Failed mail deliveries in the Shire...

Have you failed another mail delivery in the Shire?

Were you discovered yet again by another "Nosey Hobbit" who then stole the mail?

If you've ever tried filling in as a mail delivery person for TSPS (the Shire Postal Service), you've likely experienced some frustrations, and now understand that mail delivery...even in an MMORPG such as LOTRO...is not as easy or foolproof as you may have thought it was.

(You might even understand why some postal delivery service people IRL have "gone postal" on occasion.**)

Having tried and failed many of the Shire's mail delivery routes, postal workers everywhere have united to bring you plausible excuses for your own failings on mail delivery in the Shire.

You have excuses. You have reasons......

I came upon a river. I thought about crossing the bridge or trying to wade through the water, but I decided to go for a swim instead. Who'd have thought I wasn't coordinated enough to hang onto my satchel of mail and swim at the same time?!

What? No MapQuest? And you expect me to deliver mail anyway?! WTF?!

Someone should've told me they were setting off fireworks at Methel Stage. The sudden noise surprised me so much that before I even knew what happened, I had dropped the mail right on top of a lit fuse on a firework. I also screamed like a little girl and ran like one, too, but that part is just between you and me, right? *wink*

I was alerted by another postal worker that some residents had pet Wargs on the loose in the past. Rain, sleet and snow may not stop me, but I draw the line when it comes to fleas, ticks and Wargs that could be aptly named Cujo.

I had lunch at The Prancing Pony in Bree (where I'm "milestoned") and I didn't have enough silver on me to get back to the Shire. I know it's only one silver, but I don't carry that kind of money. A postal worker could get robbed, you know! Do you have any idea how many Nosey Hobbits and hobbit burglars are out there?!

Our postal workers union doesn't feel we're earning enough XP for some of the delivery routes that require us to run through bad neighborhoods, so until we do, we're on strike!

I forgot the satchel on the table behind the other postman. It's not my fault. It's not like he couldn't have handed it to me since he's the one that asked me to make the delivery for him. The table was right behind him!

I witnessed a mass murder while delivering the mail, so I was held for questioning. Can you believe it?! Someone actually cares that 10 or 12 wolves were killed on another's farm property?!

I'm a hobbit. You surely can't expect a hobbit to deliver the mail that fast...without having time allotted for 2nd and 3rd breakfasts!

I was about to make that delivery, when the brown wrapper tore off, revealing a very scantily clad Brigand female. Of course, I couldn't deliver torn mail, so I took it upon myself to make sure the contents of the package were unharmed. Then, I somehow managed to lose the address label, so I was forced to keep it. Honest. I would've delivered it if only I hadn't tossed out...er, lost...the address label.

Pony Express lost my luggage, and that's where I was carrying all the mail. I ended up filing an insurance claim. They never did find my luggage. *sigh*

You mean I was delivering mail? Well, I guess that explains why I couldn't deliver that lunch to Gammer Tunnelly's grandson. All this time, I thought that satchel contained his lunch! I knew it looked like a strange lunch, but I thought maybe he just liked eating words...even if they weren't his own. =p

Nosey Hobbits! It's none of their business what's in my mail satchel! Don't they have anything better to do? I mean, really, shouldn't they prefer to sniff out and chase after those delivering Holly Hornblower's pies? They are "nosey," after all! =p

I'm sorry. I was new to the route. I was hired on after they input the new Equal Opportunity Employment laws for mail carriers. Since I'm an elf, I don't know my way around the Shire all that well yet, but I'm learning. Hobbiton, Bywater...how come you can't have easy places to see with large sweeping staircases and beautiful terraces overlooking the landscape? As an elf, it sure would make it easier to find my postal customers if I could actually see their locations off in the distance like I'm used to!

Sorry. I heard most hobbits were illiterate, so I didn't figure they needed their mail. Guess I shouldn't believe everything the dwarves tell me about hobbits, huh?

While en route, I ran into a kindly hobbit who wanted to smoke some pipeweed with me. I thought it might be considered an insult to refuse, so I didn't. I guess I smoked a little too much, as I later found myself stunned and dazed, wobbling in place before a large bear. Next thing I knew, I'd handed him my mail satchel and found myself on some wild trip to this odd place in the middle of nowhere, where I was left in a circle surrounded by small rocks, with my hope dimmed and me still shook up.

Despite all the mail delivery failings of the TSPS, the most perseverant mail carriers can and will get all that mail delivered on time...eventually. So, if you've tried those quests or are thinking of it, it can be done. But if you fail a few times along the way, at least you have excuses now!

Earnote: It's the nosey "hobbits" of real life, of course!

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