Here in the "church" of LOTRO, like most other religions, prayer is not only vital, but also encouraged amongst our congregation, guests, visitors and other splintertusks.

It is through prayer that we bond more closely with the Lord our "ring god"......initiate a deeper level of understanding and compassion within the Tolkiendom......and build bridges of healing that reach across all bounds and barriers. Members, guests, visitors, hobbits, elves, humans and dwarves alike can all find common ground through prayer. Even the devs are not immune to hearing our prayers. (See "Hear Our Battle Cries.")

Our most common prayer is probably the "Oh Nooooo" Prayer or any similar variation of that. (You probably know that one by heart.) We hear members screaming that prayer at all hours! And yes, the Lord of the Rings hears you...we are sure of it!

Please join us in prayer now,

using one or more of the most requested prayers listed and found below:

Ring Lord's Prayer   /   Noob's Prayer   /   Hear Our Battle Cries   /   Oh Nooooo Prayer

The Ring Lord's Prayer

Our Tolkien, who art forever ensconced in Middle Earth.

Hallowed be the one true creator,

master and Lord of the Rings.

Thy Middle Earthdom come.

Thy will be done in Bree,

as it is in Rivendell,

as it is in the Shire.

Give us these quests our daily experience.

And forgive us our accidental trainings,

as we forgive those who train against us.

Lead us not into instances for which we are not level-worthy,

And above all, please…oh almighty Tolkien,

…and Turbine devs alike…

deliver us from Nazgul!

For thine is the morale,

the power,

the might,

the fate,

and the vitality forever!    

Amen.

A Noob's Prayer

Now I log me in to fellow,

I pray the devs my toon to level.

And if I die before I complete this quest,

I pray the minstrel or captain my soul to res(urrect).

And this I ask for cheaper armor repair’s sake.

Amen.

Hear Our Battle Cries

Lord of the Rings devs, hear our battle cries…

For all of the dead and dying hunters

who cannot take toe to toe battles,

Lord of the Rings devs, hear our battle cries…

For the minstrels playing their melodious music

as they heal the sick and cleanse wounds with song,

Lord of the Rings devs, hear our battle cries…

For burglars in stealth who ought not to steal

but cannot resist the temptations of thievery,

Lord of the Rings devs, hear our battle cries…

For captains and their heralds standing strong in battle,

inspiring their fellows to victory and odds overcome,

Lord of the Rings devs, hear our battle cries…

For guardians, the greatest tanks around,

often overlooked, but valued nonetheless,

Lord of the Rings devs, hear our battle cries…

For lore-masters and their animal friends,

weak but willful and wise in times of great distress,

Lord of the Rings devs, hear our battle cries…

For champions so intent on destruction

you’d have them locked up…

if only you didn’t secretly want to be one,

Lord of the Rings devs, hear our battle cries…

We ask you to assist our scholars in higher education,

and our farmers in obtaining better crop yields.

We ask you to bless our tailors, jewelers

and every crafter and professional alike.

Lord of the Rings devs, hear our battle cries…

We are but servants in your Tolkiendom,

humbly asking you to protect us from Nazgul,

to guide us through quest locations

and bring forth renewed awakening in us

with each new resurrection…

so that we may better serve you,

oh, Lord of the Rings Online…

At your mercy, we roleplay.

Amen.

The Oh Nooooo Prayer

Oh, crap! Oh, crap!

I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!

Please, please, please...

don't let me die!

Please!

D'oh!

Resurrect me...please?

Amen.

**Earnote: These pages (along with much of the Lick an Ear website itself) are indeed intended for amusement only. The "church" of LOTRO is not a real religion, nor is it intended as a serious religion! So, please, if you have a religion or take religion seriously, take no offense. The "church" of LOTRO is just a silly, satirical spoof, take or parody of what can be a religious experience...in a virtual realm MMORPG sort of way. Enjoy the humor...and believe in Middle Earth!

Church of LOTRO index

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