AUGUST 2008

Burglar

Though you enjoy combat and the shape it keeps you in, sometimes, you Burglars just want to play and make mischief. And other times, you just want to showcase your dramatic abilities.

Don't be shy this month (unless, of course, you're just trying to stealth around =p.) Try out those new emotes you heard about...especially whippitydo, which is something you think quite often while you hear the hardest of the hardcore barking fellowship orders. You're a Burglar, you can get away with etiquette no-no's like public whippitydo's more easily than most. After all, as a Burglar, you'd never be respected if your courtesy and thoughtfulness was more renowned than your fellowship maneuvers, trips and tricks!)

Throw a surprise war party for a few elites and countless others all throughout the month. You and your fellow will be glad you did, even if the guests of honor end up dead beneath your feet. Sometimes, you forget the unstoppable power of your maneuvers combined with the skills of others in your fellowship! It happens.

Captain

After months of struggles, you've finally learned how to make an actual (and joyful) noise with your rallying horn. And to think, some said old captains couldn't learn new tricks! We're so proud of you. Just remember to keep practicing. We wouldn't want you to lose or forget this newfound ability so soon after finally getting it right!

This new ability has even impressed your herald/heraldette so much that he/she follows you with a bit more ease and dedication these days. Congratulations! You really are getting your troops in order! However, beware of cliffs, sharp corners and aggressive aggro mode, as your troops are still less than perfect...even on their best days!

You deserve to celebrate. Try the Inn League Keg ales. Just don't be surprised if you wake up in unfamiliar territory. So long as you can still sound up your rallying horn...it's all good!

Champion

August is a month of exploration and discovery for you. Explore new quests, rediscover a few of the quests gone by and journey to new lands. Your sense of adventure has been re-awoken, no matter the danger and darkness you fear may lie in the months yet to come.

You're a Champion! You've trained for and live for excitement, danger and hitting on 3 others at once! Be especially careful though on the 10th and 19th, as not all foursomes are as stimulating as you imagine...nor as healthy for you, physically!

Unheeded advice on the 19th could land you in the resurrection zone without anyone to rez you.

Guardian

Crafting changes pique your interest, so be sure to spend time on your crafts and hobbies in August. This will offer you a nice break from any battle-weariness you may be suffering as of late. The changes in your crafting profession will likely provide you renewed joy and a greater sense of accomplishment.

Your fondness for acorns is disturbing to the point of addiction, but your friends know it's as tough a habit for you to break as smoking pipeweed is to a hobbit! Pass around more acorns to friends this month and they'll be more understanding......even if a bit envious, wishing the acorns worked for them in the same manner they do for you!

Go easy on your friends if they moan and groan about you wanting them to "acorn" you to their side...yet again...and again...and again. They just don't always like to be the ones to have to call you first!

Lucky days: 12th, 26th and 28th.

Hunter

Last month, many of you rediscovered your love of fishing and that love grows stronger this month. Fish long enough throughout the month, and you may even discover some new fish, joy and rewards in this relaxing pastime of yours.

A good deed or two may be your calling this month. Do not rush it. Take your time on these good deeds, as you will reap the rewards eventually. Even the best of Hunters have to remain alert and patient while on the hunt, deed or dating scene.

Review your approach to hotties (aka Drakes) and Merrevail. Traps and bow chants may help, but it's your arrow to their hearts that really captures their attention, even as those same hearts bleed and ache...and not just for you but because of you! Lighten up. Not all Drakes and Merrevail are your type...especially if they're 4 or more levels above you...or...are elite and you're alone!

Play reverse taxi on the 23rd. In other words, *hail* a Captain (aka...be the summoned one rather than the travel agent taking everyone else places)!

Lore-master

New dyes have you excited...oh, how easily aroused your interests are!** The time has come for a new look. Enjoy the shopping spree, but don't make any hasty decisions on the 1st, 3rd or 13th.

You'll notice your pets are more obedient, nearly always close behind your heels no matter how far or wide you travel. That obedience school you thought about sending your pets to? No matter how imaginary the thought, it finally pays off! You can't help but wonder, though, how long it will be before your lynx gets distracted again by the scent of a warg's butt or feels the need to wander off to mark what he/she feels is his/her turf...and that obedience is no more!

Don't forget to reward your pets for good behavior --- especially on the 14th --- or it'll end sooner than you think!

**Earnote: But that's a tale for your own bedroom blog some night when you forget your senses, your pets and your ale tolerance level.

Minstrel

Recently you'd been wondering why all your instruments sounded so alike, but wonder no more! Everything seems and sounds in-tune this month! Enjoy it while it lasts. You never know when you'll need to replace your lute strings or when you'll feel like crushing a drum over some herald's head!

With your musicality at its best this month, it's time to learn new songs and mentor more wannabe musicians. Make music, not raid parties!

Watch for steep cliff drop-offs and horses with a penchant for drop-kicking you from them between the 1st and the 15th...not to mention the rest of the month! =p

 JUNE / JULY 2008    (combined)

Burglar

Celebrate summer with your usual carefree attitude and mischievous nature. Don't let anyone curtail the fun you have in trickery, deception and tactical maneuvering! It's summer...enjoy it! Sneak, fool, connive and be merrier than a hobbit in an unexpectedly discovered abundant field of the absolute highest grade pipeweed ever! With that in mind, you're on track to make even Gandalf jealous of your summer enjoyment!

Explore a new musical talent. Find the right Minstrel and you could learn the nuances of such musical a talent as...the cowbell. You never know. It could make you famous someday...at least among the aurochs!

Avoid danger on the 4th of July or things could blow up in your face. Literally. When it comes to kisses, fireworks are nice, but...not all fireworks come from kissing. Watch out for the non-kiss works of fire. They will likely burn you if you're not careful. Keep first aid...and a minstrel...handy!

Captain

You will rediscover an old favorite "haunt" of yours, and likely drag your herald or heraldette along for the trip down memory lane. Reminisce a bit as you maim, slice, hack, slash, bash and slaughter everything in sight. Ahhhh, nothing more relaxing than a summer's night ridding the land of all that haunts you, your herald and the devs that created the landscape!

Once you've gotten that out of your system, you'll sell some worthless junk and repair your well-worn but still loved armor. If it's one of your lucky days June 27th; July 8th; July 11th; July 15th (afternoon only); and one single minute somewhere on the eve of July 28th...you may even discover your battles have earned you a coveted single use recipe or other high-valued item that would auction well if you so choose.

