Good Coffee Gone Bad

Have you been corrupted by coffee? Do you worry that maybe your coffee is a little too strong and too powerful, influencing you in ways you don’t even yet realize? It’s always possible that your coffee has been the victim of ultimate “corruptimization.” Watch for these tell-tale signs:

Even your carpet - which usually loves staining itself with coffee - refuses to absorb it!

It tastes like…coffee! *sour-faced gasp*

It’s got you drinking it straight, black. (Rest easy. This sort of corruption can be fixed with cream and sugar and/or the flavoring of your choice. Whew!)

It keeps you awake at work. Pffft, What happened to paid naptime?!

It actually made you EARLY for work!

It found that “hole” in your lip and inevitably exploited it on the day you had an important meeting and/or were dressed in a light color where a coffee stain is impossible to hide.

You have or adopt children and/or pets…and name them after coffees you’ve loved. Latte, Mocha, Cappuccino, Morning Blend, Hazelnut, Vanilla, Arabica, Cinnamon Roast, etc. You need help…now!

It made you agree to do more work…

…agree to help someone with home improvement projects

…agree to help clean out your neighbors rain gutters

…or even agree to clean out your own rain gutters, toilet, etc.

You awoke and noticed it had brewed itself! *Gasp* Unattended Coffee Making is almost criminal. You should always “attend” your Automated Coffee Making. =p

You skipped your coffee yesterday and experienced “the shakes,” lethargy, and…flashbacks of blissfully frolicking, just the two of you…you and your coffee…alone together <3…

Every time you see a coffee shop, you can almost hear the fresh call of coffee ringing softly in your ears --- not as if it’s just calling to you, but almost as if it’s coming onto you! And you’re weak to its strong, “flavorful” charms and the rich, robust scent wafting through your senses.

You know you did everything right, but somehow you found your coffee erupted all over the counter and floor minutes later when you checked on it. It couldn’t have been something you did! Never! You could never assault your coffee in such a manner as that. After all, that would be substance abuse *gasp*…er, caffeinated coffee abuse!

It shows signs of jealousy when you “cheat” on it with caffeinated soda.

It tastes so bland it’s almost like you forgot to change the coffee grounds and filter, but of course…you know, it couldn’t have been you. Must be the coffee! (Vengeance for that “fling” you had with caffeinated soda last night?!)

It stirs you more than you stir it.

It caused you to “swallow wrong,” thus making you splutter coffee all over. The coffee is extremely corrupt, if this happened as you read this topic. (Or in the author’s case…as it was written. And yes, turns out the author’s coffee is extremely corrupt.)

And of course…. it makes you responsible for thoughts and topics like this. =p 

If your coffee has been corrupted, and this corruption has its hold on you…there is not much you can do now,

but drink slowly,

try not to spill,

enjoy and

embrace the corruption. *grin*

After all, if you have aspirations of becoming a politician one day…well, that corruption can only help! *wink* Even if you have no such aspirations, the uncorrupted mind is a wasted mind. In fact, it’s a corrupted mind that founded the Lick An Ear website, so some amount of corruption can’t be all that bad, can it?

Earnote: If you answered “yes” to the final question, you need to drink more coffee. Begin now.

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