|
Lick Ratings Scale
|
11:14 |
4
Licks |
|
|
2003 |
Rated R |
Henry Thomas, Patrick
Swayze, Barbara Hershey, Rachael Leigh Cook, Hilary Swank, Clark
Gregg, Colin Hanks. |
|
|
This movie deserves a lot more notice
and accolades than it received. Superb dark comedy involving multiple
storylines all converging at one point in time. The movie opens with
an accident that occurs at 11:14pm, and backtracks from there to show events that lead up to that fateful
moment impacting so many both directly and indirectly.
Robbery, murder, scams, lies and
deceit…what more could you want in a dark comedy?! Drunk driving?
Juvenile delinquency? Death? Dismemberment? Misinterpretations?
Small-town cop trying to make sense of it all?
Really? Well, if that’s what you want,
you may be demented and others may think your sick sense of humor
requires therapy, but hey, that’s awesome…because it means you’ll love
this movie!!
Watching
11:14
unravel the stories from various individual perspectives, wondering
just how or why each story somehow has a connection to the events that
unfold one night around 11:14pm will leave you well entertained and
amused.
Warning:
Not all things are as they appear in your rearview mirror. Or maybe
they are. I’m not telling. Just watch the movie and be glad you’re
only a spectator! |
|
40 Days and 40 Nights |
1 Lick |
| |
2002 |
Rated R |
Josh Hartnett,
Shannyn Sossamon, Maggie Gyllenhaal. |
| |
Pretentious
comedy of a young, single man giving up sex for Lent, as if to say
he's really so hot he gets offers nearly every night. If it wasn't for
his dorky hair, maybe he would, but with hair like that and his suave
"I'm all that" airs, I didn't buy it...and was even more sorry I paid
to see it.
Shave your head
or get a new hairdresser, Josh. You look like a 6-year-old whose mom
still gives him the "bowl haircut" or some other variation
of a cheap cut you still paid too much to get! Try a mullet, at least it would
give you some depth, even if it's just hair. |
|
40 Year-Old Virgin, The |
3
Licks |
|
|
2005 |
Rated R |
Steve Carell, Paul Rudd,
Catherine Keener, Elizabeth Banks. |
|
|
The 40 Year-Old Virgin
is often vulgar with a lot of
swearing, but if you can stand that…you’ll find this movie hilarious!
(For those of you who can’t take the vulgar language, you won’t make
it through this movie…so don’t even try. Trust me on this.) Of course,
if you were a 40-year-old virgin, you could probably understand the
vulgar language and the frustrations or need for such dialogue.
Carell is perfect as the virgin. As I
watched this movie, I really believed he had never had sex before. And
I still don’t think he has in reality! Well, you know what I mean.
That’s either great acting or a sad
commentary on the state of things in his own personal “office.”
40-year-old virgins, virginettes and born-again virgins, you
make the call! No matter the state of your sexual life, you’ll enjoy
this movie and it will probably make you feel better about your own
situations…and positions (for those of you that have had some and
“gotten some” *wink*). |
|
American Dreamz |
0
Licks |
|
|
2006 |
Rated PG-13 |
Hugh Grant, Mandy Moore,
Dennis Quaid, Willem Dafoe, Chris Klein. |
|
|
American Dreamz is a satire on the reality show generation, wherein people are
seemingly more interested in watching a bunch of loser dreamers on
stage than in facing the realities of the world around them or in
being part of that world and what goes on in it.
In American Dreamz, even the
president (played by Quaid) is clueless! (Some days, that doesn’t seem
like such a stretch. =p) Hoping to improve his popularity
ratings, the president is set to judge the final two contestants on
the "American Dreamz" show. The show itself is hosted by a weary but
now rich host (Grant) and some of its contestants are chosen to
maximize ratings, diversity and drama…regardless of their talent or
lack thereof.
Are we sure this is a satire? It
sounds like a normal reality show to me. =p Then again, I am no
fan of the reality show genre, so to be fair, take my rating for what
it’s worth. Maybe you have to be a fan of the reality show genre in
order to appreciate this satire of it.
As for me, I couldn’t enjoy it less.
Or maybe I could, but not much less. Mandy Moore (who plays one of the
top contestants) is not a convincing actress to me. Sure, she can
sing, but the movie focuses on a reality show and therefore its
contestants aren’t supposed to be professional at that. In addition,
the intended comedy was pretty much all played out in the commercials
or previews seen prior to paying to watch this.