It's time to re-examine your image. Take a look at yourself and give thought to a new outfit or two. What you've been wearing was good enough for you last month or even the month before, but now?! Well, you're a Captain, dress for success! Make sure whatever you're seen in reflects the respected, honorable and courageous individual you are. (And no, the Bree Cat House does not fit that image...sorry!)

Champion

Take a vacation or three. You've earned it. Even the most consummate of Champions needs to rest up to recoup fervor and morale once in awhile. Travel far and wide. Travel nowhere and slim. Either way, the relaxation will be good for you, even if the amount of tarts, pies, Feasts of Rohan and catfish cakes you consume while on vacation aren't!

Feel no guilt. You'll be dieting and obsessing over your guilt often enough in the months to come. (Just remember, there's no such thing as an upstanding orc, so...they had it coming to them! Not so sure about the lynxes, but hey...everyone makes mistakes.)

Summer, however, is the time for excess and fun! Over-eat, over-deed, over-quest, over-relax and maybe even Overhill it...or rather, at least drop in there to remember the easier days and lesser enemies of youth!

Guardian

You will smile at the occasional stranger, but stranger still...you might even kiss, hug, mock, flirt, cheer and laugh at some of those same strangers 5x in a row in a 24-hour period of time. However, you likely reserve this behavior only for close friend --- preferably out of the earshot of others --- so you don't risk being ignored by those who've never even had a chance to know you, let alone even meet you!

You're a Guardian. You'd hate to be seen as too lovey-dovey, sentimental, soft-hearted or touchy-feely. You're supposed to be so strong and fierce with no cracks in the armor of your persona. You know differently, however. On days when there's no one and nothing left to guard, you can't help but get a little teary-eyed and weepy at the emptiness you feel.

Just once, you'd like to put your arms around a warg to hug it instead of sacrifice it so others may live. Would it be so wrong to have a faithful companion or sidekick? After all, Lore-Masters get pets and Captains have heralds/heraldettes...why can't you have a companion, too?!

It's that unspoken lonely wistfulness hidden within your soul that has you always searching for another to guard, escort, aid or rescue! And plenty of those will you find in both June and July!

Hunter

Being the outdoorsy type that you are, it's time you took a break from hunting and spent some time guzzling ale and fishing with friends. It's a great summertime activity for you, especially if there's good ale and conversation to be had while doing it!

It might seem a bit fishy that you're not hunting, but studies have shown...you really will survive. Whether you catch any great fish or not is questionable, but you will survive...at least a little while without hunting, tracking or trapping!

On night-time fishing expeditions, light the occasional campfire and share undead stories. You just may scare up more fish than you'd expect! And if not, at least your toes are toasty and your buns are roasted. =p

Beware the Hunter becoming the hunted around June 30th, July 13th and July 19th. Stay aware and be focused. Your life may depend on it. Towards the end of July, however, relax your guard. The one hunting you has a mad crush on you but is by no means mad or dangerous (merely misunderstood and still suffering the lingering effects of dread from a hard-won battle only moments ago).

Lore-master

You are the master...well, when it comes to matters of lore, if not matters of the heart. Don't be afraid to master that lore even more this summer, as there's no better time than the present to feed your mind and memory...especially if you can do that reading up of quests and other lore while basking in your own yard or the yard of your kinship.

Remove your armor when basking on those sunny days or you'll experience such a serious and lingering stench of perspiration by mid-to-late July that even the foulest of barghests wouldn't claim it as their own! No, it's not the knowledge that you're sweating out...it's probably remnants of that green goo often helpful on battlefield excursions, also known as athelas potions.

All of July, it's mind over matter for you. Whenever there's a question asked to which you know the answer...speak up! You can and will be the envy of many a Lotronian for your wisdom and detail retention. Showcase your mind frequently and by July 27th, you may find others want you for more than just your body (and crowd-control skills =p).

Minstrel

Mentor a Burglar on the cowbell. He or she may think it's just an odd but somewhat funky musical ability to have, but you'll know why you really taught them the skill. The Burglar with a cowbell in his or her backpack will likely no longer be able to "sidle" you or anyone else, thus will no longer take undue credit for anything! Hmm, if you pull this off successfully, you'll be nearly as sneaky as the Burglar you mentor!

Resurrect a stranger in early July and thanks will be your reward. Be careful, though, if the gratitude moves on to emote form, you may have a stalker in your midst. If he/she asks to be in your fellow, be forewarned. You never know to where this could lead. It could be the restful, wind-swept fields in the Shire or the ever-present, impending doom that is...Carn Dum. Wear protection at all times...and be ready to play dead if you must!

You will soothe the aches and pains of those you know quite often this summer. With you, tensions are eased and fellow rage is at a minimum, unless of course...you screw up a heal at a critical time. Then, you could end up all alone. But then again, the choice is likely yours, since you do have the power to rez or not to rez! Critical dates for you are June 26th, July 2nd and July 18th.

MAY 2008

Burglar

All month long, you think about working on your reputation. Whether you actually do or not is beside the point. Unless you change your burgling ways forever, you're unlikely to gain much of a positive reputation despite the titles of acquaintance, friend, etc. Face it, anyone can buy their way to a title, or in your case...steal it!

Truth is, you're not really concerned about your reputation anyway. You're just working on it due to the peer pressure you're feeling from certain other classes or friends in an attempt to fit in better. You're also attempting to "keep up with" the rewards and benefits others are allotted with their increasing reputations.

You feel others' opinions of you shouldn't matter. What's important is what you think of yourself...and you're right! However, rewards are nice, too, so peer pressure wins out this month. Just don't work too hard on your reputation or you'll "ruin" that perfectly evil reputation of Burglars everywhere!

Celebrate a special victory or two with friends or fellows around mid-month.

Captain

You will be an even greater inspiration and aid to others than in the past. You've honed your skills as a Captain and now you're seeing how well all that work and time pays off!

Your strong leadership skills get you noticed this month by more than you know, so choose your cosmetic armor well! Lead by example. Look good by choice. You never know who is swooning from the sight of you...and the confident sounds of your battle cries!

Punish the wicked creatures of the land and befriend the gentle. Suffer the guilty. Aid the weary.

