Did you resolve to get in shape, stay in shape or exercise more this year? Are you tired of the same old, boring routines and tough diet plans that just don't seem to work for you?

If you need a jazzed up workout a Lotronian can relate to, welcome to your new workout program!**

If at any time during the workout program, you feel you are about to /faint, please /rest and relax a few moments. Once you feel you can safely continue the workout, please resume cautiously and only do as much of the exercise program as you feel is safe to do so. In time, your body will become used to the routine, and you will be able to complete the entire workout with no breaks or substitutions.

/ready? Begin!

The Warm-Ups

/bow

/stretch

/dustoff...2 - 3 - 4

/dustoff ...2 - 3 - 4

/lookaround...2 - 3 - 4...and again

/lookaround....2 - 3 - 4

/pose for a count of 8

 

/cheer to "mark time" in between each section and during parts of the workout you feel are too difficult for you as a beginner to this workout.

 

Before we begin the next section, remember to do only as much as you feel comfortable with, but try to push yourself a little bit more each time you do this workout. When you start to feel the burn, /roar it out. Express your pain through /roar and you'll be able to push your body to the limits. Don't /surrender yourself. You'll build more muscle and be a more formidable opponent on the battlefield, the more in-shape you are! Now, let's build some muscle tone!

Calisthenics

/flex

/flex

/handstand

/flex

/flex

/pushups...repeat for a count of 15

/flex

/flex

/pushups...repeat for a count of 15

/flex

 

/cheer to "mark time." Your muscles should be starting to feel the burn by now if you're not used to calisthenics, but the longer you stick with our wonderful new program, the better the results you'll have and the more physically fit you'll be!

 

Are you ready to really work up a /sweat? Great! Let's move on to the aerobic segment of our workout!

Aerobics / Cardio

/flirt...2 - 3 - 4

/cheer

/dance

/dance1 - 1...2 - 3 - 4

/dance2 - 2...2 - 3 - 4

/dance3 - 3...2 - 3 - 4

/bio and hold for 4

/bio again and release...(No, no...not your bowels!)

/pick...your wedgie and shake those hips!

/pick...your wedgie. Yes, it's still there! (Yeah, it's uncouth but you like it...we know it!)

 

Once again, /cheer to "mark time." The next portion of our workout is the alternative exercise routine. It's the highly experimental phase that works many different areas of the body in untraditional ways that some may assume are a bit strange.

 

Ignore the doubters and continue to /cheer. As long as your muscles are in motion, there are calories being burnt. We don't care how crazy you look while working out, nor should you! It's the end results that matter and we feel our workout guarantees results...of some kind. (Even if it's merely just a bunch of people wondering who on Middle Earth would come up with such a ridiculous, asinine idea as an emote workout?!)

Distressed Damsel Exercises

/mock

/shakefist

/tantrum

/giggle

/lol

/laugh

/rude

/smackhead

/crazy

/crazy

/rude

/smoke1 and cough

 

By now, male or female, you should be feeling like a distressed damsel and /impatient for this workout routine to be finished. As your muscles and body /cower and /shiver in over-exertion and an uncontrollable dab of /drool slips from your sagging, quivering lips, we invite you to slow your breathing and allow your heart-rate to normalize again. Your workout is nearly complete!

 

Be sure to complete the entire cooldown phase with us, so as to avoid any potential strain or injury to muscles not used to such an intense and diverse workout routine. Remember, the more often you repeat this workout, the easier it will become and the greater your results will be! (Though for best results, it is highly recommended that you adopt a healthy new diet plan along with your daily workouts.)

The Cooldown

/liedown

/stretch...2 - 3 - 4

/kneel...2 - 3 - 4

/beg...2 - 3 - 4

/pose

/shrug

/pose again

/shrug

/sigh

/stretch

/wave

/bow

 

/congratulate yourself! Your workout is complete! It's not just exercise that you've survived....it's emotercise!

As anyone new to a workout plan knows, it's now probably time to...

/yawn

/wince

/calm

/faint

Finally, fellow Lotronians, don't forget to cleanse yourself after all that /sweat. The creatures you face on the battlefield and those you face in your fellowship, will be glad you did! (It's okay to be bloodied in battle or fellowship, just don't let them see you /sweat...unless they workout with you!) Remember, physical fitness will help your agility and might, among other traits...thus, you will fair much better on the battlefield, as well in your personal conquests and adventures!

We hope you enjoyed our new exercise/emotercise routine and invite you to stick with it. Remember, the best results come with a combination of diet and exercise. Stay tuned to The LotrOnyx Files for future dietary information or recommendations.

**Earnote: Before you begin, please remember that if you are over level 45, you should have complete physical and/or doctor's approval before you attempt any strenuous physical exercise program. During routine exercise, it is also important that you remain fully hydrated, so please /drink as needed.

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