Lick Ratings Scale

 

Abyss, The				4 Licks
	1989	Rated PG-13	Ed Harris, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Michael Biehn, Chris Elliott.
	This movie really makes you wonder exactly what is yet in the ocean depths awaiting discovery. I can't help but think sometimes it seems we know more about space than we do about the depths of our own planet's landmasses and oceans. Combine the unknown with some neurotic characters, and you've got a great sci-fi filled with a mix of neuroses, adrenaline, panic and excitement of discovery! After seeing this movie, I am convinced I would never wish to be on a reality show stuck aboard a deep underwater vessel with Chris Elliott. His character "defines" neurotic to a "c"...all the way from the "n" at the beginning. =p

 

Aeon Flux				2 Licks
	2005	Rated PG-13	Charlize Theron, Jonny Lee Miller, Frances McDormand, Marton Csokas, Pete Postlethwaite.
	Based on MTV’s animated Aeon Flux series, this movie feels a bit lackluster. Some of the filming was good and the visual effects were pretty cool, but that about covers the good things about this movie…unless Charlize Theron is eye-candy to you. If that’s the case, then you may want to watch this just to see her in form fitting spandex.   Theron’s acting, however, is more suited to drama than action sci-fi, even if the superhero-esque spandex fits. =p   In a society rigidly ruled and masked in "perfection," there are secrets, lies and hidden truths to discover. Aeon is a rebel on a mission who gets caught in the middle once she learns all is not what she knows or has been told. Will she complete her mission? Will she save the society she knows? And can she really do any or all of that in nothing more than spandex?! Of course, she can! But if you don’t believe me, maybe you should watch the movie and find out.

 

Contact				2 Licks
	1997	Rated PG	Jodie Foster, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Skerritt, Jena Malone, James Woods, Angela Bassett, David Morse.
	The storyline was enjoyable, however, casting for the lead roles could have been better. Neither Jodie Foster nor Matthew McConaughey are impressive in their roles. In fact, there is more workable chemistry between a rat and the snake that eats it, than there is between Foster and McConaughey in Contact. On the other hand, the supporting actors/characters - especially Tom Skerritt - did a fine job, but the lead roles are what keep this from being more than a 2 Lick rating. As usual, McConaughey can smile his way into many a lady's heart, but seems to lack depth and connection to the character he portrays. In Contact, he's a pretty boy religious man, while Foster is an emotionally stilted astronomer who doesn't believe in things that can't be proven or explained by science. By the end of this movie, I found myself believing more in      Santa Claus,           the Tooth Fairy,                calorie-free, fat-free ice cream that tastes as delicious as the real thing and...                     men who truly understand women...... and less in the abilities of Foster and McConaughey. (E.T. is more likely to make "contact" and a "love connection" than those two!)

 

Dune     (1984)     Writer/Director: David Lynch.				2 Licks
	1984	Rated PG-13	Kyle MacLachlan, Max von Sydow, Jose Ferrer, Sting, Dean Stockwell, Virginia Madsen, Linda Hunt.
	At nearly 2 hours and 20 minutes, this movie is by far, way too long and the story tends to drag out...even though those who have read the book will note that the movie doesn't do the book justice. (For instance, the movie does not spend enough time on definition or emphasis of "spice," whereas the book gives you a much greater sense of its value and significance to those in the story.) If you haven't read the book, aren't into sci-fi or are an insomniac, you might fall asleep to the movie. If you're a female, there's an even greater chance this movie will cure your insomnia. That said, the costuming and set design are impressive. Dune has a very dark futuristic look that takes you to another world that is clearly not Star Trek. (Thank God! One womanizing Captain Kirk is enough! =p) However, if you're interested in Dune, you might want to stick to reading the book. Believe it or not, sometimes, it really is better to be literate than to have a couch, a TV, a DVD player or VCR and a movie.

 

Dune (aka Frank Herbert’s Dune) (2000)				3 Licks
	2000	Unrated	Alec Newman, William Hurt, Saskia Reeves, James Watson, P.H. Moriarty.
	This is a better version of the Dune book than the 1984 David Lynch version. This one holds more true to the novel. And more importantly…this Dune didn’t even put me to sleep once!   Combine that fact with an awesome story, and it can’t be ranked any lower than 3 licks! It could’ve gotten more, if only I were given control of "the spice"!   Nutmeg anyone? Cinammon? Paprika?