Be sure to reward your herald or heraldette around the 22nd and 31st to experience continued loyalty.

Champion

Reach out to a "squishy" friend you suspect has been hurting around the 8th...most likely a Hunter or Minstrel. Sometimes wounds cut deep, even reaching well beneath one's armor to where the spirit trembles inside in uncertainty.

Extending a single hand of friendship can heal the hurt and heart just as well as a day-long slaughter-fest. You just have to know when to extend the hand versus when to assist in Middle Earth aggression management (aka mass murder/mass kill-deeding). Be careful to choose correctly, or your friend may end up accidentally slicing off your hand. (Note: If your friend's name resembles Cheney in any way...under no circumstances should you extend. Always assist! Always!)

Be strong and fervent. Quest long and often. The more you accomplish this month, the more likely you'll be able to afford a bit of a vacation next month!

In your battles, fear not death or destruction but the lack of it. You're a Champion. You crave excitement and life on the edge, and it's that daredevil image you're so admired for by more than you realize!

Guardian

Drink to your heart's content after the hardest of your battles, but stay away from spirits of the Inn League Keg type on the 13th. You never know what hellish creatures you may awaken beside if you tempt the fates on a day such as the 13th.

Practice ultimate fighting techniques in your leisure to stay in shape and to help ensure you maintain a high threat level on the battlefield. The higher your threat, the greater the chance that you'll be able to save that damsel or dude in distress someday.

With a little luck and a note of affection afterwards, you just may win the heart of that special damsel or dude. And if not, you can always go slay another drake and cut its heart out to soothe your wounded soul.

Turn to a Minstrel close to you on the 17th for extra support. You may be surprised that the healing hand you get will not only be in morale, but in mind and spirit as well!

Hunter

You're a predator. Don't be afraid to show it. Free your voice and shout out those cries of the predator, especially early on in your fellowships. Establish yourself and your abilities by making the weak scurry in fear and your fellow secure in the knowledge of your battle prowess.

Avoid desperate flights as much as possible, but take one, two or 12 of them if you must this month. Last minute flights are usually quite costly, but in your case, they actually save you money......so long as you actually do get to your destination in time to avoid that imminent death (and resulting high armor repair cost) you seemed to be facing.

Get in touch with an old friend or make a new one. Invite him or her on a quest/instance or maybe just send some tarts, pies, steaks or potions as a nice little surprise.

Lore-master

Get a reputation somewhere, maybe even somewhere you've never been before. Don't be satisfied with neutrality or even mere acquaintance. Befriend others and you'll be rewarded special opportunities and values as only one friend can pass along to another.

If you can spare the time, don't be afraid to get even more reputation elsewhere. It's not always a bad thing "having a reputation," believe it or not! However, avoid the type of reputation earned by always needing, expecting or asking for help. Others will perceive you as an escort quest, and everyone knows how errant those you escort are and how often they continue to land in the same types of trouble again and again. *cough* Lalia *cough* (When will she ever learn the Barrow-Downs is not a place for children?!)

Avoid Lalia. Avoid Dori. Avoid that Oakheart floozy. Avoid the NPC's whose woes get you down, and you'll ensure you won't be having those same "sorry days" in May that they do!

Minstrel

That same squishiness that charmed others at the end of last month, continues to be a charm that draws even more to you the whole month of May! On the 7th, you'll not only charm them, but you'll be a special someone's lucky charm!

Many others love coming to your aid, especially once they get you to remember you're a Minstrel, first and foremost!

In other words, now that you're more comfortable with war-speech, you use it in moderation and good judgment. You make other classes comfortable again that you'll let them play the roles they're best at without stepping on their toes too often by mistakenly thinking you're a better tank than a true tank class!

The healing role you play is as vital to a tank as the tank is to you. This co-dependence and need isn't always your preference, but you've come to terms with it just the same. Be there for a tank close to you on the 17th.

APRIL 2008

Burglar

Treat yourself to some sweets this month. Try the tarts**! Along with that tasty goodness, you'll feel a sudden return of power and morale, making you feel somehow stronger and more determined for those battles you face even if you still prefer the sneak attack.

Sneaking does not make you a coward. Ignore those who think it does. They're just jealous of your abilities and wary (as they should be!) of ever being left alone in the dark with you.

Focus on a good deed around the middle of the month. If you're able to perform this good deed in a fellowship, all the better as it'll be less work on you and less time, too! Anything that allows you more time for tomfoolery is a plus!

April 1st is your lucky day to shine as a prankster. No one outsmarts a Burglar on this day!

**Earnote:  No, not Lalia, though she has been referred to as much worse than a tart before!

Captain

You're looking to forget the hardships you faced last month in the personal relationship department, so now more than ever, you turn to drinking late in the day or evening. And no drink is better than one straight from the tap of an Inn League Keg!

Unfortunately, you have a tendency to blackout and find yourself in some precarious positions and odd places as a result of those nights of drinking. Pig pen in Budgeford? Boar fountain of Bree? If you're lucky, boars will never talk just as they'll never fly.

Blackouts such as yours affect a great many others in Middle Earth, so rest easy. When you admit you need help, there should be a large support group for you...and it's probably only a drink from an Inn League Keg away to find a group somewhere...possibly even on top of a structure at Giant's Needle or Fornost! Or for the male Captains, if you're really lucky...maybe at the cathouse of Bree. Meow!

Avoid escorts....er, escort quests...and master elites when drunk or experiencing a hangover, especially around the 11th, 23rd and 29th.

Champion

Practice some humanity in April. Make mistakes...forget to turn on your preferred toggle skill...and die on occasion, if only to allow a minstrel a few extra opportunities to up his/her resurrection count! Consider it your version of charity and requisite community service.

You will prove time and again, both purposely and accidentally, that not even a Champion is perfect in every battle situation. Fellowing or working together in conjunction with others is the best way to ensure success and continue in your never-ending journey towards uberness.

You will thank another class numerous times this month for heals, though due to silly pride, most of these thanks will be uttered in silence rather than voiced aloud.

Guardian

A Guardian needs no anger management courses, as the most skilled of your class have a tendency to hold aggro real well. This month is no different. Make sure your armor is kept repaired and up-to-date, and you'll continue to handle that aggro better than all those classes you consider so wussy in comparison to yours!

