The next time you are accused, blamed or faulted for anything, simply pull up your internet Get out of Blame Free! card, which you should already have bookmarked in your "favorites" folder...right? *wink* Send this link to your accuser(s), showing him, her or them that you are not the cause or the problem. You are but an innocent, unwitting suspect while the real "criminal" mastermind was busy elsewhere, apparently wreaking more havoc and creating more chaos.

I confess......

It's not me. I didn't do a thing.

I am insulted you should suspect me at all, but I will forgive you because I know...you didn't mean to hurt me with your baseless accusations. You simply didn't know any better...or maybe you simply hadn't heard of Ms Onyx. I am innocent. The guilt lies elsewhere.

It was Ms Onyx of Lick an Ear. She did it. She's the guilty party. Her evil plotting and planning knows no bounds. She always has an ace up her sleeve, or at least a joker. (Sometimes, she confuses one with the other, or at least that was her latest confession.)

That's right. Ms Onyx...

• is evil.

• is the devil.

• schemes.

• plots.

• plans.

• only thinks of herself.

• is always in the wrong.

• couldn't possibly be human like the rest of us.

• never had even one altruistic moment or good intention.

• and finally, only ever did or does it all for the attention.

After all, why else would anyone accept the guilt for everything?

To tell you the truth, I don't really care why she did or does it. I'm just glad that she's willing to accept all blame and guilt, so I can be innocent. It's her fault. She caused it. She did it. She confesses to all.

Whatever the offense, misdeed, misnomer, letdown, frustration, upset or disagreement, Ms Onyx accepts all blame. She apologizes for 25% of it, but was too busy causing more grief, turmoil, trauma and trouble to be bothered to apologize for the rest of the innumerable, unnamed misdeeds she wasn't even aware she had caused, was about to cause or would set in motion during some future decade or millennia with or without her presence.

That said, I do hereby solemnly vow to forgive you, my accuser(s)

for blaming me when you should've known better.

**Earnote: Ms Onyx's deepest, most sincere apologies if you're my boss, mom, dad, half-sibling or someone else whom I would neither want sex from, nor may not owe me that. She just thought she'd throw in that line for the fun of it. Actually, she just did it for the attention it might get me. And for that, she gladly accepts the blame. However, she also notes if you and I are not "consenting adults," then we should disregard the reference altogether...or replace the word sex with Pez candies or a really expensive pair of socks.)

P.S. If you have received a link to this Get out of Blame Free! card by someone you have accused of wrongdoing, please do not feel that you are to blame for wrongfully accusing anyone. Simply pass the blame onto Ms Onyx, and feel free to use this link whenever you are blamed for something. It's never anyone's fault but Ms O's!

Never feel guilty or take responsibility for anything ever again, when you can simply redeem another Get out of Blame Free! card.

The Confessional

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