 

Equilibrium				4 Licks
	2002	Rated R	Christian Bale, Sean Bean, Taye Diggs, Emily Watson, Dominic Purcell, William Fichtner.
	Equilibrium has a slow start, but once you get past that first 15 minutes or so that fluctuate between boredom and interest, you’ll discover a great movie!   This is a “big brother” story with a definite feel or appeal reminiscent of The Matrix movie. If you enjoyed The Matrix, do not miss Equilibrium!   Though the acting caliber did not affect my review of this movie, the acting was neither great nor horrible…save for the child actors who performed notably well. If you’re not a fan of “big brother” scenarios or of dark, cold futuristic visions, then, the acting will become a factor. But then, if you’re not a fan of those, you probably shouldn’t be looking at sci-fi reviews anyway. =p

 

Fantastic Four				2.5 Licks
	2005	Rated PG-13	Jessica Alba, Ioan Gruffudd, Michael Chiklis, Chris Evans, Julian McMahon, Kerry Washington.
	Based on a comic book series, four astronauts are changed forever after an exposure to a large amount of cosmic rays. Each gains a unique super-heroic power and the “fantastic four” legacy begins. First, they must team up against the evil Doctor Doom whose powers involve the assimilation and manipulation of electrical energy.   Fantastic Four is filled with excellent visual effects, while the initial and subsequent discovery of power is enjoyable and fun to watch unfold. The acting, however, was sub-par, save for the scenes between Chiklis and Evans who seemed to have a more natural and easy character flow.

 

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (1st sequel to Fantastic Four)				3 Licks
	2007	Rated PG	Jessica Alba, Ioan Gruffudd, Michael Chiklis, Chris Evans, Laurence Fishburne (voice), Julian McMahon, Kerry Washington, Doug Jones.
	Now comfortable with their powers, the “fantastic four” are confident, capable and relatively carefree…at least for a few minutes until the Silver Surfer shows up, that is!   Even the actors are comfortable with those powers and characters, thus the acting is better in this follow-up sequel. Rise of the Silver Surfer is a solid story filled with excellent visual effects. Excellent visual effects! (They were so good it was worth mentioning twice!)   A fun concept that’s also part of this movie is a flipping back and forth of superhero abilities – transfers of powers – from one character to another. Now, if only we could get that to work in real life! But then again, we probably don’t know anyone with their kind of unique super-powers. (At least, not yet.) Give it another 250-500 years. Or centuries.

 

I Am Legend				4 Licks
	2007	Rated PG-13	Will Smith, Alice Braga, Salli Richardson, Willow Smith.
	After a superbug/virus infected the human populace three years ago , a lone virologist named Robert (played by Will Smith) may be the only uninfected human survivor in New York...or possibly even on the entire planet!   Knowing his blood is somehow immune, Robert tirelessly tries to come up with a vaccine to cure the disease, while avoiding the "Infected" who can only come out at night. (But when they’re out…they are vile, vicious and violent creatures exhibiting greater than human strength and determination Robert knows enough to avoid at all costs.) He knows they watch him, just as he is ever-watchful of them. Lonely, and alone…save for his dog...time has taken its toll, but Robert continues to try to reach out to other potential survivors while continuing his search for a cure.   I Am Legend does a great job of staging what the terrain and city might be like without man’s influence or upkeep. Plants or weeds grow up through crevices in the sidewalks, buildings appear more shabby and rundown, animals run wild in the city, abandoned cars in the streets fill with grime and dust, etc.   Also impressive is the fact that every scene where the "Infected"/monsters are introduced, there’s a deep sense of how one would feel were it real. The tension and fright are obvious. The quickening of one’s pulse and rush of adrenaline ever present as danger is imminent. Whether he's formulating a plan of attack, retaliation or making a quick assessment of escape options, you can feel Robert’s angst.   Will Smith is Legend. He performs well both as the virologist who refuses to give up…and from the more personal standpoint of being the lonely, weary survivor unsure anyone else is still out there somewhere…unaffected.