Avoid battle on April 20th. For some odd reason, you feel it's a day to focus on relaxation and other non-combat pleasures...most especially, pipeweed in all forms and varieties. Pursue that pleasure in moderation and steer clear of constables the remainder of the day. Also, for your safety, avoid any unnecessary horse-riding unless it's a rental that you are not steering yourself!

If you find yourself about to be pulled over by a constable, hide the tarts, pies, lembas and other treats you've been munching on...or the constable's suspicions will be too easily justified and confirmed.

Hunter

April is all about renewed spirit, new life and personal growth. Hunt when you must, but don't forget to take time to smell the woad, pick the berries and enjoy the vast beauty of the landscape of Middle Earth. You may even wish to plant a tree in your yard or harvest some berries to feel more in tune with nature in a positive way --- rather than the killing ways you're so accustomed to!

Kiss a hobbit. Hug a dwarf. Giggle at humans (it'll play with their psyche and make them self-conscious). But most importantly, view your own reflection in a body of water and repeat, "I'm good enough, I'm tough enough and warggone it, everyone wants to be me." Sure, they may only want to be you because everyone is jealous of a Hunter's skills, but it's no matter.

You can still believe it's because they like you. They really, really like you. And why shouldn't they?! You can take them to places many have only dreamed of visiting...until they met you!

Without you, many would die numerous times before they'd ever reach such a coveted camping area as Carn Dum or an out-of-the-way campsite such as Annuminas. Avoid venturing from those campsites solo no matter how good the hunting appears...or you will die before your time without a Minstrel, Lore-Master or Captain to resurrect you!

Lore-master

You will experiment with nature in April, as in all other months...though to greater effect than ever before! Play God. Pretend you're mother-nature wreaking havoc on those disrespectful of your realm.

Crack the earth...dump sticky tar on the battlefield...create violent thunder and lightning storms seemingly from nowhere...and call upon animals to aid you and/or your fellowship in the defeat of enemies.

Share your knowledge with others and drain enemies of power to benefit your allies in times of great danger and need.

Resurrect an old friend around the 28th and then reminisce with him or her over a few drinks from an Inn League Keg afterwards. You'll both likely forget what was discussed, but you'll know whatever it was must've been good...judging by wherever it is you'll find yourself groggily coming to afterwards!

Minstrel

You've been a lover far longer than a fighter, so practice up on your war-speech this month. Use it wisely, remembering that in riskier health situations, it may not be your method of choice as your homeopathic healing abilities are greatly reduced in effectiveness in times of war-speech.

Visit a Gauradan camp in Evendim to feel more attuned to war mode. Upon watching them, you may learn to act more warlord-like and may even wonder if you have one or two of them hidden in a dark, desolate branch of your family tree!

While on the warpath, take out your aggressions on whatever beings and creatures make the mistake of getting in your way...uruks, orcs, goblins and even harmless little cubs you merely just happened upon.

By mid-month, you'll get so carried away in bloodlust that you'll have to learn time and again...no matter how tough the Minstrel, it still makes for an "extra-squishy" Guardian!

Lover or fighter, it's that squishiness that draws others in to your charms later in the month.

MARCH 2008

Burglar

With March comes a fresh new approach. There's a spring in your step the likes of which you can't remember since those days you took your very first steps into Middle Earth at age one. Of course, that spring is only in your mind, as Hunters still have considerably more agility and running speed than you!

With last month's crushes being short-lived, this month you're taking some time to re-evaluate your needs and desires. Take the time. Don't rush into new relationships without at least a "hi" or "want to fellow?" communicated to you before you accept that fellowship request. Anything less may give the wrong impression that you're easy...and Burglars are anything but easy and uncomplicated!

Avoid practical jokes this month. After a brief addiction to them last month, you've realized they're not that hysterical after all. In fact, even you barely have a reaction to your own jokes when they backfire!

Keep your day job thievery. It's clear with the bombing of your practical jokes, you're no comedian! Burgle, stealth, sneak and surprise attack...it's what your best at!

Captain

Consider honing up on your battle skills. After last month's focus on love, romance and stomach-turning goreplay, you may need the practice! Plus, it's been awhile since some of you have been on the battlefield, so a brush-up may be necessary if you're planning to join any high level questing. You wouldn't want to look the n00b, now would you? (That role is usually best left to your charming but often ill-behaved herald or heraldette!)

You will travel far and wide this month and as you do, you may be asked to think of at least one friend, fellow or ally. This will generally result in your summoning the individual or individuals to you. Don't worry that others will think you're needy by such actions. After all, it's not your travel rations being spent, but theirs! This makes summoning even more convenient and preferred when you're looking to "hook-up."

Sadly, though, March holds no special "hook-ups" for you, unless it's something to hook up on a wall in your home. Be patient. For now, focus on anger and anger management. Kill uruks, dourhand dwarves, snowbeasts and misunderstood NPC's that expect you to save them from their own stupidity as they choose to run towards aggro rather than try to find a path clear of it!
 

Champion

In March...like pretty much every month in your life...you prefer to be the center of attention even if the attention-payers intend you physical harm.

You're confident in your own capabilities, and it shows --- especially when there's someone else around to throw you a heal periodically. When there's a minstrel nearby, you're apt to allow 4 or 5 creatures to gang up on you. You live by the motto "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you mightier." In the rare event that you die, you'll avenge your own demise, a little older, wiser and world-weary than you were only moments ago.

Consider a new haircut or style in the middle of the month for that healthy, shiny glow that's usually only visible on your weaponry or in your eyes as you kill a particularly tough foe. A new look may gain you notice off the battlefield, so it may be wise to consider a new outfit along with that new 'do!

Guardian

Ever since the latter part of last month, you've been feeling like you're living in a fantasy world. That feeling continues this month. Don't fight it. That feeling is more real than anything you've experienced since a large bear, orc or other monstrosity dealt you your 87th concussion. Just enjoy the fantasy...especially if it involves a hot elf massaging what's left of your senses with pure essence of athelas.

That new romance that's been budding since February with a tinker/armor repairer continues to grow. It's still too early for an admission of what's in your heart, but don't worry. It's not the love you think it is. It's heartburn. No more snacking on the battlefield in between combat sessions and that burning sensation will dissipate before you know it!

Play the field with your armor repairs. Once your preferred tinker/armor repairer realizes the depth of his or her feelings isn't requited, you'll appreciate having other connections in times of dire repair needs!

