Scholarly Class Action

A large number of scholars have banded together recently in the filing of a class action lawsuit against the owners, proprietors and management staff of a number of leading sources for early learning scholarly goods.

Those being sued are primary suppliers of tier 1 and/or 2 scholar nodes, also referred to as shattered pitchers and broken urns.

The lawsuit claims plaintiffs have sustained unnecessary --- and sometimes deep --- wounds, slivers, scrapes and cuts as a result of handling the broken and shattered items. Some scholars further allege those cuts and scrapes have also lead to serious MRSA (methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus) "staph" infections, requiring a doctor's diagnoses, prescriptive measures and follow-up medical treatment.

Among key areas specifically named or targeted in the suit are Ost Baranor, Blackwold HQ and Andrath in Bree-land; Kheledul and Tham Gelair in Ered Luin; and Old Odo's Leaf-Farm in the Shire.

Scholars wishing to be added to the growing list of plaintiffs in this class action lawsuit have until April 1st to file a claim.

When asked for comment, no named defendant wished to go on record with a response.

However, one anonymous employee of Ost Baranor had this to say, "I tried to warn management, but they didn't take my concerns seriously. In fact, they threatened to fire me if I reported them to the SSHA (Scholar Safety and Health Administration). Without a labor union for me to turn to, I did what any self-disrespecting Blackwold Poacher would do...I covered my ass and kept my mouth shut."

Éogar and Hengstacer Farms Sued for Negligence

A new lawsuit filed just last week claims that both Éogar and Hengstacer Farms are guilty of negligence and greater offenses regarding the condition and quality of ponies and horses they provide to buyers of the level 35+ equivalent mounts.

Plaintiffs claim horses and ponies often break their legs, thus slowing their travel capabilities until healing is complete. Though the animals generally appear to heal quite quickly, they often re-injure those same legs, sometimes even 20 or more times in one day!

The suit also alleges that the mounts slow upon damage received from creatures, rather than being spurred on to faster travel in an attempt to flee the danger. This has, in turn, put the riders' lives in danger, often resulting in personal injury that has, at times, resulted in...imminent and untimely death!

Plaintiffs are seeking both criminal and civil justice in these matters.

As a result of the accusations made, concerned authorities are also investigating related suspicion of animal cruelty, malnutrition and improper disposal of fecal waste matter.

Hontimurz and Guards Arrested

In a covert sting operation earlier today at Naerost in the Lone-Lands, authorities arrested Hontimurz and his guards under suspicion of steroid use.

Numerous complaints made over a period of months by high level LOTROnians alerted authorities that Hontimurz and his associates may be just a few of many beings in Middle Earth illegally using steroids.

Though Hontimurz, 25, and his guards (all aged 24) are well beneath the abilities and skill levels of level 40 to level 50 LOTROnians, a number of those LOTROnians have been shocked and appalled at having sustained injuries as a result of their battles with them.

One anonymous hunter even went so far as to say, "It's intolerable! This is outright madness! Sure, I had to provoke them into attacking before they actually would, but at my level...I would never have picked on them had I thought they could draw even a single drop of my blood!"

A champion added, "Something must be done. I will not have my strength, skill and accomplishments diminished in capacity or importance by a bunch of cheating, exploiting, illegal (bleeping) drug users!"

Authorities would not comment on what, if any, charges Hontimurz and his guards will likely face. The only information they would corroborate is that samples have been sent to the lab for further testing and evaluation.

If you or anyone you know have reason to suspect another being in Middle Earth of steroid use, you are asked to report your suspicions to local authorities. All tips are considered anonymous.

Metalsmith Found Guilty

Local metalsmith NPC and manufacturer of an Inferior Mining Pick found guilty of negligence when an inferior pick cost one area woman her left eye.

Originally dubbed a freak accident, the pick broke off the handle and pierced through the woman's eye. Doctor's removed the pick, but could not save the eye. Amazingly, no other organs were damaged.

After weeks of courtroom testimony, an astounding verdict was announced. The judge ordered an almost unheard of restitution to the defendant......literally...an eye for an eye.

Though the metalsmith served no jail time, he was ordered to surrender his left eye to the defendant. Within 2 hours, doctors had successfully removed his left eye and transplanted it in the woman's left eye socket.

Furthermore, the metalsmith NPC was banned from tool sales for 30 days or until such a time as when he  creates, distributes and provides official instruction and warning documentation along with each and every inferior tool he offers from this point forward. Failure to obey the judge's ruling will result in future legal action and consequence, up to and including incarceration in Archet Jail!

The metalsmith, however, was acquitted of one count of false advertising, since after all...he always had advertised the inferior mining pick as "inferior."

Overall, the plaintiff in this case reports satisfaction with the judge's ruling and says she hopes no one else has to suffer as she did. She also warns, "Sometimes, you get what you pay for. If you can afford it, buy a better tool. And if you can't and you're a miner...expect the fun and games to stop when a pick pokes your eye out."

Adoptions Voided

A prominent Notary in the Bree Town Hall reports a disturbing increase in the number of adoptions terminated, abandoned, voided and/or surrendered.

This, after a delightful increase in the rate of adoptions within the last 4-6 weeks.

The Notary expressed concern that single parents are considering adoption without realizing the full ramifications and responsibilities parenting entails. Some adopted children are "special needs," come from broken homes or have been raised in the extremely traumatic and abusive environment of gold selling.

The Notary explained, "Each of these children have needs and all want love...some will even advertise and sell their soul....or rather, their gold...for it!"

She continues, "It's tragic...these kids on the streets selling gold, panhandling, spamming our communications channels with their need for attention. All we can do is love them enough to adopt them...and report them."

Notaries all across Middle Earth will be holding a summit next month to discuss their concerns that the legal adoption process may not evaluate prospective parent/child relationships closely enough before the courts finalize hastily made adoptions. Expected to testify are former adoptees Dfkaljsau and Jdkebehhehhe who have been adopted under different names and accounts over 10 times each!

Embezzlement in Angmar

Scandal rocks the caves of both Morfil and Burzum Pushdug, as large numbers of ongburz and tarkrip orcs are charged with embezzlement.

Authorities confiscated a sizable fortune in both silver-nuggets and gold-dust in separate raids at both facilities early last night.

It is unknown at this time just when the alleged embezzlement began, but authorities indicate they have long been suspicious of these shifty-eyed orcs conspiring in caves!

One unidentified officer reports that an anonymous tipster contacted authorities on suspicions that the orcs were gold sellers. It was upon investigation of that tip that authorities first found evidence of corruption in the caves.

Though they were deemed innocent of selling gold, it's then that authorities began finding all the silver and gold the orcs had secretly begun amassing.

It is unclear at this time what the orcs had planned to do with their fortunes, but the government suspects their apprehension may have thwarted a possible terrorist attack.