If you've ever worked anywhere, especially in an office environment, you've probably been to at least one meeting, if not 10, 20, 100 or more. Let's hope those weren't all in one week!

Some of you poor souls end up in meeting after meeting every week. Whether it's a 10-minute, half-hour or 3-hour meeting, it's easy to lose focus or to find yourself bored and yawning. The longer the meeting is, the more bored you find yourself and the harder it is to keep your eyelids from drooping, even after that 2nd pot of coffee you just downed.

You don't have to be bored in another meeting or boardroom ever again! No matter how dry the material or how monotone the speaker, you can stay awake and even create your own amusement! In fact, you might even find yourself trying to hide a smile or stifle a chuckle here and there!

The next time you're in a meeting, create your own "amusement park" of the mind! Need some ideas?

Select one of the following numbers, read the related instructions and try your selection at the next meeting you have!**

1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8     9     10     11     12     13     14     15     16     17     18     19     20

(1)  Performance Profiling...where everyone is a "star"!

Observe the others in the meeting and profile each as a celebrity, politician or other public figure you think each is most like. Some, you can identify immediately just by looks or mannerisms; but for the tough ones, factor in such things as quirks, looks, interests, attitudes, and voice inflections or tones. How much time you spend profiling each is up to you. Remember, this is just for your own amusement, so don't stress! Just have fun with it!

(2)  Underwire, Underwear, under...where?!

Not only will this one keep you entertained, but it may also end your fear, shyness or nervous anxiety around your coworkers. Imagine the men in nothing but pink floral, cotton "granny panties" (add in a matching DD-cup underwire if you're feeling particularly saucy); and imagine the women with completely shaved heads and eyebrows, sporting some crazy fashion fads that should never have been...especially when worn as an ensemble and designed in mismatch plaids. Or maybe just imagine the women --- bald and brow-less --- in Spider-man underoos.

(3)  Rainman/Rainwoman

Wear a raincoat to the meeting and refuse to take it off. After all, raingear provides a level of BS protection. =p If asked about the raingear and you feel you must answer, insist that you must keep the raincoat on so you're more resistant to their usual BS.

 

And if you really want to make them wonder, make sure it looks like the raincoat is all you have on...other than your shoes and socks or stockings.

(4)  Un-Survivor Isle

Imagine the boardroom, meeting facility or place of business is an island you've all been stranded upon long enough to have exhausted all guaranteed "safe" food sources. Knowing that in order to survive, you must sacrifice a meeting attendee, observe others present at the meeting or office and decide which one goes first. Rationalize and mentally list off your reasons for that choice. Don't make a quick decision.

 

This could be a long meeting. In fact, it may be necessary to sacrifice more than one, if it's a particularly long meeting. As with the first, rationalize and provide reasons for each person chosen thereafter.

(5)  Buzz the word!

Count the business clichés and "buzz words" used throughout the meeting. Jot them down as you hear them. It will make you look good, as others at the meeting will think you're really listening and taking notes.

 

If you're really bold, yell Yahtzee, Bingo or Kismet after you've reached your personal limit or quota of "buzz words."

(6)  Save the World!

If the fate of the world depended upon you, and you had to procreate with just one of those present at the meeting...who would it be? Pretend ability, reproductive health and age weren't factors. And if those present at the meeting are all the same sex as you, pretend that's not a factor either.

 

Remember, the fate of the world is on your shoulders, or rather...below your belt. You'll have to procreate more than once if humanity is to survive, but don't be greedy. You can only choose one partner. Sorry, but you're afraid you'd get a serious STD from anyone else and you'd die before you had officially "saved the world."

(7)  Fly at a Picnic: The Nuisance

Be the annoying colleague, client, vendor or other attendee. Ask 7-10 questions at the end of the meeting, thus making the meeting drag on another 10 minutes or more. Be sure some of those questions were already discussed or answered earlier in the meeting.

 

Pretend not to understand an answer or two, requiring further explanation and detail, thus causing the meeting to last even longer!

(8)  Meeting Montage: A Musical

Imagine theme songs for each of those present at the meeting...and then, imagine them "singing" and/or "dancing" to their theme songs. If you think someone is a horrible singer or dancer, imagine it so! (After all, this is for your own amusement!) These theme songs should be appropriate in some way to each individual. Choose from any songs you can recall.

 

Is there someone Like a Virgin? Or maybe someone Livin' La Vida Loca? How about an Electric Slide? Or even a Don't Fear the Reaper? Do you know someone who Smells Like Teen Spirit? Maybe you even know a Hollaback Girl, The Gambler, Maneater, Beauty School Dropout or even someone Trapped in the Closet. You get the idea. Those songs are just ideas to get you going. The songs you choose should be ones you're familiar with, so they're that much more entertaining to you.