If you’re not a reality show fan, this
is probably not "your movie." |
|
American Pie |
3.5
Licks |
| |
1999 |
Rated R |
Jason Biggs, Mena Suvari, Alyson
Hannigan, Tara Reid, Chris Klein, Shannon Elizabeth, Seann William
Scott, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Natasha Lyonne, Eugene
Levy, Jennifer Coolidge. |
| |
Four guys dead-set on losing their
virginity by senior prom night...an obvious must see! This movie is so
entertaining that it keeps you laughing even when you think you can
laugh no more. With as contagious as that laughter is, it has caused
more than a few belly-aches, so don't be surprised if you find
yourself experiencing one! You will find a little of yourself in
each character in this movie, no matter who you are or which sex you
are. If you're lucky, though, you'll be less Jim Levenstein
(played by Jason Biggs) and more everyone else. However, if you have
to be Jim, just hope your dad is or was as understanding as
his!
My husband insists that I mention the hot women in the movie. (I
think he was having a Jim Levenstein moment when he said that.)
So, for all you men, yes, there are some hot chicks in the movie,
including a hot foreign girl with a sexy accent (played by Shannon
Elizabeth). Oh, and don't forget about the "MILF"!
P.S. Watch out for fresh, warm pies......They're not as innocent as
they look, and neither are the nerdy band camp girls! |
|
American Pie 2 |
2 Licks |
| |
2001 |
Rated R |
Jason Biggs, Mena Suvari, Alyson
Hannigan, Tara Reid, Chris Klein, Shannon Elizabeth, Seann William
Scott, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Natasha Lyonne, Eugene
Levy, Jennifer Coolidge, Casey Affleck. |
| |
This is a good follow-up to American
Pie, though not as original nor quite as funny. You'll still laugh
quite a bit, but the humor and jokes are much the same as in the first
movie. This is also much the same storyline as the first, so you may
find it wears on you a bit this time around. In this sequel, the
guys have all made it through a year of college and are reuniting for
a summer of partying, fun and friendship. And quite a summer it is!
Once again, Levenstein has his moments, and as before, his dad
(played by Eugene Levy) handles them much better than yours probably
handled anything you did at any age.
Just remember, no matter how hard it is, please try to keep the
super-glue out of your toy box. You might thank me for this later. |
|
American Wedding
(2nd sequel to American Pie) |
3 Licks |
| |
2003 |
Rated R |
Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann
William Scott, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Eugene Levy,
Fred Willard, Jennifer Coolidge. |
| |
Buttless chaps. French
maid. Whip. Blindfold. Bachelor party. If
the above isn't enough to get you to watch this movie, you should
probably check your temperature. You might be sick. However, if you
need more convincing, you'll be happy to note that a change in the
storyline makes this 2nd sequel better than the previous one. The guys
are growing up...or at least some of them are. As the title indicates,
there's going to be a wedding.
The opening scene begins at a restaurant, where Michelle
Flaherty (Alyson Hannigan) and Jim Levenstein (Jason Biggs)
become engaged. This scene alone makes the whole movie worth
seeing...trust me! Once you've seen it, you can just imagine these two
characters in the future trying to respond when asked of the details
around their engagement story. Their story likely makes most others
tame in comparison.
The only downfall in this sequel is Stiffler. You'll
probably find him a bit annoying in this movie, with his overdone
attitude and penchant for cussing nearly every other word for awhile.
However, at some point, Finch and Stiffler do a
character swap in personality, and that was great writing! Now, to the
reason for their personality swap? All misguided attempts to impress a
hot chick, of course! So, yes, there are still plenty of hot chicks
for you in this sequel. (I already mentioned the French maid,
remember?!) |
|
Big Bounce, The |
0.5
Licks |
|
|
2004 |
Rated PG-13 |
Owen Wilson, Charlie
Sheen, Morgan Freeman, Gary Sinise, Sara Foster. |
|
|
With the diverse personalities cast in
this film, it had a good chance to be an entertaining and unique film.
However, those personalities and acting quirks were never fully
utilized or capitalized in this film.
The story wasn’t as fun as it could’ve
been. The lines weren’t as entertaining as they should’ve been.
Then, there’s the casting of the
female lead…a role that went to former model Sara Foster. Had they
chosen a real actress, this movie would’ve had a fighting chance to be
worth something. However, Foster as the female lead sunk this movie.
She lacked believability, depth, genuine understanding of personality,
character and chemistry with Owen Wilson.
Other than the sex, it’s hard to see
why Wilson’s character would want to have any sort of relationship or
antics with her. Even the sex was a questionable reason as it seemed
rather cold, empty shell-ish and completely contrived. A blow-up doll
would’ve been warmer, more animated and probably more desirable in her
talents. |
|
Big Lebowski, The
Writers: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen. Director: Joel
Coen. |
4 Licks |
| |
1998 |
Rated R |
Jeff
Bridges, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Julianne Moore, Philip Seymour
Hoffman, Tara Reid, John Turturro, Flea. |
| |
This is
one of those movies you end up quoting with your friends for years to
come! You will love this movie if you're a fan of quirky, oddball
films with many uproarious plot twists, especially if you're a Coen
brothers fan!
