame through posing, displaying and/or flaunting its boarish assets. Soo-boarmodels have often given up their boar-stomachs for an unrelated in-game quest in order to become modeling pigfessionals (aka professionals).

 

Stroll - A harmless troll seen wandering the landscape without attacking anything. Any troll can seem a "stroll"...until you invade its personal space.

 

The Party Tree - Location in-game where celebrations have occurred. Specifically, though, it is rumored that the tree is known to have served as an outdoor urinal to many a male after too much partying. (Could be worse...at least it wasn't the tree dubbed The Yellow Tree. That tree is located elsewhere, and you can probably smell it from a distance.)

 

Trestlebridge - The path a married male NPC in-game had to cross in order to enlarge his kinship. The final steps of the "bridge" crossing commence on the wedding day with male and female starting in full wedding attire.

 

Weathertop - Land mass located up on a mountain or hilltop used by orc meteorologists to predict climate changes, such as global warming. Also a good locale from which to spy incoming attackers.

 

Wood Troll - A large and strong (but unintelligent) human-like creature exhibiting a state of arousal, but in this case, it usually means the troll is just mentally aroused by the thoughts of your demise.

 

 

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