Your lucky days are 9, 14, 22 and 23.

Hunter

March is a happier time for you. You're learning to love yourself and find peace with a past that's haunted, burnt and hurt you. Of course, the better armor you have these days also helps protect you from injury, as well as from the proverbial nazgul of your past.

However, when near those fire-pot-wielding goblins you've known all too well in the past, you may still feel a burning sensation. Get yourself tested. You may have a GTD (Goblin-Transmitted Disease). Steer clear of them for long enough and the disease may cure itself!

Play tour guide/travel agent after the 8th. Consider it charitable work and record your time as public service on your resume. You never know when the day may come that you need a resume prepared just to join a fellow! Don't forget to add a few handy references, especially if your name is less than lore-appropriate!

Beware of evil spirits on the 15th, but if evil seems unavoidable...simply have an Edhelharn Token at the ready to ensure all hope is not lost!

Lore-master

March is the time for spring cleaning...your quest log! Cancel those you've outgrown or have no desire to complete. Finish a few well beneath your levels, just for the fun of it!

And if you've begun some deeds but never finished...stop procrastinating! Delivered 9 of 13 mail deliveries in the Shire? Do the other 4! Never finished Holly Hornblower's spoiled pie pick-ups? Well, get to it. Hungry hobbits are in danger until all those pies have been safely recalled!

Also, as part of your spring cleaning regimen, shake the dust off of your housemates (alts). Clean up and organize inventory, pack and vault space. Toss out items you've gathered for no apparent reason other than the mere fact that you're addicted to "loot all." You'll be glad you did once the crafting bug/addiction hits you.

Visit a taxidermist after the 20th but avoid taking your pets with you. They'll misinterpret your intentions, and then...so much for their obedience on the battlegrounds! Also, those of you that happen to have taxidermy in your house, try to hide those items from your pet unless you're fond of animals "marking their territory" and/or that ultra-fresh scent those markings are bound to give your new bear-skin rug!

Minstrel

You will feel a strong desire to acquire a violin this month, but sadly, you realize there are no violins in Middle Earth. This is unjust. You will think about taking up the cause to rally in favor of violins, but then...you hold your theorbo close and remember why it's truly your first and only love.

Still, the reason you'll wish for a violin is to play that sad song on world's smallest violin for all those "poor me, poor me" complainers you've come across in your travels and fellows in Middle Earth. Tired of the negativity and complaint-minded souls, you'll wish for a violin, or better yet...earmuffs. However, your best bet for a quick fix? Volume down. Chat off. Ignore all! Or...you could always forget to heal them in fellowships, you nawty, nawty Minstrel!

Forget a key heal around the 8th and the 30th. Accidents happen. (Blame it on the wireless mouse or keyboard and dead batteries. Sometimes, it could even be true!)

In the end, you'll likely resurrect the one you forgot to heal anyway, so no harm done. In fact, you may gain more respect as a result of the "accident." And if not respect, at least an extra dose of suck-up-ism so you won't forget again.

FEBRUARY 2008

Burglar

Romance is in the air, even for you Burglars. Among those with a serious crush on you this month are a number of wights, barghests, rock-throwing giants and possibly even a Nazgul!

Stealth carefully. There is a fine line between love and hate, as they say. Given the caliber of your stalkers and the fragility of their sanity --- make one wrong move and you will likely find their version of love and romance is more "tough love" than you're equipped to handle on your own.

Thus, rather than solo dates in February, you will prefer to go on group dates (fellowships) to take the pressure and focus off of you. Besides, in most cases, you'll find those with crushes on you would probably rather, in the end, put the crush on you. Wield your razor-sharp wits and clever retorts wisely, but cautiously and sparingly, if you'd prefer morale over an even larger fan club only Jerry Springer fans could envy!

Beyond the romance, this month will have you excited about a number of new skills recently acquired. You'll be feeling even more mischievous and devilish than ever before. (Yes, it really is possible, believe it or not!) Go ahead, embrace the mischief. Who doesn't love a good practical joke now and then?!

Captain

In February, your lucky number is 2, so unless your herald or heraldette is the object of your affections, leave him or her home when you're on the prowl for love, romance or just some quickie XP you won't remember in the morning.

Raising your own banner will definitely draw you some attention, so don't be afraid to take matters and banners into your own hands. However, when you'd rather mask your interests and needs with subtlety, simply command respect and you'll find others on their knees before you! And yes, they will still respect you in the morning...so long as you repeat the command.

On the battlegrounds, you'll turn many heads this month, including merrevail, brigands, dwarves and a number of stealthed wargs. Unfortunately, you'll also turn a few boar stomachs, so avoid them if you don't feel a boar's idea of goreplay (aka goring you to death) is an attractive turn-on or a great excuse to go flirt with that special armor repairer you visit more often than you probably should.

Stock up on the pipeweed. You'll cause the smog levels in Middle Earth to increase dramatically this month, but a good smoke is always necessary after a particularly long, hard...battle. With all your successes on the battlefield, you'll have much to smoke about!

Champion

As a Champion, you're the good guy or good gal. That explains why you usually finish last. However, this month, that's definitely a good thing...especially if you're a male Champion. That single quality makes you the most desired Lotronian males of all.

Your enduring stamina and unrelenting fervor are qualities you boast of proudly, emitting numerous cheers, oohs, ahhs and even that occasional and near-climactic "I'll have whatever she's/he's having" exclamation from your peers. You are the envy and the toast of your friends.

You will rarely find yourself without a date or fellowship this month, unless it's by your own choice. After all, even Champions need some downtime to rest and recover fervor before you're ready to get back up on the battlegrounds after ten rounds with a master elite that smells worse than a mound of rotted, five-month-old complete hobbit breakfasts (if ever a hobbit breakfast were to be overlooked that long)!

Beware of Pale-Folk after the 3rd of the month. Whereas you enjoy taking things slow at times and finishing last, Pale-Folk suffer a serious attention-deficit disorder. Initially, you will mistake their eagerness to rush toward you as an irresistible urge to hit on you...but in reality, they're mostly just hitting you. Even worse, Pale-Folk usually consider this a large group quest or raid event, thus wide scale bruising may result. Avoid developing any meaningful relationship with them, as you will experience only minor joy initially...but suffer extreme physical abuse and assault at their little pale hands the longer the relationship lasts.