Kudos to the casting direction of
this film. Each role was superbly cast and well acted. Before seeing
this movie, I hadn't thought of Jeff Bridges as "the dude"...but
his character defined the term as none before, and he really is "the
dude" to be...Jeffrey The Dude Lebowski - NOT to be
mistaken with the Jeffrey Lebowski, supporter and savior
of the "Little Lebowski Urban Achievers," "youth of promise."
If I had a "myspace" site, Steve Buscemi would be listed as
one of my heroes. You just have to love the supporting-role characters
he plays! He may not be the suave, handsome, romantic leading man type,
but unlike many a cocky, arrogant overpaid and under-acting
blockbuster lead...he has never disappointed yet. His performances are
always solid and characters generally offbeat but easily likeable,
even when he's one of the bad guys.
In this movie, Buscemi plays the none-too-sharp Donny,
who is as usual, an enjoyable character to have around...even if
someone tells him to shut up a few hundred times or so.
Get out your bowling ball, if you have one. When this movie is
done, you just may feel like bowling a few frames...even if, like
Donny...you're out of your league (...your bowling league,
that is)! =p |
|
Brady Bunch Movie, The |
3.25 Licks |
| |
1995 |
Rated PG-13 |
Shelley Long, Gary
Cole, Michael McKean, Jean Smart, Christine Taylor, with cameos by
some original series cast members. |
| |
Did you or your
kids grow up watching the Brady's? Did you want your kids or grandkids
to experience a show where everything neatly tied together by the end
of each episode? If so, this is a must-see!
Shelley Long makes a great Carol
Brady, and Gary Cole is an equally perfect Mike Brady. Most of those
cast in the roles of the Brady children also look and/or sound
remarkably authentic. This movie "tribute" of the show may take the
Brady's into the 1990's, but they're still obviously stuck in the
"groovy" 1970's and it makes this a fun movie to watch without the need for
serious thought or concentration.
Youngsters will enjoy this show,
but so will you adults, as the innuendos fly forth in abundance,
especially between Sam (the Butcher) and housekeeper Alice.
Sam knows
his meat...and so does Alice!
On the
downside, if your name is Jan, you probably won't like this movie.
"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Why's it always Marcia?!" Don't worry
Jan, just like the show, Marcia still took a ball to the
nose in the movie. At least they didn't make you her stunt double! |
|
Break-Up, The |
3 Licks |
| |
2006 |
Rated PG-13 |
Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Judy
Davis, Vincent D'Onofrio, Ann-Margret, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau,
Joey Lauren Adams. |
| |
Vince Vaughn was
perfectly cast for his role as a down-to-earth, typical "guy." He is
easily relatable to any man as he's no "pretty boy" prima donna actor,
but carries a more "average Joe" demeanor that somehow works for him.
He's not your hot, handsome leading man type, but what he lacks in
hotness, he makes up for in a personality that is oddly charming.
Jennifer Aniston's prior experience
in roles much like the one she plays here, clearly helped her nail
this role. And incidentally, not only can Ross say they were "on a
break," but now...so can Vaughn!
Great relationship movie! You can
watch this and relate to having been in some of those same situations
and/or arguments, only in watching this...maybe you'll see why it's
important to say what you mean instead of leaving it up for
interpretation. Remember, women are complicated, and most men can't
afford interpreters to read our minds.
Women, if you
want your date, male friend or significant other to see this movie,
simply remind him that he'll get to see Jennifer Aniston's cute butt.
And if he's not too busy drooling in anticipation, he may just learn
something from the movie. (Just don't tell him that part or he'll
never watch the movie.) |
|
Bruce Almighty |
3.25 Licks |
| |
2003 |
Rated PG-13 |
Jim Carrey, Jennifer
Aniston, Morgan Freeman, Catherine Bell, Nora Dunn, Steve Carell. |
| |
Jim Carrey playing God?! I'm sure that's
someone's version of a nightmare, but in the movie, it's more of a
dream, especially for you men out there. In the fictional realm, who
could have more fun or be more outrageous a God than Jim Carrey?!
Before the story ends, he may learn some lessons and find out it's not
easy being God, but the learning curve (or artificially
enhancing Aniston's learning curves) has its delights, uses and
pleasures, as well as makes for some interesting experiments and
diversions.