(9)  Office Clue: Woo, Whoa and Wow

Was it "Andrea" bareback riding on the conference table in the President's Office? Or was it "Glen" with 5-minute maneuvers on an ergonomic office chair in the lunchroom? Or was it "Jan" with an hour-long slow burn against the wall in the supply closet after everyone had gone home for the day?

 

You make the call. It's your game. It's the Clue-like mystery of the business or professional work environment with a twist of hormones, pheromones and office romance. Who would you fantasize doing, and how involved is the fantasy? What? Where? How?

 

(10) Biggest Loser: Ocean-Voyage

You're stuck in the middle of the ocean (with the others in the room or office) on a raft carrying too much weight. You need to push at least one person overboard in order for the raft to stay afloat long enough for a rescue operation to find you. Who goes first and why?

 

If you have a kinder, gentler raft where no one needs to be tossed overboard...how long before someone annoys you? Who would it be? And how would you handle the situation?

(11) Shady Characters

Wear "shades" (sunglasses) to the meeting, insisting that they are prescription or that you just went to the optometrist and had your pupils dilated, so you need to keep the sunglasses on for a few hours. Behind those "shades," nap at the meeting...but try not to snore. You're shady enough with the sunglasses on, but the snoring will definitely give you away!

(12) Free Your Mind

Imagine telling each person at the meeting what you really think...just once! Then, imagine doing that while wearing an aluminum foil hat with an antenna and checking them for fleas, ticks and split ends.

(13) Supermodel, Flypaper...Fashion Model?

The meeting or workplace is a fashion review show. If you were a fashion correspondent (whether straight, gay or simply just more fashion conscious than a retired golf pro...which doesn't take much), who would be the supermodel or winning designer label mogul?

 

Mentally critique your coworkers, as if you were Joan Rivers, Melissa Rivers or any other noted celebrity fashion critic or reviewer. Who's the one most likely to trip on the runway or catwalk? Who's the most likely to wear that fashion "don't"? Who could wear a burlap sack and still be worshipped as a king or queen of fashion? Which female's boob would pop out without her being aware, or which male's pants would fall down without him being aware of the sudden draft? You're this show's fashion expert...you be the judge!

(14) Feeling "Naughty"

Play footsie......with yourself......throughout the meeting. Place and keep your hands under the table, moving them strategically every so often...still beneath the table. Pretend not to notice if anyone notices or gives you strange looks.

(15) Raw & Uncut

Imagine which fruit, vegetable, animal (live or "raw" forms) or mineral each meeting attendee most closely resembles. Maybe even picture each in an old-fashioned drive-in movie ad, where each is animated and dancing around to some hokey tune during intermission meant to entice you to visit the concession stand before the next movie begins.

(16) The 50 Plus Club

Think of the 50 things you could be doing if you had called in "sick"...

the 50 excuses you could've used to get out of the meeting...

the 50 things you could be drinking if you weren't stuck in the meeting...

the 50 most embarrassing moments of your life...

the 50 greatest moments of your life...

the 50 greatest loves or passions of your life...

and for some of you out there...your first 50 years!

(17) Cast, Cartoon...Character!

Imagine the meeting coordinator, planner or host is any of the following characters:

Dr. Evil (Austin Powers movies)

Dr. Phil (more evil than Dr. Evil! *gasp*)

Daffy Duck

Forrest Gump

Barney (the purple dinosaur)

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Cartman (South Park)

Elf

Karen Walker (Will & Grace)

Tyra Banks

Imagine how that character or characters you chose would act, how they would phrase things and how their actions or phrasings would change or impact the meeting.

(18) Sixty-Billion-Dollar Superhuman

You're building a "fantasy team" that you hope will combine to form some sort of superhuman. Of those in your office or meeting, you can select one "part" (whether physical, mental, internal or external) of each person. Whom would you select for your team, and what part of each person chosen would be used toward building your sixty-billion-dollar superhuman?

(19) Soaps and Soap Scum

Create an office soap opera. Whom would you cast, and in what roles?

 

Click here for info on this amusement option. This one is a bit detailed, but could be very entertaining, especially if you're stuck in a long meeting!

(20) Mind, Matter and Mass Madeover

Perform mental makeovers of those in the meeting or workplace. Whether it's looks, personality or demeanor, where would you start? What would you makeover? Would you require a body shop, a shrink, heavy machinery, cases of liquor or simply your own wits and determination? What are the desired results, and how do they compare to the expected results?

 

 

Whenever you have a meeting to attend, try some of the suggestions above. Amuse yourself, because the person in charge of the meeting is sooooooooooo not thinking of your amusement...or else he/she wouldn't have invited you to the meeting in the first place, right?!

**Earnote: Of course, a few of these suggestions are more for laughs than for actual use, so you may decide to choose another number if you're uncomfortable with the first suggestion. #3, for instance, shouldn't be tried unless you know those in the meeting or office have a great sense of humor. However, it could be fun to imagine trying!

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