Guardian

You've recently developed a close bond with a tinker/armor repairer. Though you're not yet ready to invite him or her to your place, you've thought of arranging at least a few clandestine rendezvous at a number of campsites you've visited before. Some of you Guardians are even comfortable enough with this new relationship that you will allow your hunter friends and other buddies to meet him or her there as well.

Though most other beings wouldn't enjoy being ordered around, your tinker doesn't seem to mind your controlling nature and demanding summons. If you can keep your tinker happy, you'll never have to worry about another lonely night in Middle Earth, so long as you can find a campsite at which to summon your tinker for some snuggling and marshmallow roasting! Just remember on those romantic occasions...always use protection. A shield is a guardian's best friend, especially when you're unsure upon whose armor that tinker's healing hands have been on!

As for the battlefield, you will work out many an aggression this month. You may wish to apologize for this later as your tactics aren't generally thought to be humanitarian efforts. (However, by the time you think to apologize, your enemies will usually already be dead.) You enjoy forcefully rubbing salt in others wounds and seem to find it easier to overpower your enemies now than it has been in the past...not to mention you've taken a sudden interest in taunting or smack-talking from afar.

Once again, use protection. It is vital that no enemy penetrate your defenses, as the complications of that may involve your own possible demise and imminent death. If, for some reason, you forgot your protection at home or lost it altogether, avoid confrontations until you can safely replace and wield your shield.

Hunter

You have a strong urge and desire to play cupid this month, albeit in your own unique fashion. You want to reunite goblins, wights, bears, aurochs and other beings with their loved ones...the loved ones that have already passed away. In other words, you like to think of yourself as merely assisting with their suicides, convinced that the creatures would be happier in death, upon reuniting with the loves lost in their lives.

Your motives are not as altruistic as you paint them. Painful losses of your own have jaded you, so now you avenge that loss and pain through mass murder. Even now, you're contemplating killing another 70 goblins to avenge the burns you received in your youth, courtesy of a number of overzealous Midgewater Sappers.

Let go of the past. Learn to love yourself and you will find inner peace and happiness. You may even open yourself up to finding a love of your own if you're willing to take a chance around the 14th. Be social. Be active. But avoid invitations to party in Goblin-Town, as you still have much to work out regarding your goblin rage.

Lore-master

Take your pets for a stroll. Let them enjoy the fresh air and wide open space in the Shire, but don't stray too far from populated areas. After all, part of the reason you have pets is that their presence makes it easier to strike-up conversations with strangers.

Let yourself be seen often in public with the cutest of your pets, probably your lynx or cat. Though your lynx and cat despise going for actual walks on a leash, they love to be the center of attention, and great attention draws those kitties are! Not many can resist the urge to want to pet them, unless of course, they're more of the barghest, warg or dog lover types. Keep your lynx or cat close around the 10th and 12th. He or she may help you fill up your social calendar with a few dates --- both duos and groups.

Just remember to limit your pets' involvement on the romantic dates, or you'll discover your dates are more attracted to your pets than to you! *gasp* And should you let a pet die on the battlefield...well, so much for the beacon of hope for that relationship! You will no longer be seen as the smart, suave, caring, sensitive, nurturing type you were thought to be!

Then again, some of you would rather be known for the trouble you stir up, as a bad guy or gal is often irresistible as well. Besides, the often favorite group date of a Lotronian is a night of heavy duty ultimate fighting in tough gang neighborhoods, such as Carn Dum, Urugarth or certain hotspots found in upper East Angmar. Show them all you're the male or female that can be both the dark, dangerous rebel......and the kinder, sweeter, gentler romantic type who also knows when handing someone special a dozen woad plants, yarrow roots, strawberries, boiled hides or gold ingots is the preferred mode of romance.

Minstrel

Many Lotronians wish to hire you out this month, to serenade the objects** and beings of their affections. This could earn you some coin and a few good tales to share with friends, so don't be afraid to accept opportunity should it come your way.

However, with all the romance that abounds this month, do not let it pass you by! There's no more romantic class than yours. You sing, play music, dance...and most importantly...you have the ability make others lose their inhibitions to such extent that they'll dance uncontrollably just at your suggestion! That's one way to ensure you have a dancing partner, though most prefer you ask them first as no one wants to seem that easy.

Be socially available this month. *flirt* *flirt* Flash a grin. *flex* *flirt* Use your charm and vocal abilities to make others swoon. And once you've gotten yourself a few dates, don't be afraid to let that healing touch of yours work for you! After a date involving random quests and grueling battles, use your magical touch to heal and relax your date's sore, tense muscles. Even if the quests and battles didn't go well, your date is sure to remember how well the date ended...and will likely want to go out with you again and again!

Avoid hillmen, merrevail, iron-crowns and brigands when trying to impress someone this month. You will eliminate the competition for a potential mate's affections much more easily if the competition consists of trolls, giants, shades, wights, salamanders and gorthorogs. You look better, smell better and definitely make for a better dance partner!

**Earnote: Don't ask...you're better off not knowing...and so am I!

JANUARY 2008

Burglar

You're looking forward to a clean slate, a fresh start and (hopefully) all your legal violations/records expunged! Nonetheless, you're a misdemeanor waiting to happen...and happen you will, again and again and again and again and again!**

An orc will look at you funny, as will his friends. You will show him no mercy. He will die an under-acted death but his pockets will contain nothing of much worth to anyone but an orc. Keep trying. Kill enough orcs, and you're bound to not only finish a deed, but also find something of worth...even if only to a desperate vendor in some out of the way town.

You will make a resolution to kill many creatures in 2008. Finally, a resolution you cannot fail, whether you're a solo serial killer or one who prefers tougher kills requiring extra assistance from fellowships or raid groups! 2008 is definitely looking like a good year for you, at least for now...

**Earnote: Warning to hobbits: hold onto your second breakfasts or you'll find them curiously missing. Not unexpectedly, there will be a burglar in the area when you notice.

Captain

Be there for your herald/heraldette, but resist asking or expecting him or her to jump off bridges and cliffs for you. It's a well-known fact (to the other classes anyway) that they have a fear of heights and of water, though they are too embarrassed and shy to openly admit this to you.

Your herald/heraldette will aggro some beings you wish they wouldn't more than a few times this month. Be kind and forgiving. Sometimes, even you err...and they still forgive you no matter how many times you've caused their deaths!