Carrey may have even taught an old dog new tricks...and, no, I'm
not referring to Aniston when I say that. Although, I'm sure she has a
few of you woofing and drooling, especially as her boobs miraculously
grow overnight, as if ch-ch-ch-Chia-boobs. Hmm, now if only
she'd been playing God, I wonder what she'd have made bigger?! *whistles
innocently* |
|
Bull Durham |
4 Licks |
| |
1988 |
Rated R |
Kevin
Costner, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins. |
| |
Hilarious movie with a healthy dose of
sports, laughs and even romance! Kevin Costner in a romantic comedy
baseball movie?! If that were a genre, Costner would clearly "own" it,
with as many movies as he's done that combine romance, comedy and
baseball. Bull Durham's success was a definite precursor to
the number of other baseball comedies that have been made in its wake,
and yet, this one still reigns supreme. Bull Durham made
baseball "sexy."
Don't believe me? Then, watch it, and be sure to pay special
attention to Crash Davis's (Costner) "I believe..."
speech to Annie (played by Susan Sarandon). You'll be as
breathless as Annie, thinking, "...oh, my!" (After that
scene, maybe 4 Licks isn't enough......) |
|
Clerks
Writer/Director: Kevin
Smith |
2
Licks |
|
|
1994 |
Rated R |
Brian O’Halloran, Jeff
Anderson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith. |
|
|
A convenience store clerk gets called
into work on his day off. His day goes from bad to worse between
things going wrong, personal problems, customers and their own issues
and tales, etc., etc.....not to mention, it isn’t looking like he’s
going to make that hockey game he’s supposed to play later in the day.
This black and white film has a good
documentary type feel to it as you listen in on one convenience store
clerk’s day. The acting, however, is completely unimpressive.
If you’re a convenience store clerk or
enjoy watching, stalking, bugging or dating small-town loser clerks,
you shouldn’t miss this movie. Not all convenience and video store
clerks are losers, of course, but the two showcased in this film
certainly fit the stereotype. |
|
Click |
2
Licks |
| |
2006 |
Rated PG-13 |
Adam Sandler, Kate
Beckinsale, Christopher Walken, Henry Winkler, Julie Kavner, Sean
Astin, David Hasselhoff. |
| |
A remote control for use in our everyday
lives? Rewind to relive special moments? Fast forward to
skip through fights, boring parts and the sadness or ugliness we'd
rather miss? Pause, so you can wreak havoc once in awhile? Sign
us all up! After all, haven't we all thought about how nice that would
be on occasion? Know someone who tells long, boring stories with no
real point to them? Not a problem with that new remote control that
only someone like Christopher Walken could give you! Click. I
just skipped the boring parts. Click.
It's a great concept for an Adam Sandler comedy, however, this
movie tries to send a serious message and turns the comedy into too
much drama - and drama isn't necessarily Sandler's forte. The message
of how one should enjoy and "live" every moment, even the ones that
hurt or that we'd rather not recall, is beaten "home" a little too
hard. (My dad had more tact and diplomacy even in the harshest of his
lectures to an errant teen.)
As the comedy turns more and more serious in its moral message, you
almost feel as if you have Ray Barone's wife (from Everybody
Loves Raymond) harping at you, at the same time as you have
Rocky pummeling you, "The Rock" crushing you and Fran Drescher
whining directly in your ear while some god-awful song keeps playing
that makes you want to bang your head on the wall repeatedly until you
find the "bliss" of unconsciousness.
On a better note, the costume and makeup crew do a tremendous job
with "aging" most of the characters throughout the story. Most have an
authenticity to their wrinkles, weight and costuming...and that has
nothing to do with their real ages or genetics*.
However, with Sandler, it's as if they have "kid gloves" on. They seem
to have forgotten that if you're going to make a character extremely
obese...to be believable, you can't forget the importance of applying
that same eye-for-detail and attentiveness when focusing on the facial
features. Not even Sean Connery's face could've been so unaffected by
such obesity as Sandler's is in this movie.
*Earnote:
Somehow, Hollywood always seems to age better in real life than the
average person, but many are certainly paid well enough to manage it -
one way or another - of course. Poor 'Mother Nature' is no match for
botox, face lifts, tummy tucks, hair coloring, liposuction, plastic
surgery, permanent makeup...... |
|
Devil
Wears Prada, The |
1 Lick |
| |
2006 |
Rated PG-13 |
Meryl Streep, Anne
Hathaway, Stanley Tucci, Emly Blunt, Adrian Grenier. |
| |
You don't need to see the movie to know
the devil probably does wear spiked heels, though I'm not sure if
they're "Prada" or something a little more affordable. I haven't
shopped in hell yet, although the stores around the holidays may
resemble the experience. As for the movie, Meryl Streep is the only
reason to bother watching any part of it. If not for Streep, this
movie wouldn't even get 1 Lick. Streep's performance as the
bitchy, demanding fashion editor is perfect. She's the kind of boss we
all love to hate, and yet love to watch make others squirm.
