If I had a penny for every thought, money would never be an issue. (With that kind of money, I could scoff at the lottery jackpots!)

Yes, I am smarter than a 5th grader, but it's the 8th grade know-it-alls I really have to worry about!

Lick an ear at least once in your life. For if you never try it, how will you know whether or not (like everything else), it tastes like chicken?!

If lefties really are in their right minds, does that mean righties have left their minds altogether? Not a bad idea, considering how often one's thoughts can get one into trouble! =p

Doo-doo unto others as they doo-doo unto you.

Travel the world...by Googling it. It's much cheaper and involves a lot less jet lag. And if you want pictures of your travels? Google for those, too. "Virtually," you're still a world traveler, even if you never did leave the comfort of your own home!

Age isn't just a number. It's usually two of them beside each other, moving in an upward direction, defying gravity and one's own personal preferences.

Make no sense whenever possible. It raises eyebrows, keeping people alert but hopelessly confused. It's an easy way to appear smarter than the 5th graders, even if you're more of a 3rd grader level.

The next time you're having a bad day and someone asks you how you're doing or how your day is? Say nothing. Just bark a few times (literally) and walk away. Maybe they'll throw you a bone or decide to take you for that walk you probably need.

Don't be a fool with your money. Hand it to me and then be a fool while I take your money on a grand shopping spree.

"Hip huggers" aren't for everyone. If you can't hug your hips, you probably shouldn't be wearing them, either.

If you're going to go around carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, make sure you're in shape first. There aren't many "spotters" around who can take that weight from you before it does permanent damage to you (and/or them).

It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. The point is, if there's any liquid in the glass at all, it means you need to find another target at which to throw that water or liquid!

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