D-list celebrities becoming "real" cops?! Hearing the latest concept for yet another "reality show" starring d-list celebs, one can't help but wonder...with that show and all the d-list celebrity reality shows already out there...what could be next? Maybe the below mock shows, parodies or spoof ideas aren't all that far-fetched after all:

Rehab and Weep

A group of d-list celebs who turned to drugs upon their fall from grace attempt to kick their bad habits with the world watching. While at the rehab facility together, they find solace and comfort in each other's arms. These celebs aren't just crying for the camera, their tears are for real!

Skank Flankers

A group of young Hollywood d-list starlets, desperate for fame and fortune, turn skanky ho beyotch. It's every skank for herself. Watch and see which d-list skank closes rank on the most flanks to win the competition by a nose, a blow job...and an STD! (Viewer discretion advised. Content not appropriate for those under the age of 18, and may not be suitable for those over 65 prone to heart attacks and strokes.)

Meal or No Meal

Watch these anorexic and/or bulimic d-list celebrities choose from an array of matching food platters, all with different contents inside. Will they have to eat a full home-cooked meal, a seven-course dinner, a snack, a raisin...or will they be spared by a platter containing nothing but diet pills and water or empty air? Warning: this show may contain calories, trans fat, sodium, lactose and artificial flavoring!

I'm a Celebrity...Let Me Out of this Closet!

You thought you knew them when they were really famous, but now that they're d-listers...they've gone into the closet and only they know who belongs there, who doesn't and who's just looking to experiment for the very first time. These d-list celebs spend the season in a "closet" of their own making. Effeminate, emasculated, butch or just plain "curious"...these celebs are in for some real surprises through make-up tips, makeovers and stage direction, leading to a finale that includes clips of cross-dressed celebs performing off-broadway showtunes.

Celebrity Mole-It-Off Cocktail

D-list celebs with notable moles compete to see whose moles have what it takes to win a comeback...and whose moles need to be nuked. Don't miss the talent competition where the naked moles show you why they're famous, nor the face-off where moles compete head-to-head --- or mole-to-mole --- in feats of strength, agility and power. Also, watch for the "d-lister mole-it-off stare off" to find out whose mole intimidates the competition by nothing more than mere existence and placement.

America's Next SuperAddict

From models to supermodels to washed-up, discount store underwear-ad celebs, watch to see which of these d-listers is destined to become the next biggest drug addicted 95-pound, stringy-haired, toothpick-armed, boney-butted, homeless, has-been model.

Beauty and the Former Child-Star

A group of lovely ladies are paired up with former child-stars who are now d-list celebs whose biggest gigs these days are signing autographs at their hometown high school bake sales and holding the scissors as it cuts the ribbon at the local grocery store grand re-opening extravaganza. Do these baby-faced former child-stars who still look age 10-14 have what it takes to make the beauties fall in love with them...or will they have to play dirty, resorting to their pouty, puppy-dog eyes and sugary, "cornball" lines they'd become known for as child-stars?

The Hollywood Hillbillies

Join these formerly elite Hollywood celebs as they are forced to live like a family of uncivilized mountain pioneers. They share a two-room shanty with an outhouse out back. No running water. No electricity. No agents. No scripts. No assistants. No motorized vehicles. No designer clothes. No toilet paper! *gasp* Not even a single cell phone or beauty product! The cameras are rolling! Which of these celebs has what it takes to be a real hillbilly? In other words, which ones will be slipping between the hand-scrubbed sheets...missionary-style...with their own (virtually real) relation? And which ones go even further by looking a little too lustily at the mountain goat that's a little friendlier than it should be?

Ammonia, Alimony or the Almighty Adonis and Aphrodite

These d-listers fall in and out of love faster than most of us can slip off a shoulder strap or unzip a fly. Relationships will end by the multitudes, but when the dust settles and the ink dries on the flurry of divorce decrees, who walks away the ultimate "Almighty Adonis" or "Almighty Aphrodite" having paid the most ammonia, the least alimony and...broken the most homes on the set of a single movie...and yet is loved and worshipped still, by millions of drooling fans and several would-be copycats?!

Who Wants to be...on Welfare?!

Once famous and earning wages most could only dream of, these are d-listers out of money and into hard times. No known skills, education or talents to fall back on, these d-listers are forced to apply for minimum wage, entry level jobs. Who will swallow their pride to play greeters, fry cooks and "gophers" working their way up the ladder...and who will, instead, choose the downward spiral to bankruptcy, welfare and food stamps?! But wait, there's a surprise...none of these d-list celebs are actually getting paid the mediocre wages they were "promised" to do the reality show! (You see...none of them bothered to read the fine print on the contract. It's probably how they ended up in such financial straits in the first place!)

Clearly, there just aren't enough reality shows out there for d-list celebrities. We need more. How else would anyone ever know whatever happened to so-and-so from that one show that lasted half-a-season back in 1976...or to so-and-so from that other show that lasted three seasons and may have starred a celebrity or two who later went on to become blockbuster movie stars, while the d-list celeb disappeared in a cloud of their superior talents and marketability.

Earnote: Of course, who am I to mock, spoof, parody or otherwise poke fun of those poor, struggling d-list celebs and shows showcasing them? I can't even aspire to become a z-list celeb! =p Well, I may aspire to it, but I think I have a better chance of being told I'm already a winner by one of those silly sweepstakes that try to sell you something on the guise that you're almost guaranteed to win something...even if it's just a plastic ring from an old, dilapidated gumball machine.

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