Take some time this month to reorganize your inventory, packs and storage space. Remove the clutter, the slimy drake tongues and anything else that may cause others to eye you suspiciously were they to discover the sick things you collect in private. Seriously, 15 hateful worm eyes and 5 rotted barghest paws?! You are disturbed!

If you wish others to think you cling to some level of sanity, you will rid yourself of those and try collecting something more politically correct......something like 15 pieces of armor, an array of potions and essences or even a handful of distateful corcor emblems you could gift to a lore-master whose tastes, like yours, are a bit questionable.

Champion

You will catch a cold this month. Dress warmer and feed yourself, unless you develop a fever. Then, starve yourself until even a dwarf in starter armor looks good to you!

This is a month of experimentation for you. Right now, you may be a bit confused, but it's okay. Embrace the confusion and allow yourself freedom to experiment and experience things you hadn't thought of before. Kiss Lobelia the toad to see if she'll turn into a prince...or rather, a princess. Hold a five minute conversation with friends, mailboxes and lebethron wood using nothing but a combination of emotes, both real and made-up.

January is a great month for you to champion a cause, rather than a quest. It's a new year and a great time to make a lasting impression with humanitarian efforts that hold no financial gain or benefit to you. Save the boars! Save the moderately aggressive deer! Stop hide collection for just a single day. Adopt a gold seller (just to stop them from spamming their messages in chat channels even for just a minute, two or more). Form an activist group to find peaceable solutions to put an end to gold sellers once and for all! (Okay, so the last idea is probably not a cause you'd endeavor to undertake, but sometimes you have to dream big...and if anyone can do it, a Champion surely can!)

Guardian

Relax your guard. Spend time on your hobbies --- farming, mining, jewel-crafting or whatever your chosen profession. Even one night off of guardianship won't kill you. Or if it does...you'll find a way back somehow. You can't keep a good Guardian down....even though some of the shortest of your kind are barely visible above an elf's knees even when standing on your tiptoes! (It probably makes you more agile Guardians, so don't fret if you happen to be vertically challenged.)

You will make peace with a failed quest around mid-month. Attempt to finish it by hook or by crook...er, burglar! A fellowship maneuver at the right time can save nearly any quest, though master elites will likely require luck, skill and a full fellowship as well! If upon this attempt you should still fail, make peace with yourself.

Some Guardians are better crafters than they are are warlords. Work on your craft, while secretly honing your battlefield skills solo. Being a slow learner doesn't make you a bad Guardian, but giving up and re-rolling a Minstrel would. Don't give up. You can do it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, probably not even this month...but someday...quite possibly next month!

Hunter

Too much celebration towards the end of last month has gained you five pounds or more...and made you grow tired of ham. You will avoid boars much of January. You're so tired of ham, you don't even have an interest in tanning their hides! However, you can think of a few brigands or merrevail whose hides you've dreamt of tanning at least once before, but you will not tan those either, even if you're trained in forestry.

Conversely, your hide will be tanned a number of times on the battlefield, especially on the 13th, 18th, 22nd and 25th. For the most part, you will not enjoy these experiences, though there will be a few good stories to come of your defeats. You will enjoy sharing the stories with friends after your pride has sufficiently recovered.

Team up on some elites and master elites, but avoid being greedy. Roll or pass on the shard droppers. It's either your lucky day or it's not. (Profound, huh? =p) Besides, on the occasions you lose out, just think of those shard droppings as "poop." Why would you want that "crap" smelling up your packs anyway?!  (On second thought, don't answer that. Some of you hunters are more disturbed than we need or want to know.)

Lore-master

You will save yourself in the nick of time at least 5 or 6 times this month......for what, though, is unclear. It will be too late, however, to save your lynx. Do not mourn the passing for long. You weren't that attached to version 203.1 lynx, nor version 202.1 nor version 201.1 nor any of the ones before that. They all look the same anyway and you rarely wait more than a few minutes to replace your lynx when he/she dies on your hunting excursions.

Pick up your fallen ego, mez an onlooker and crack the earth to show your driving need for vengeance! Root evil doers (unless the evil doers are part of your fellowship) and run if necessary. There's no shame in knowing when to run and hide like a stealthed burglar too frightened to take on 4 itty, bitty, teeny, weeny frogs at once! They may be small, but like hobbits and dwarves, sometimes, they're more dangerous than they first appear.

Your lucky number is 0.o --- so you're alternately spending a lot of time drinking ale this month, some time fearing the unknown and a great deal of time just generally being confused about life, the universe and everything you can fit in those packs you lug around everywhere you go!

Minstrel

Resolute to stop singing and playing music for just a day. Then, do it. You will be humbled, but so will your fellows who relied on your musical abilities. And in the future, Lotronians will complain less of your musicality when on- or off-duty! They will understand that music is not only your life, but also helps save theirs!

Resurrect a friendship. Common ground can be found if only you're willing to show that even though (in some cases) you let them die, you still care enough to bring them back to life...both hypothetically and through the use of your specialized skills and abilities.

Some friendships will require more than one resurrection. Demanding, yes, but the most loyal of friends is always worth it! You rez their backs, and they'll watch yours all the more in the future...hopefully increasing their threat so the pressure is taken off of you from all those heals you perform in battle!

DECEMBER 2007

Burglar

Home continues to be an important part of your life this month, though some of you forget the importance of routine home maintenance. To ensure a happy home life, remember to perform...aka pay (for)...weekly maintenance.

You better watch out, and though some of you may...you better not pout. Someone is watching you all month to see if you're naughty or nice, thieving or thoughtful. It's Gandalf. He knows what you've been up to, so be good...at least for most of the month. Or maybe just for as much of the month as you can afford to behave! You will still misbehave more often than you should, but it doesn't take Gandalf to figure that out! Even 15% of orcs know that and they're not known for their intellect! Be especially careful up until the 25th of December. After that...anything goes!

December is a great time for you to go on some long walks in deserted areas. This will help you regain peace of mind in trying times...and keep you from getting in trouble since there won't be anyone to burgle from! It will also afford the more avid collector types some time to work on ore, plant or berry collecting.

Captain

December is a month of manners for you. You Captains are finally learning to accept that your heralds and heraldettes will not jump off bridges just because you do. You're learning to run around and find another way down from that bridge and those mountains that don't involve the possibility of suicidal jumps that your companions fear so much.

In addition, you will open many doors for heralds, heraldettes, fellows, companions and even strangers this month. Whenever you beat someone to a door you desire to see the other side of, you will open that door and cross that threshold first while still holding the door for others nearby. With manners like this, you'll gain even more willing volunteers to follow you into battle even if that door you open leads to a tomb that isn't Elendil's or Skorgrim's, but yours and/or their own!

Your nose will itch around the 14th of the month. It could mean only one of two things --- a friend is thinking of you or your allergy to danger just kicked in. It's likely just allergies, but on the off-chance it's a friend thinking of you...reach out to a friend with a surprise communication, emote or gift. Give a copper for their thoughts...or more if you think their thoughts are higher in value than the average LOTROnian's. (Substitute travel rations for copper if that friend is a Hunter,as Hunters could always use a few more traveling rations!)

Champion

You will draw much aggro throughout the month. Do not be alarmed. December is a very stressful time of year for many...and that includes you! Just remember to take your aggressions out on your targets and fellow's targets, rather than on your friends and/or fellowship! There are plenty of creatures more deserving of your angst. Topping the list should be trolls and giants who pick on others well beneath their size, girth and stature.

With all the hassles and stress that December brings, it's important to remember the fellow "assist" option whenever in a fellowship. When faced with multiple targets, it's often hard to choose just one, but can be best when the challenge is great (in other words, the creatures are levels above the average level of your fellowship). You deal great amounts of DPS, so you will still be a Champion whether others assist you or you assist them! No one will think the less of you either way, except for the poor but evil creature who died before the thought fully materialized.

Your lucky number is 6, especially when fellowed this month. The more full fellowships you're in, the more successful you will be, especially if you're the 6th one to join!

Guardian

This is a time of giving for you. Your charitable and chivalrous nature shines through even more clearly now than ever before!

Travel to a noob area at least a few times this month and play chaperone for a few unseasoned LOTROnians. Chaperone their quest "dates," perform good "deeds" with them and guard them through difficult times as they learn the nuances of their LOTROniac signs along with the ways of the land and the means...er, meanness...of some of the land's ill-tempered creatures. Guide them toward a path of enlightenment, but do not hand-hold too much or they will experience great difficulty in learning how to survive on their own once you must leave them to return to your usual hangouts, hunting grounds and habitats.

Someone wants to spar with you. Accept the invitation. It will be good exercise for you, keeping you on your toes and allowing you to get in better physical shape. If you are a dwarf or hobbit, though, be sure to check with your doctor first as too much physical exertion may not be wise or advised.

Hunter

Many a deer were killed last month, and by now, you've had almost enough of deer as you've had of boars in your younger days. Deer season has ended, so now it's time for something meatier. Orcs, trolls and giants fit that bill, though the meat may be a bit tough and too salty for your tastes.

You will want to take a break from hunting altogether and focus on fellowship and camaraderie. Join in on others' quests and deeds, whether you have them to do yet or not. You will likely find the entertainment value and banter shared greatly outweighs your need for bloodshed this month.

Yes, in December, you Hunters are looking to get in touch with your softer, warmer side...the side that sits by the fire, cooking the kills you're known for, even if you're not a cook. Light some campfires and warm the spirits of those by your side. You will gain loyal friends and fellows in your efforts!

Lore-master

December is the month of the lynx (your lynx paid for me to say this). Whenever hunting, take your trusty and loyal pet lynx with you. The bear and raven have hunted enough! It's the cat that truly has serious blood-thirst contained in those fangs and evil hidden in those cute little paws!

However, that blood-thirst and evil should be tempered with some quiet downtime spent reading quest details and pipe-weed smoking together. (It's not as good as lynxnip, but it will do.) Do not forget the importance of this, or your lynx will need serious professional psychiatric help by the 31st!

Kiss a hobbit. Wave to a goblin. Beckon a fellowship member to follow you. Emotes gain you notice and sometimes even kisses, curtsies, flirts, flexes, faintings and even the occasional roar! Knowing that, you can even put up with the wedgies so uncouthly picked and the uncomfortable scratching others do so publicly! Try to avoid scratching yourself in public though, or someone may think you got a little too close to those flea-infested wargs and barghests!

Minstrel

You have a strong desire to go caroling this month and/or to play some strangely festive holiday tunes with your instruments, even if you're unsure those tunes are befitting of Middle Earth. Spread joy and cheer this month. Play and sing those tunes, even amidst the Nazgul-ish grinches of the world! Allow no man, hobbit, dwarf, elf or balrog to dampen your spirits!

Be sure to be on your best behavior and heal those in need all month or there's a chance you will be visited by a wight, a dark-water and a pale-folk before the 25th of December. If you have become a disenchanted and disgruntled Minstrel who's lost his or her focus or purpose, they will attempt to get you to change your ways. Listen...or you could become one of them!

Kill any wight, dark-water, pale-folk or undead you come across this month in hopes to avoid being haunted, dazed, stunned or chased by them. The greater they are in number, the less lucky you are. Leave no gravestone unturned, no burial mound undisturbed nor tomb unchecked!

NOVEMBER 2007

Burglar

For some odd reason, home and family is high on your list of priorities this month. If you're one of those Burglars who hasn't settled down with a house of your own yet, you're giving it serious thought now. Hopefully, your masterful burglary has you set up financially to afford your dream home, as no vault-keeper in his or her right mind would give a Burglar like you a home loan!

Whether you already own a home or move into a new neighborhood this month, remember NOT to let your neighbors know you really are a thief. (Go anonymous and maybe they won't notice.) They'll be more likely to leave the light on for you...and the door wide open to you without that knowledge! And if you like your neighbors, you might not even steal a lawn dwarf (or gnome) from them! Pity!

You have a clandestine date with destiny sometime this month that directs you to a dark alley in a seedy section of southern  Bree late some night. You will feel a chill in the air, thinking it's the ghost of your past wrongdoings catching up with you. Relax. (It's probably just some meddling, troublesome street urchin in a sheet.) In the light of day, there is no ghost and you have nothing to be sorry for. Burglars have equal rights, just as any Captain, Champion, Guardian, Hunter or Lore-Master...which is rumored to be only slightly less "equal" than a Minstrel's rights, but 250,000 times greater than those of a salamander!

250,000 is not your lucky number. You have no lucky numbers but the amounts of which you take from others.