The furry one is me.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You wouldn't like me angry.

And you especially

wouldn't like me angry on Halloween!

 

Enough with the small-talk. Let's get down to business:

 

 

Demise of the Mortals

Cauldron optional.

Wand optional.

Ingredients:

• Hairballs. As many as you can make!

• Odiferous Litter-Box Droppings. As many as you can make! Use generously.

Optional Garnish:

Recommended for use by long-haired "hippie" witches only.

• Cling-Ons, with or without litter attached.

Keep ingredients separate.

Apply hairballs to mortals' lairs. Preferably on pillows, in major walkways or paths and in favorite chairs. Apply all at once, or periodically throughout a 24-hour period. The most experienced of witches are advised to greet mortals with a special on-cue / time-released hairball upon mortal approach.

"Dump" generous portion of odiferous droppings into litter-box receptacle periodically to retain "freshness." Do not attempt to cover contents with litter.

Set aside remaining portion of odiferous litter-box droppings for later use. Locate key carpet area (such as a main walkway or entry point into residence) on which to "dump" remaining droppings when feeling a particularly pungent and odiferous bowel movement coming on. Release contents, being careful (if contents under pressure) not to obtain splatter onto fur coat.

Now, for the final touch...

Long-haired, "hippie" witches dab on cling-on for garnish. Use liberally on hind quarters. May sprinkle with litter, if desired. Raise hind quarters in air toward mortal when in or near any mortal's lap. Wave wand (tail) to create draft to catch any lingering odiferousness.

For best performance of Demise of the Mortals process...

Greet mortals with cute, curious look and immediately jump into any mortal's lap. This confuses and calms them, even as disgusted as they may be upon discovery of your other Halloween presents to them.

Purring is also recommended, as this sound lulls mortals into a false sense of acceptance and security. They actually think we like them and have no clue we have been plotting their demise every single one of our nine-plus lives!

Happy Halloween,

from my coven to yours!

May you plot the demise of many a mortal!

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