As for the "fashion disappointment" found in the bright-eyed second
assistant Streep's character hires, I find Anne Hathaway as
disappointing as her coworkers find her fashions. I have yet to see
the appeal the casting directors apparently do in any of Anne
Hathaway's acting.
I don't think the devil is into "Prada" at all, but I do think the
devil made someone make this movie just to torture the fashion
industry...and the people on planes who get stuck watching it! |
|
Dogma |
4.5
Licks |
| |
1999 |
Rated R |
Ben Affleck, Matt
Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Chris Rock, Blair Brown, Alanis
Morissette, Janeane Garofalo, Kevin Smith, Jason Lee, George Carlin,
Alan Rickman, Jason Mewes. |
| |
With as unique a "never been told before"
story this is, I had to start this movie out with at least 3 licks for
that alone! Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, though not normally
categorized as good actors, do a good job in their roles as
Bartleby and Loki. Add in Jay and Silent Bob,
a trio of hockey-stick-wielding demons, George Carlin as a religious Cardinal, Alanis Morissette as God...and you're not only scratching your
head wondering where they came up with this stuff, but you're enjoying
it immensely, hoping it never ends!
Mix it all together, rim it with salt and you've got not only a
great margarita, but a good story with a little salt, a handful of
tortilla chips and plenty of salsa! And if you don't have that, maybe
you should! George Carlin...a religious Cardinal?! Alanis Morissette...God?!
Clearly, they were as inebriated as I wish I was right now when they
wrote and cast this film, but you wouldn't have it any other way! It
really does work for Dogma, or I wouldn't have given it 4.5
Licks. This one's worth buying so you can watch it again and
again! |
|
Drop Dead Gorgeous |
4.5 Licks |
| |
1999 |
Rated PG-13 |
Kirsten Dunst,
Kirstie Alley, Denise Richards, Ellen Barkin, Allison Janney, Brittany
Murphy, Will Sasso, Mo Gaffney, Nora Dunn. |
| |
Finally, a movie poking fun at an industry
that's been begging for it...the teen pageantry industry. Set in a
small fictional town in Minnesota, this movie is hilarious!
If
you've ever watched those small town teen princesses or even the "Mrs."
state pageantry events, you'll love this movie! And if you've ever
been crowned one or the other, you probably know just exactly how much
material they had to poke fun of...more material than sequins
on evening wear!
As outrageous as the movie may be, you'll probably find it's not
that far off the mark...even with its silly hats and costumes
promoting or honoring certain landmarks or figures, such as the home of the
world's largest ball of twine, Lady Liberty keeping her torch
lit, etc.
Nothing is sacred or taboo. Trailer trash, prima donnas, ditzy
blondes, the stuck-up snob who thinks she's all that (along with the
in-control mother itching to prove it)......
And to think, I didn't even
mention the talent show yet or the retiring teen princess whose
Barbie doll probably weighs more than she does! This movie will
blow you away, unless you're a princess...in which case, you'll
probably just blow chunks. *gasp* |
|
Evan Almighty
(follow up/sequel to
Bruce Almighty) |
3
Licks |
|
|
2007 |
Rated PG |
Steve Carell, Morgan
Freeman, Lauren Graham, Wanda Sykes, John Goodman. |
|
|
In modern day times, God warns Evan
(Carell) of an upcoming flood and wants him – like Noah in biblical
times – to build an ark. Naturally, Evan suspects stress has
him losing his own mind well before he ever believes God has really
called upon him for some monumental task or worthy purpose. A flood
where he lives? Impossible! Isn’t it?
Evan Almighty is a good story with a fast-pace feel to it. If you need a bathroom
break during the movie, you’ll miss something. Thus, if you can’t
pause the movie or your biological functions…go before the movie
starts and limit your intake of liquid refreshment…or simply wear a
diaper (but just don’t tell anyone)!
With Carell and Sykes, there are a lot
of funny moments in this movie. Carell is even better as Evan
the second time around (having also played Evan in Bruce
Almighty), and the character played by Sykes is a scene-stealer
with all the zingers she has for lines.
Though Bruce Almighty has a
slight edge on humorous moments, Evan Almighty is still a great
comedy to watch! Plus, you may learn a few things about ark building,
just in case you ever need to know… |
|
Godfather of
Green
Bay, The |
2.5*
Licks |
|
|
2005 |
Rated R |
Pete Schwaba, Lauren
Holly, Tony Goldwyn, Lance Barber, Thomas Lennon. |
|
|
The Godfather of Green Bay
proves that the mullet is still alive and well…and living in some
parts of rural Wisconsin on men still stuck on their glory days
of high school. The mullet, however, is not the focus of the movie,
nor is it on its way back “in.” (We hope.)
The movie focuses on a stand-up
comedian named Joe (played by Pete Schwaba) who’s blown every
single chance for notice, fame and celebrity in his umpteen-year
career. Still believing in his friend, a fellow comedian convinces
Joe to road-trip to small-town Wisconsin with him, where a
powerful industry scout returns every year for Rocktoberfest /
Octoberfest. With a rocky start, things aren’t looking good for Joe,
but there’s still a chance he could get his big break yet…get the girl
and live to tell about all of it.
However, the locals aren’t so amused,
especially Big Jake (aka “The Godfather of Green Bay”), who
feels Joe stole his girlfriend. If you’re from Wisconsin or
elsewhere in the Midwest, see the movie. You’ll probably feel picked on, but it’s all in good
fun. The Midwestern accent in the movie is entertaining, although
Wisconsinites will likely claim they not only have no accent
but that the one given them here is more of a Minnesotan accent…ala
the movie Fargo. Minnesotans will try to deny this. Don't
believe them.
Enjoyable comedy filled with
small-town personas and habitats, as well as a love of football and
staunch football-related rivalries. Green Bay rules! Bears suck! (And
so do the Vikings, though the movie’s residents are more concerned
about Bear-bashing.) Also included for your entertainment is the
glory-days-living godfather doing the Macarena, thinking no
woman can resist him after seeing him dance that.
(Note to godfather:
You should’ve done a polka instead! The date would probably still
laugh, but hey…you could blame it on the beer. Or she could.)
*Earnote:
The Godfather of Green Bay is a good comedy, but the lick rating is
variable. We’ll start with an average of 2.5 Licks and go
from there. If you’re from Wisconsin or are a Green Bay Packer fan,
it’s at least one lick higher than average. If you’re from Illinois,
take away one lick. If you’ve lived in Wisconsin but moved away and
have been picked on for your accent (even though you still claim you
don’t have one), add a lick. If you have friends from Wisconsin and/or
enjoy poking fun at the alleged non-accent accent, add a lick. If you
have no idea what or where a “Wisconsin” is or you don’t get the
Wisconsin humor, minus two licks and immediately go “google”
Wisconsin, Green Bay and the Packers!
If you’re a
Chicago Bears fan, take away 2 licks, go to confession and accept the
Green Bay Packers as your lords and saviors. If you’re a Vikings fan,
remove no licks, but still…go to confession and accept the Green Bay
Packers as your lords and saviors. (Win or lose, they’re always still
lords and saviors!) If you don’t watch or enjoy football, stay out of
Wisconsin. It’s sacrilege not to enjoy football when you’re in
Packer country! And finally, when it's football season, root for
the Packers. Always. |
|
Groundhog Day |
3 Licks |
| |
1993 |
Rated PG |
Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, Chris
Elliott. |
| |
Best acting
honors should go to the groundhog who portrayed Punxatawney Phil, for
tirelessly forecasting the weather...take after take after take! His
stylist did wonders on his hair. Never was one hair out of place!
Bill Murray as the tortured soul
who had to relive the same day over and over again until he did it
right was great in this role. This is exactly how they should've made
the movie Scrooged. And it may also make you wish you could
relive just one pivotal day in your own life until you had done
everything you wished you could've, knowing you'd only wake up to that
same day the next day...with no lasting repercussions.
Incidentally,
if I had to wake up every morning to "I Got You Babe," sung by
Sonny and Cher, I would've chopped off my own ears on Day Two.
Listening to that song every morning wouldn't feel like an ear-lick,
but like a weak, old Mike Tyson latching his toothless gums onto your
ear, too weak to bite it off completely, but too determined to give it
up until your ear is half-gnawed and tenderized like a juicy,
undercooked steak. |
|
I Love Trouble |
0 Licks |
| |
1994 |
Rated PG |
Julia Roberts, Nick Nolte, Kelly
Rutherford, Olympia Dukakis, Eugene Levy, Robert Loggia, Marsha Mason,
Nora Dunn. |
| |
The only thing they got right in this
movie was the title. I Love Trouble. You love trouble. We all
love trouble...at least now and then. I can't say the same for the
movie. I couldn't love it even if you coated it with the finest chocolate and
topped it with real whipped cream. I don't love it or like it, and I
certainly wouldn't lick it. Well, maybe I'd lick the whipped cream,
but not the movie. Pairing up Julia Roberts with Nick Nolte and
expecting sparks, chemistry and some odd romance that we'd all fall
for...how stupid did the movie execs really think we were?!
If you really love trouble and want to keep it that
way, go get in some and spend some money towards bailing
yourself out of jail, rather than wasting it on this movie. |
|
I Think I Love My Wife |
0
Licks |
|
|
2007 |
Rated R |
Chris Rock, Kerry
Washington, Gina Torres, Steve Buscemi. |
|
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A man’s marriage is less than perfect
though, at first glance, he may seem to have a good home and family
life in middle class America. With his marriage currently lacking sex,
he fantasizes…and then bam! A hot, single female from his past
shows up, tempting him as he wonders “what if…”
I think I didn’t love this
movie. I think I didn’t find it funny. I think I didn’t
love or even care at all for the husband, the wife nor the temptress.
I think I would’ve loved skipping this movie!
This tale fails in so many
ways…especially when it dares in any way to aspire to even think
it’s a romantic comedy, unless somehow, the term as we know it has
been wrong all these years! |
|
Just Visiting |
1
Lick |
|
|
2001 |
Rated PG-13 |
Jean Reno, Christina
Applegate, Matt Ross, Christian Clavier, Malcolm McDowell, Tara Reid. |
|
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A French nobleman and his servant from
long, long ago are transported into modern day Chicago when a wizard’s
spell goes wrong. They end up meeting one of the nobleman’s
descendents (played by Applegate) and she takes them in, mistaking the
nobleman for a cousin she thought had passed away. Thus she attributes
his strange behavior and attire to amnesia or some other trauma he may
have sustained. In amidst the new experiences, the nobleman keeps
searching for a wizard to get back to his time so he can keep a
tragedy from happening…which is what he was attempting to do when the
wizard’s spell somehow sent him to present day Chicago instead.
The idea of time travel can be a hard
sell, especially when the main focus of the movie seems to be the
differences in time, as well as the reactions to new experiences or
items completely unlike anything the time travelers had known before.
Just Visiting did not complete the sale. Though there were funny moments throughout
the movie, much of that humor seemed to be cheap, corny and sophomoric
humor. It’s the kind of humor you generally need to be in the mood for
in order to enjoy it.
The story was bland. The jokes were
stale and cheap. If you’re looking for a time traveling story, there
are definitely better and funnier ones out there. (Try the Back to
the Future trilogy, for instance.) |
|
Liar, Liar |
2.5 Licks |
| |
1997 |
Rated PG-13 |
Jim Carrey,
Jennifer Tilly, Maura Tierney, Amanda Donohoe, Swoosie Kurtz, Carey
Elwes. |
| |
Not an awesome
movie, but a "good enough" comedy to while away about 85 minutes of your
time on a Sunday afternoon or a Monday morning home "sick" from work.
This is one of
Jim Carrey's more tame, mainstream roles. At
Lick's Picks, he's generally
preferred in more
outrageous roles. Carrey's ability to contort his face to a range of oddball
expressions is one of his key acting skills. We bet if he wants to go
home sick from the movie set, he can really fool them. We should all
take lessons from him! |
|
Longest Yard, The |
2 Licks |
| |
2005 |
Rated PG-13 |
Adam
Sandler, Chris Rock, Michael Irvin, Burt Reynolds, Nelly. |
| |
No doubt that Adam Sandler movies are
funny, even when they're remakes, such as this one. However, this
one's not quite on the "A-List" as far as Sandler's movie roles go.
It's "good enough," but not sure there's anything so extraordinary
here that made this a movie begging or needing to be
redone...unless, of course, you're a huge Burt Reynolds fan and you
want to see him play the "old guy" coach, instead of the young,
hotshot former pro quarterback, which is the part he'd done in the 1974
version of this movie.
He may be playing the old guy now, but for an old guy, Burt's
aged well. I wonder what type of wine barrel he ripens in each night.
Is it a fine French oak barrel with hints of berry, vanilla and a
light touch of herbs? Or is it more of a chestnut barrel with a robust
flavoring and hints of spice? |
|
Look Who's Talking
|
2.5 Licks |
| |
1989 |
Rated PG-13 |
Kirstie Alley, John Travolta, (voice)
Bruce Willis, Olympia Dukakis, George Segal, Abe Vigoda. |
| |
There is some humor in this movie, and
most of it is in the talking baby's lines. Bruce Willis does an
excellent job as "Baby Mikey." You almost wonder if he
researched the role by sitting in high chairs, sucking his thumb,
wearing diapers and making poo-poo faces behind Demi Moore's back.
The story was "cute," but primarily in a 7-year-old's view on the
cuteness radar.
Kirstie Alley and John Travolta were forgettable and uninspiring,
easily out-acted by the babies physically playing Mikey and the voice
of Bruce Willis capturing the essence of the baby's thoughts. |
|
Look Who's Talking Now
(second sequel to
Look Who's Talking) |
0 Licks |
| |
1993 |
Rated PG-13 |
Kirstie Alley, John Travolta, Olympia
Dukakis, George Segal, (voice) Danny DeVito, (voice) Diane Keaton. |
| |
First there was talking baby Mikey, and
then he gets a little sister, Julie, who also talks. But in the 2nd
sequel to "Look Who's Talking," everything has completely gone
to the dogs, both literally and figuratively.
Were Danny DeVito and
Diane Keaton actually that desperate for "scraps" (or
scripts) that they agreed to
play dead, er, to voice the dogs in this uninspiring sequel?
This movie would've been better caged inside a kennel, hidden under a
pile of poo at the dog pound
rather than on film. |
|
Look Who's Talking Too
(first sequel to
Look Who's Talking) |
1 Lick |
| |
1990 |
Rated PG-13 |
Kirstie Alley, John Travolta, Olympia
Dukakis, Gilbert Gottfried. Voices of: Bruce
Willis, Roseanne Barr, Damon Wayans, Mel Brooks. |
| |
It was funny and cute the first time
around, but there's nothing real new or special the 2nd time around.
Sure, there's the addition of a baby sister for Mikey, and yes, you
get to hear her thoughts, too --- but Mikey did it first!
Roseanne Barr as the voice of the baby?! Well, "waaaah" to that!
Then again, she certainly does have a whiney enough voice and tone to
play a baby. She even gave me colic, and I'm decades away from
infancy! |
|
Mallrats
Writer/Director: Kevin Smith |
1.5
Licks |
|
|
1995 |
Rated R |
Shannen Doherty, Jeremy
London, Jason Lee, Claire Forlani, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Mewes,
Kevin Smith, Ben Affleck. |
|
|
If you’re a Kevin Smith fan, you will
likely like Mallrats more than I did, though many fans will
admit it’s still not one of his better films.
In Mallrats, two geekish teen
boys are dumped by their girlfriends so they decide to hang out at the
local mall all day. Naturally, Jay and Silent Bob are
there as well, in addition to others they know. The dumped boys decide
to try to win back their girlfriends somehow…with the help of Jay
and Silent Bob. A plan like that can’t possibly go wrong, can
it?!
There are some entertaining moments in
Mallrats, but all in all…I’d have rather spent my time – and
money – at a mall! |
|
Mamma Mia! The Movie |
4.5
Licks |
|
|
2008 |
Rated PG-13 |
Amanda Seyfried, Meryl
Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Christine Baranski, Colin Firth, Stellan
Skarsgard, Julie Walters, Dominic Cooper. |
|
|
Mamma Mia! The Movie
is a great comedic musical, featuring
songs by ABBA. If you’re an ABBA fan, this is a “must-see” that won’t
let you down!
Sophie
(played by Amanda Seyfried) is about to get married, but really wants
her father to give her away. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know who that
is…so, unbeknownst to her mother (played by Meryl Streep), she invites
the 3 men it “might” be to the island for the wedding. If that’s not
asking for trouble and chaos, what is?!
This movie is perfectly cast and
wonderfully carried out! The acting is great, as are the score/music,
setting and storyline! ABBA fans --- you’re absolutely gonna love it!
On the downside, you may notice the
lip movements don’t always match up with the singing, so try not to
look too closely. We wouldn’t want this small oversight to ruin the
joy of an otherwise great movie!
Though Meryl Streep may not typically
be adored by movie-goers everywhere, she’s certainly adored by me, and
not just for her work here! She’s got talent, personality, a mind of
her own…and she knows how to use them all! Maybe it’s not so much that
she isn’t liked, but that she’s envied for being what many others
these days simply feel they can’t.
As for Amanda Seyfried, it’s time she
made more movies and got out of that HBO Show called Big Love
(even though I happen to love that show as well). In other words, she
is a treat to watch in this comedic musical.
Now, as for the men in this film, it’s
clear neither Pierce Brosnan nor any of the other men were hired for
their singing abilities. But alas, this movie was for the women to
shine, so this fact does not deter from one’s enjoyment of the
film…but rather makes you applaud the men for their bravery in singing
anyway. Of course, their bravest moment comes at the very end, but
I’ll let you discover that for yourselves! |
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