Soaps and Soap Scum (Fragments of the Subconscious / Office humor by Ms Onyx)

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Soaps and Soap Scum

(meeting and office amusement)

If your office or meeting group was a soap opera…who would play the roles below? We all know there’s plenty of work or office-related drama from time to time, so what if your office or peer group really was a soap? You probably know the characters well. Who are they?

For your own amusement, take a look around the room or office and "cast" your soap opera. Who plays who? (No need to answer all the questions. Just fill in the ones you feel you could “cast.”)

The rich old man always plotting and scheming…
Rich old man’s sweet and innocent “better half”…who's knowingly overlooked his wrongs all these years…
Embittered adult son(s)/daughter(s) of the couple above. Generally successful, but always feeling as if their accomplishments never quite meet daddy's expectations…
Illegitimate offspring of the rich old man…bitter and envious for all he/she has been denied as the unrecognized offspring of the rich and famous…
Mysterious new person to the town - bit of a rebel “bad boy” or “bad girl”…
Candy-striper type - the perky, sweet, naïve and tentative one…
Longtime “flame” of rich old man (note: rich old man’s wife thinks this affair ended years ago)…
Woman recently returned to town…dying to blackmail certain "upstanding people," regarding their secret misdeeds and indiscretions…
Local “mob” boss, sexy and brooding male…
Mobster’s wife, domineering, yet alluring, and usually up to something…
Recurring lost love (greatest love) of mobster --- he thought she died at least 2x already, but somehow she keeps resurfacing in town sooner or later…
Grandchild to rich old couple. Character started as a baby that aged in 8x fast-forward mode until suddenly, the "baby" was a teen or young adult. Actor/actress playing the character was replaced 2 or 3 times until the right “hottie” was found as the character emerged into young adulthood.
Town gossip monger…
Town priest/pastor/minister…voice of reason (and yet may have his/her own secrets)…
Old man’s nephew/niece, always trying to get a piece of his/her uncle’s fortunes and business dealings…
Lifelong rival to old man’s nephew/niece…
Token gay or lesbian character. (There may be more than one gay or lesbian character per show, but this "token" character must be cast carefully, as he/she is a mainstay of the show. Audiences may have been lukewarm to this character's "outing" at first, but they now consider this person an integral part of the cast whom they've grown to love.)
Pet to #1…
“Do-gooder” cop/private-eye…
Sweet boyfriend/girlfriend to town gossip monger
Conniving but handsome “hottie” who wants to use and abuse town gossip monger to his/her advantage
“Friend” to town gossip monger who’s actually jealous and plans to backstab him/her
Token interracial couple dealing with racial issues, prejudices and differences OR token mixed-religion couple dealing with religious differences, biases, etc.
The sincere, well-intentioned but overlooked, stocky friend…
Local mob boss’s right-hand “enforcer,” another “hottie” who’s dark & mysterious…
Mob boss’s deadbeat dad (abandoned his son when son was just a child, barely old enough to remember him, but old enough to hold a grudge for the hardships it put his mom and family through)…
The doc or respected elder who reads the story of the first Christmas to the children at the hospital each year…
Overworked psychiatrist who practically should’ve had all of the characters as clients. Overworked, but oddly never seems to be seen working (just like most others in the soap =p).
Dude/dudette presumed dead, as he/she disappeared under mysterious circumstances…or was in an accident where he/she was “presumed dead” but no body ever found. May have disappeared mysteriously a few times, but always seems to come back (much like mobster’s long lost love interest)…
Long-time female cast-member whose matriarchal character suffers from split personalities that seem to disappear for awhile, but always come back (winning her numerous Emmy Awards)…
The most eligible male and/or female on the show…married and divorced more times than you can recall…
Any other soap opera parts I missed that you'd like to cast...

Soaps…don’t ya love em?! Drama, whether scented or unscented...it's out there! Have fun with it…who do you see as soap stars in your office, meeting or peer group?

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