Glam Your Tasks: Extreme Workplace Makeover - Fragmented Musings by Ms Onyx

Lick an Ear: Onyx's Guide to Insanity . . . . enhancing verbal neurons the natural way!

“Glam”: The Extreme Workplace Makeover

Does your boss ever ask you to account for your time, updating him or her specifically on the duties performed each week…what those duties were and possibly even how long each took? If your tasks vary and/or your boss is separated a bit from your routine workspace, he or she will most likely ask for an accounting of your time in some form or other.

Maybe your boss has a sense of humor. If so, lighten the day sometime by sending your boss a "glammed up" version of the tasks you performed that week. You could even ask for a raise at the end of your emailed task list! After all, if you word it well, your boss will be amazed at all of the professional duties you accomplished in just one week's time!

(You still won’t get that raise, but you’ll at least raise the entertainment level at work!)

If your boss doesn't have a sense of humor, you have my condolences. A boss without a sense of humor is traumatic, especially if your humor knows no bounds! However, you could still share your "glammed up" task listing with some friends and co-workers that could probably use the entertainment.

Whether your duties are listed here or not, you, too, can “glam up” your tasks, or try these on for "size":

Account Balancing – Economic Symmetrics

Accounts Payable/Receivable – Banking Fundamentals

Advertising/Marketing – Aesthetic Dynamics

Aerobics Instructing – Agility & Aerodynamics Mentoring

Assembly – Dynamic Synthesis

Auto Mechanics – Technological Logistics Systems Restoration

Babysitting – Formative Psychology & Developmental Nurturing

Bookkeeping – Historical Archivist

Building Inspection – Structural Evaluation & Integrity Assessment

Butchering – Resource Recycling & End Results Processing

Cashiering/Sales Clerking – Financial Redistribution

Changing Light Bulbs – Illumination Engineering

Client "Schmoozing" – Political Interfacing

Computer Programming – Central Processing Indoctrination

Construction Work – Physics & Architectural Tectonics

Consulting – Diagnostics Counseling and Advisement Services

Cooking/Food Preparation –Consumables Innovation & Output

Cosmetology (Perming; Highlighting; Hair Dying) - Artistic Chemical Illustration

Customer Service – Public Relations Networking

Data Entry – Ghost-Writing

Data or Resource Retrieval – Archeology, Discovery and Rescue Operations

Data Transferal (Copy/Paste) – Artistry and Logistical Manipulation

Database Creation – Information Facilitation & Engineering

Debating – Mental Agility Stimulation

Delivery – Logistics

Dishwashing – Decontamination Processing

Dusting – Pharmaceutical & Environmental Allergen Removal

Electrical Engineering - Mechanized Transubstantiation

Email; Phone; Fax, etc. – Intelligence and Information Systems Administration

Equipment Installation – Facility and Technology Interface Engineering

Excavation; Exhumation – Geological Research & Recovery Missions

Extermination – Tactical Combative Maneuvers

Farming – Environmental Entrepreneuring

File Shredding – Intelligence & Data Purging

Filing – Data Facilitation and Structuring

Flight/Travel Time – Aeronomical Maneuvering Technics

Floral Design – Horticultural Artistry

Garbage/Recycling Duties – Antiquities Processing

Grounds Keeping – Homeland Security

Harvesting – Commodities Collection & Processing

Human Resource Management – Anthropology

Interviewing – Educational Vocabulary Stimulus

Lab Testing/Experimentation – Scientific Exploration

Landscaping/Lawn Maintenance – Environmental Sciences

Machine Repair – Systems Analysis, Support & Recovery

Management – Roleplaying "God"

Manufacturing – Commodities Production

Manure Spreading – Ecosystem Catalytic Distribution

Meeting – Mind Synchronization and Team Building

Milking Cows – Liquid Consumables Collection

Modeling – Aesthetic Performing

Photocopying – Cloning

Planting/Gardening – Ecosystems Support & Development

Plastic Surgery – Molecular Restoration

Preaching – Oratorical Theatrics

Printing – Data Conception Innovation

Prioritizing Tasks – Administrative Acrobatics

Prison Guarding – Anthropological Monitoring & Conservation

Problem Solving – Remediation & Mountain Relocation

Project Planning – Strategic Forecasting & Integration

Proofing and Editing – Linguistic and Technical Inspection

Psychiatry/Psychology – Anthropological Analysis & Restoration

Purchasing – Economics & Consumerism

Quality Control; Project or Data Review – Interpretive Analyses & Intuitive Legislation

Receiving – Importing

Reporting – Creating Source Documentation

Research – Data Support Functionality & Analysis

Safety Coordination – Environmental Hazards Assessment & Monitoring

Shipping – Exporting

Social Work – Philanthropy

Sorting – Genotyping

Supply Organization; Inventorying – Resource Cataloging and Indexing

Task Delegation – Strategic Maneuvers

Tax Preparation – Economic Preservation Logging

Teaching/Training – Mentoring & Apprenticing

Technical Repair & Maintenance – Rocket Science

Toilet Cleaning – Community Service & Waste Management

Toilet Plunging; Sink Unclogging – Exorcism

Vacuuming – Domestic Engineering & Hazardous Waste Removal

Waiting/Waitressing – Consumables Coordination & Logistics

Website Designing – Technical Illustration & Artistic Authoring

For further amusement, you could also add in the following personal "tasks”:

Coffee/Break Time – Debugging and Defragging

Fidgeting – Motor Skills Sharpening

Golfing – Flexibility and Agility Reanimation

Lunch Break – Consumables Input & Food Critiquing

Restroom Break – Systems Operations (i.e. Downloading and Back-Ups)

Sharing Jokes – Entertainment Coordination

Singing; Humming – Oratorical Research in Auditory Responsiveness
“Slacking Off” – Reformatting

Once you’ve selected your tasks and their correlating “glammed up” names, you’re ready to compose that letter or email to your boss, co-workers or friends.

Be sure to include an opener, such as the following, before your task list:

Last week's tasks were extensive and dangerous, requiring great attention to detail in addition to special care and handling of delicate and sensitive operations. The following tasks were performed on a closed course by a highly skilled and trained professional*:

Body of letter or email would be nothing more than the listing of your tasks, using their new names. For instance, using terms from above…if you did some filing, file shredding, project planning, photocopying, golfing and debating…your list would consist of the following:

Data Facilitation and Structuring

Intelligence & Data Purging

Strategic Forecasting & Integration

Cloning

Flexibility and Agility Reanimation

Mental Agility Stimulation

Also, include a closing note, such as the following, which would expand upon content from your opening note:

*Do NOT under any circumstances attempt any of the above unless you are a highly trained professional wearing proper protective equipment (such as a helmet), or serious injury may occur.

< Type or sign your name here and include additional lines for your job title and any other pertinent contact information >

P.S. Wow…even I can't believe I did all that…can I get a raise?!

You will then need to compose a separate file used to follow up your task list. This additional file would be the “definition key” used to understand the “glammed up” task terminology in terms your boss, friends and/or co-workers will understand.

Using the same information as in the above example, your definition key would include the following: