Whistle Epidemic

A sudden epidemic of whistling has overtaken horse owners all across Middle Earth. Though the cause is still being investigated, the epidemic appears to cause sufferers to look around for their horses and whistle twice right before their horses appear.

This sudden onslaught of whistles upsets and angers many, though some seem to enjoy the odd sensation, likening it to a few good sneezes. This leads the Lotronian Centers for Disease Control (LCDC) to dub the epidemic Gezundsummon Disease.

Some hypochondriac Lotronians fear this condition may also lead to unexpected ticks, claps, hoots, obscenity yelling and seizures. Still, others hope it leads to this...simply to excuse their own uncouth behavior in general company!

Residents of Middle Earth are asked not to fear or panic as this disease does not appear to be even a minor cause of serious injury, harm or death. The LCDC is working around the clock to find answers and solutions to Gezundsummon Disease.

Until answers are found, residents extremely plagued and bothered by this disease should remain calm, quit listening to themselves (and others) and continue about their normal daily activities.

The kinder, gentler citizens may be heard blessing the affected parties after each whistle by simply saying, "Gezundsummon!"

Horses seem to respond well to these strange whistles, and this disease does not seem to have any known adverse affects on them.

Closet Anglers Rejoice

They've thought and dreamt of it for a long time, but finally their day is here. Thousands of anglers rejoiced as their dream became reality.

No longer are the masses destined to "fish" only for clues to questing, but after much anticipation and lobbying, hobby fishing has its place in Middle Earth...and it's nearly every river or waterway you want to be!

One fishing enthusiast had this to say, "I'm looking forward to each and every rusty dagger I catch. The fish I just plan to catch and release, but the weaponry? Well, let's just say they'll be untraceable to me later."

Moving on......an unidentified fishing lobbyist was heard shouting, "This is a momentous victory! One itty bitty teeny weeny goldfish for you, is one 10-pound salmon for my kind! Thank you for fishing!"

Already in the works, is a behind-the-poles, tell-all movie about fishing and its lobbyists. The working title for the fishtail...er, fishtale? Thank You For Fishing.

Synchronized Emoting to Gain Recognition

Forget sports and fitness as you know them. In a surprising unanimous vote last week, an elite 6-person panel decreed that if Middle Earth ever gets Olympics, synchronized emoting will be the first officially recognized and awarded sport.

It is unclear whether that panel was smoking pipeweed at the the time of their vote. However, as they were all seen dancing in unison, it is suspected that a minstrel may have illegally tampered with the judges at the time of their vote.

Though the panel is still unsure as to how well this sporting event would fare, the degree of difficulty, lag consideration and cosmetic appearance would all factor into the judge's final scoring calculations.

In another astounding vote, trolls will get their own sport in which to compete...elf, dwarf, hobbit and human tossing! It should be noted, however, that this sport was voted in under duress. After all, no one in his/her right mind would deny a troll......and live to talk about it!

Inconsequential Quote of the Day

Leaders lead; followers /follow. /Follow. So easy...even a level one can do it!

Wayward Bear Goes on Rampage

Animal control authorities in Dol Dinen received numerous reports last week of an out of control bear on the loose.

Before they were able to contain and tranquilize the bear, witnesses say the bear killed 3 orcs, 4.5 goblins and 3 wargs.

It is also alleged that the bear is, in some way, responsible for the death of its owner --- an unidentified level 36 lore-master --- and 2 of the owner's cronies. Fearing for their lives, another 4 known associates and a herald fled the scene before help arrived.

The bear will likely be put to sleep as soon as animal control authorities finish their investigation of the matter. Authorities are unclear at this point what triggered the bear's violent attacks.

Lake Evendim now Lake Stinkendim

Residents of Evendim --- especially those who frequent areas on and around Lake Evendim --- express concern over pungent fishy odor.

With the legalization of fishing, residents have noticed a clear and distinct fishy odor emanating from the lake which encompasses a great deal of Evendim itself.

Toxicologists estimate that the odor has risen an unprecedented 2159.98% since the legalization of hobby fishing. Residents are advised to seek shelter and avoid the water as toxicologists are unsure they will ever succeed in their stinkology decontamination efforts.

Officials advise anyone planning to visit Lake Stinkendim - er, Evendim - to use caution and care. They also advise nose-plugs, full body armor and a vat of your co-worker's or client's most obnoxious perfume or cologne to be used after any contact with the lake.

One outraged resident exclaims, "I can't even go for a leisurely swim anymore or I'll never find a date! Every time I go for a swim, I come out smelling even fishier than when I went in!"

With a mighty sob, the unidentified Evendim man added, "It's downright disgustin'! In one swim, I was bit by a fish, attacked by a leech and had my eye poked out by a rusty dagger."

And finally, he concluded, "Incidentally, if anyone has a spare colourful eye, I'd appreciate the donation so I can have me an eye transplant in another age or so when it becomes possible."

Forochel For a Chill

Minstrels, lore-masters and captains at Lotronian General Hospital were astonished this past month when they began receiving their first patients ever suffering from frostbite. Since interested vacationers first began "chilling" in Forochel upon the debut of Book 13, the number of frostbite diagnoses has reached an unprecedented segment of the populace.

The LGH has been overrun with frostbite victims, thus those in command at LGH remind Lotronians of the importance of dressing for the weather and taking precautionary measures to keep warm when the chill of Forochel sets in!

As beautiful as Forochel may be, vacationers are reminded not to  forget that nature kills and frost bites! If your body begins to notice a chill, heed the warning! Find food, warmth, shelter or escape before it's too late for minstrels, lore-masters and captains to revive you!

Lost Herald

A male herald, approximately age 18, was found aimlessly wandering atop the bridge in Trestlebridge late last night. He appeared confused, disoriented and suffering from some form of selective amnesia.

The herald claims he was with a captain and some other friends when they all jumped off the bridge. Stating that he was taught not to jump off bridges just because his friends jumped, the herald became separated from the group.

Please contact Trestlebridge authorities if you are missing a herald and/or know to which captain the herald may belong.