 

Lady in the Water     Writer/Director: M. Night Shyamalan				0.5 Licks
	2006	Rated PG-13	Paul Giamatti, Bryce Dallas Howard, Bob Balaban, Cindy Cheung.
	This "fantasy" is an M. Night film? If you want see one of his films, stick to The Sixth Sense. It's still his best work that I've seen as of December 2006. I completely missed the point to this movie even being a story that "needed" to be told or made. Oh, look...a Lady in the Water. How nice. Is she a mermaid? Does she sing? Do we care why she's even in our world and not her own? This movie failed to make me care about the Lady, the characters in the movie or even if there was a point to any of it...which I couldn't find. I wasn't attached to the fairytale nor to trying to unravel the mystery of who each person was in relation to the fairytale and how they were supposed to help the fish, er, woman, out of water return "home." Couldn't she just "phone home," like E.T.?! All Lady in the Water did was give me a great desire to drain the complex's pool. There, no more Lady in the Water! And I solved their problem in a matter of minutes!

 

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring     (1st of the LOTR trilogy)				5 Licks
	2001	Rated PG-13	Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Cate Blanchett, Orlando Bloom, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Christopher Lee, Ian Holm, John Rhys-Davies, Hugo Weaving, Liv Tyler.
	Ian McKellen, forget Magneto. If there was a Hall of Fame for actors hitting a role, Ian would surely be inducted for his role as Gandalf! There were many superbly acted roles in LOTR, and just to mention a few...Frodo (Elijah Wood)? Amazing! Samwise (Sean Astin)? Amazing! And that's in spite of the hairy feet they had to don for the roles! After all, hairy feet aren't normally a good thing, unless you're King Kong, Godzilla or some dude looking to make a world record for longest dreadlocks...on one's feet! Peter Jackson picked the perfect project to catapult his name into the sort of legendary superstardom that makes his a name we'll remember a long time to come! His passion for LOTR from youth on is evident in every element and detail. The Fellowship of the Ring is a great ensemble introduction and preview of events to follow in the two LOTR sequels. This movie is well-timed and smoothly flowing. Whether you've read the books or not, you'll love this movie!

 

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King     (3rd of the LOTR trilogy)				5 Licks
	2003	Rated PG-13	Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Cate Blanchett, Orlando Bloom, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Ian Holm, John Rhys-Davies, Hugo Weaving, Liv Tyler.
	The Return of the King carries the story forward as it mixes the best elements of the first two movies, making this the best of them all! It's one you'll love whether you preferred the drama and fellowship development of the first movie, or the primarily action-based Two Towers. These movies can only be compared to each other, as nothing else out there can quite match up to a timeless classic the likes of the LOTR legacy. With everything from a somewhat "hopeless" quest to romance to fierce friendships made to epic battles and even to inner battles faced alone...this movie has it all!

 

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers     (2nd of the LOTR trilogy)				5 Licks
	2002	Rated PG-13	Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Cate Blanchett, Orlando Bloom, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Christopher Lee, John Rhys-Davies, Hugo Weaving, Liv Tyler.
	This movie takes off where Fellowship of the Rings left off, the suspense of the quest continuing. The Two Towers focuses mainly on battles and battle scenes...army versus army, with an array of combatants and enemies afoot. Impressive battle scenes with a strong storyline, leading perfectly up to The Return of the King.

 

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones				-1 Lick
	2002	Rated PG	Ewan MacGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Lee.
	This movie practically single-handedly ruins the whole Star Wars franchise and empire. Yes, it really is that bad! Hayden Christensen does not a good Anakin make, and he has no chemistry whatsoever with Natalie Portman. Being that much of the episode is about the burgeoning romance between the two, the negative chemistry tanks this movie. Even diehard Star Wars fans have a hard time forgiving George Lucas for this script and casting. Someone should've sent Natalie Portman to Fight Club. Maybe if Tyler Durden had smacked her around a bit, she'd have learned some real acting skills and emotions. Or at least we'd find out if she can genuinely bleed, if not feel or act.

 

Waterworld				1 Lick
	1995	Rated PG-13	Kevin Costner, Dennis Hopper, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Jack Black.
	Major moviedom flop, and rightly so. With the world having been flooded, you can't help but wonder what idiot still thought smokers could find or somehow manufacture a supply of cigarettes in the first place...let alone, enough to make them the valuable traded commodity of a Waterworld. This movie should have sunk along with much of its dry landmasses. Earnote: I don't care how sterile or foolproof a process it may be, drinking my own pee --- distilled or not --- just isn't a concept I want to imagine, even in the movies. Don't you think with that much water in the movie, they'd have come up with a process of making some of that water drinkable first?!. At least, then, the majority of what you're dinking would be water, instead of 100% pure, refined pee! Eww!

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