Lick's Picks (movie reviews): Braces, Zits and Cheerleader Cliques

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Braces, Zits and Cheerleader Cliques

You'll recognize these movies as the "teen" movies. Peer pressure, pimples, braces and ugly-ducklings-turned-prom-princess-material in about 0.25 seconds.

From geeks and social outcasts to jocks, cheerleader types and varying classes in-between, they're all a part of the teen movie genre that we at Lick an Ear call "Braces, Zits and Cheerleader Cliques."

Have to watch a teen movie? Check the reviews and ratings below, and maybe you'll find one you can stomach even if you're decades beyond those scary years of teenage trauma you'd rather forget.

Lick Ratings Scale

Breakfast Club, The Writer/Director: John Hughes.

3.5 Licks

1985

Rated R

Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, Judd Nelson, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall.

Finally, five teenagers, just where you'd want them on a Saturday...locked up in high school detention all day! As if that's not already a boon, they're even forced to write...an essay! (Awww, you almost feel sorry for them, until you remember your own teen years or until you look at other teens in your life today.) Each of the five are from differing backgrounds and hierarchies in the high school "class" system, and none likes each other at the beginning of the day.

Watch the sparks, snipes and quips fly once the principal leaves the room. Maybe the world's leaders should be locked in detention together for a day. They could really learn something from these teens. It doesn't matter what social class or upbringing you're from, or even who your friends are...there's more to a person than just a stereotype, radio frequency or personal hygiene habits. From the jock and popular "princess" to the loser, the misunderstood misfit and even to the nerd...this movie shows you CAN teach a teenager new tricks. And by tricks, it has nothing to do with turning them or street-walking!

John Hughes was clearly the 1980's prom king of the teen movie-making genre. Not even, braces, zits or cheerleader types could hide from his pen or all-seeing camera lens. And as for the actors and actresses? Well, they're icons, all part of what was dubbed the "brat pack" due to their garnering fame in the 1980's, often appearing together in films aimed at teen audiences.

Bring It On				1.5 Licks
	2000	Rated PG-13	Kirsten Dunst, Gabrielle Union, Eliza Dushku.
	Oh, yippee. A movie about perky, near-anorexic chicks with attitude in short skirts who think cheering is everything! Like you hadn't had enough of them in high school! Their hairspray probably weighs more than most of them do, and probably has more content and volume than they do when not cheering or practicing their routines. The only ones who should bother with this movie are the cheer squad captains and coaches whose most major concern in life is coming up with a winning routine...or maybe that former cheerleader, trying to recapture the "glory days." Got a cheerleader uniform in the back of your closet? If so, make sure you try it on and see if you can still learn a routine on the fly. Go, fight, win...and split your panties when you discover you're not as limber or as weightless as you once were.

Bring It On Again (1st sequel to *Bring It On*)				0 Licks
	2004	Rated PG-13	Anne Judson-Yager, Faune A. Chambers, Bree Turner.
	Another sequel that should never have been made. If the first movie didn't make you want to puke, this one will. And if the first movie did...well, you'll blow even more chunks at this one. Even if you're a cheerleader, the concept of this movie will probably make you roll your eyes, quit the team and turn in your pom-poms...forever! It even makes the chess or math club suddenly look more enticing!

Clueless				3.75 Licks
	1995	Rated PG-13	Alicia Silverstone, Paul Rudd, Brittany Murphy, Stacey Dash, Donald Faison, Julie Brown, Dan Hedaya, Breckin Meyer.
	Silverstone plays a popular, rich teen who turns out isn't as superficial and collected as her "act" leads you to believe. This teen girl even surprises herself with her depth as she discovers her inner being through the trials and tribulations of teenage life as only experienced in the 90210-ish overpriced unreality that is greatly non-existent to most of the rest of the world. She learns she has a lot to learn, and isn't as smart as she thinks she is. In fact, she's almost totally "clueless"! Even if you're not that into teen movies, this one's worth watching for all its slang. Don't know what a Betty or a Baldwin is? Never fear, watch and learn! You'll be totally wiggin' or buggin' if you don't! This movie's way ragin'! See it or be toast!

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

0 Licks

2004

Rated PG

Lindsay Lohan, Glenne Headly, Carol Kane, Adam Garcia.

One-quarter of you probably were drama queens, so you already know this movie. Why spend the money to see it, when you already lived it?! Get over yourself already!

As for the rest of you, just go ask your pussy neighbors or co-workers to role-play teen drama queens, whether they've seen the movie or not. You finally have an excuse to socialize with your neighbors and co-workers, and......laugh at their expense, rather than them always laughing at you!

If you still want to see this movie, and you're not age 12 - 17, just go to confessional. You obviously have greater issues going on, of which we should all concern ourselves! We'll pray for you!

