Dance Routine Patent Violation

During the summer festival, an elf charged a hobbit at the Party Tree of stealing his dance moves. The hobbit then counter-sued.

Not wanting to be left out, a dwarf sued them both for the same violation.

All parties have since settled out of court for undisclosed sums.

Summer Festival: Fest of Arrest!

Constables across Middle Earth  report an unprecedented number of arrests during this year's summer fest. Judging by their tallies, this year's fest was a huge hit, especially among Inn League Tavern members whose numbers grew immensely during that time.

Though the violations and charges are too numerous to fully detail, constables stated serious concern of the following tallies:

• 34,976 drunken disorderly conduct violations.

• 22,335 charged with horse-riding while intoxicated, with 119 of those refusing breathalyzer testing.

• 8,801 reports of underage drinking.

• Countless accidents and deaths of which authorities refused all requests to release exact figures and details so as not to cause alarm among the populace.

• and 29,887 known instances of beer-goggling...in the Shire alone!

Additionally, constables responded to 24,587 reports of substance abuse and 7,439 tavern brawls. They also received thousands of reports of dancers with 2-left feet, but noted those are not a matter for authorities and should not be deemed "emergency" matters in the future.

Constables and minstrels worked overtime in an effort to keep Middle Earth safe during the festival, and yet still many accidents and deaths could not be prevented. Authorities urge moderation, caution and care in the future or such festivals could likely be banned.

Legal Name Change Request

A female positively identified as Amarthiel has filed court documents requesting a legal name change for personal reasons.

Unconfirmed reports allege Amarthiel has expressed interest to legally change her name to the kinder, gentler-sounding yet always soooo terribly troublesome Sara Oakheart.

Unlicensed Fishing

Several fishermen were issued fines last month when they were caught fishing without licenses as they attempted to fish in the boar fountain in Bree. They were further reprimanded when they were found to be using improper bait or, in some cases, no bait at all.

Every master fisherman/woman knows one cannot master fishing without properly mastering the bait!

Said one of the unidentified fisherman, "You said master......er, um......oh, catfish cakes! I'll be censored if I say what I think you meant, won't I?!"**

The unlicensed fishermen were also suspected to have been drinking at the time they attempted to fish fish in the fountain! Clearly, they were not in their right minds. Fish in a boar fountain indeed! If anything, there would be boars communally bathing together in a rather unattractive and disgusting display of immodesty!

Ring-Lore Recovered

Those considered responsible for the initial "loss" and/or embezzlement of 70,000 pieces of ring-lore have been charged with embezzling and 70,000 felony counts of criminal negligence. They have also since been released from their employment sans severance packages and letters of recommendation. Indictment is expected as are several years' worth of appeals.

Prosecutors remain confident of victory as they seek the highest possible punishment for these largely white-collar crimes.

One prosecutor vowed, "No parole. No superior lembas. No work/fellowship-release."

The lead prosecutor also added, "The complete disregard for law and order, as well as the outright in-your-face audacity of these individuals is appallingly scandalous! A bigger atrocity our justice system has never seen! We will see these individuals brought to justice. We're talking 70,000 pieces of ring-lore. Rest assured, the DNA evidence we've catalogued is immensely irrefutable...not to mention takes up a lot of space!"

In an astounding turn of events, a coordinated effort of countless Lotronians resulted in the recovery and return of all 70,000 pieces of ring-lore. Authorities are stymied yet enthusiastically relieved at such an unexpected outcome.

Said one anonymous orc whose kin lost his life to those seeking ring-lore, "It's the kind of fellowship that warms my heart even as it tore another kin's apart searching for that ring-lore! Yeah, that's right. I have a heart. Somewhere. At least on the days I take my bi-polar meds."