Cruel Intentions				4 Licks
	1999	Rated R	Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Reese Witherspoon, Swoosie Kurtz, Christine Baranski, Tara Reid, Selma Blair.
	The character Sarah Michelle Gellar plays is so devilishly evil, she's nearly worth 4 licks even without considering any other elements to this movie. Evil has never been this fun, or maybe it has, but...this movie's still some of the most deliciously mischievous, evil fun you can have without a hangover and bail to pay the next day! Bets, virgins, seduction, manipulative teenage step-siblings who toy with the idea of sleeping together as they wreak havoc on those around them...what more fun could you possibly have in a teen flick?! It's a great updated remake of 1988's Dangerous Liaisons.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off Writer/Director: John Hughes.

4 Licks

1986

Rated PG-13

Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck, Jennifer Grey, Cindy Pickett, Charlie Sheen.

Ferris is that got-it-together guy in high school that his peers worship, adore and jealously wish they could be. He knows how to work the system to get away with things that most others couldn't --- things we'd get caught at before we'd even vocalized the idea or implemented a plan. He's the friend you wish you had, even knowing that he was likely to get you in trouble time and again. And on top of that, he's the sibling or the school-kid you can't wait to see punished for all the rules he breaks, if only you could somehow catch him...

Matthew Broderick probably skipped out of something to play the part of Ferris. In fact, maybe you could skip school or work, and say it was "research" for an acting role, if you get caught. If your principal or boss buys the excuse, maybe they'll even ask you for your autograph just in case it's worth something...someday.

Enjoy a day off with Ferris. And if you have to skip school or work to do so, he'd approve! *cough* *cough* I'm *sniffle* feeling sick...*cough* *sniffle*

Mean Girls

0 Licks

2004

Rated PG-13

Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Lacey Chabert, Tina Fey, Tim Meadows, Amy Poehler, Ana Gasteyer.

Proceed to your nearest high school. Find and identify the "cool" chicks. Observe for 15 to 20 minutes.

There! Now, you've seen the movie, and you saved both time and money! You won't have to ask anyone for a refund on the 97 minutes you would've wasted on this movie.

Now, go do something useful or important with the money you didn't spend on the movie and concessions...save a child or two in a third world country. Or if you could go back in time, maybe you could "save" Lindsay Lohan from herself.

Pump Up the Volume				3.5 Licks
	1990	Rated R	Christian Slater, Samantha Mathis.
	The teen years are hard on anyone. Lonely. Awkward. Uncomfortable. Unsure of yourself or your place in the world. Afraid to be yourself. Afraid you're the geek even if you're thought to be cool. Unable to really talk to your friends. And you definitely can't talk to your parents. Thinking no one really understands. No one really knows you. Thinking everything you feel and think all really matters and defines you for life...even when those teen years are just an ugly blip in life the older you get. And where most hide all that angst, fear and uncertainty behind an exterior that comes off cool or uncaring, inside lies the truth most are too afraid to share with their peers. And when the unknown DJ persona of Hard Harry shares some of those thoughts and feelings most tend to hide...well, watch for yourself. Slater makes a great dark, brooding teen. As Hard Harry, he makes you realize that even in those awkward, nightmarish teen years, you're not alone. You can rise up, rebel and be heard!

She's All That				3 Licks
	1999	Rated PG-13	Rachael Leigh Cook, Freddie Prinze Jr., Paul Walker, Matthew Lillard, Kevin Pollak, Anna Paquin, Kieran Culkin, Gabrielle Union.
	Cute teen flick with the usual stereotypes, but this one has updated quirks and nuances that work for it. Plus, it doesn't hurt that Freddie Prinze Jr. is the lead jock. His smile could charm the glasses off any supposed ugly-duckling outcast girl. In fact, his smile would probably make a girl with 20/20 vision suddenly morph into an ugly-duckling outcast with glasses, just so he could charm the glasses (and anything else) off her! Matthew Lillard's role as an overly self-absorbed, self-obsessed former reality show star also adds a bit of fun and flair to this teen flick.

Sixteen Candles Writer/Director: John Hughes.				3 Licks
	1984	Rated PG	Molly Ringwald, Michael Schoeffling, Anthony Michael Hall, Paul Dooley, John Cusack, Joan Cusack, Jami Gertz.
	Fun entertainment on the traumas, disappointments and embarrassments of the teen years. Things that seemed so "big" at the time, may be a faded memory now, but to the teen with the raging hormones, zits and a feeling of awkward discomfort...every little thing becomes a big thing. (That explains the problem with men and measurements. They must've learned to measure that wink in their teens, too. =p) Story is cleverly written by John Hughes, who knows the teen genre well; and cleverly played out, especially by Molly Ringwald, an obvious Hughes' favorite. If you're a romantic at heart, the final scene will steal your breath and your heart as it has many others in the past.

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