Annapolis

0.5 Licks

2006

Rated PG-13

James Franco, Tyrese Gibson, Donnie Wahlberg, Jordana Brewster.

James Franco plays a poor guy who just gained entry to the U.S. Naval Academy. Being a guy from "the wrong side of the tracks," he carries a chip on his shoulder and an attitude to boot camp…er, to the U.S. Naval Academy. He’s so predominantly weak-willed that even his own father doesn’t think he’ll last in the academy for long!

You’ll be hoping his dad is right. (The movie would be over sooner that way!)

As a depiction of the Naval Academy, sources say it’s nowhere near accurate. However, those responsible for this movie do deserve some credit: at least the spelling of Annapolis is accurate! =p

Annapolis is similar enough to An Officer and a Gentleman that comparisons are inevitable. However, Annapolis is more like that unacknowledged, ugly step-son resulting from that incestuous affair your now dead spouse had had at age 12 with his or her half-sibling.

James Franco has a slight Tom Cruise-ish "pretty boy" type look that may get him roles, but I’ve seen cardboard with more depth and range than Franco seems to lend this character.

Babel

1.75 Licks

2006

Rated R

Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Mohamed Akhzam, Boubker Ait El Caid, Adriana Barraza.

Babel is a depressive movie you won't want to see more than once, if that. There is more tragedy and tragic happenstance in Babel than should be contained in even 2 or 3 movies!

Babel interweaves four stories, each tragic in some way...and some tragic on many levels. Most of the stories and characters aren't developed with enough detail to "flesh out" the characters; so as tragic as the tales are, it's still hard to feel a connection with the characters or think of them as "real" even in the remotest of ways.

This seems more like a movie made for shock therapy on how inhumane humanity really is at times. This movie's message doesn't just "hit home," it overtakes you like an incurable cancer, progressing swiftly until there is nothing left but the decomposing remains of what was once a warm, living, breathing being.

We get it, there is a lot of inhumanity in humanity...but do we really need that message to make us feel suicidally depressed by the end of the movie? Like there's no hope at all for us or others to learn to accept our differences, develop more compassion for others and to know...we're all still people with feelings, cares, concerns, problems, needs and longings...no matter our race, nationality, circumstance, challenge, situation or even our own individual "human" flaws?

The world can be a cold, uncaring place...but there is some small bit of hope peaking through even the darkest of days. Remember that, as this movie will likely make you forget that.

Braveheart

4 Licks

1995

Rated R

Mel Gibson, Catherine McCormack, Sophie Marceau, , Sean Lawlor, Brian Cox

Mel Gibson directed Braveheart, as well as played the part of William Wallace in the movie. The dual roles worked well for him, as this is his best movie ever. I’d even watch this if he hadn’t been showing off some leg in a kilt!

Anyone who knows the real story behind William Wallace, knows that he was a nobleman, not the common peasant that the movie makes him out to be. Despite that obvious difference, the story is well done and accurately enough captures what happened in history, at least to my knowledge – though history never was one of my best subjects.

Along with a captivating story, the battle scenes are amazing to watch! This is one movie you should definitely add to your collection. The only thing that could’ve made this better is if Mel Gibson and his men in the movie had been mooning me, instead of the English!

Da Vinci Code, The     Director: Ron Howard

1 Lick

2006

Rated PG-13

Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Jean Reno, Alfred Molina, Paul Bettany, Jurgen Prochnow.

Despite that you may know people who actually believe this garbage, even a number of Catholics out there have a hard time swallowing The Da Vinci Code.

In fact, some amateur lab experiments were performed with the following results:

• Dunking "the code" in milk didn't help.

• Blending it with crushed ice didn't work.

• Smothering it with chocolate syrup still wasn't enticing enough!

• Even alcohol didn't help, although the subjects reportedly asked for more alcohol. (Researchers think the subjects just wanted to get drunk at someone else's expense.)

In the end, the subjects ended up slightly inebriated, while the code remained unable to be swallowed. They are now testing it for use as a possible weight loss alternative.

Other than the initial curiosity, there was nothing about this movie or its story that held my interest. It failed to make a believer of me, but I'm still willing to try coating it with a nice chardonnay. Maybe I just haven't found the right vintage yet!

Departed, The     Director: Martin Scorsese

3.25 Licks

2006

Rated R

Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Martin Sheen, Mark Wahlberg, Alec Baldwin.

Two cops take different paths in the double lives they lead. One is an undercover agent (DiCaprio) – whose identity is known only by his direct bosses – assigned to infiltrate a mob run by crime boss Costello (Nicholson), while the other cop (Damon) secretly plays informer to the mob boss.

As the plot thickens and more characters are introduced and defined, you can only wonder…will the good guy go bad or the bad, good? Furthermore, what’s the body count going to be? After all, this is a mob movie and it is called The Departed!

Despite how I used to hate Leonardo DiCaprio’s acting, I will begrudgingly say he is improving, though I still won't say I like his acting all that much. (It's just categorized as mild to moderate dislike rather than hate. =p) I am still baffled as to why so many movie-makers choose to give him more practice and opportunity in the big roles versus opting for better eye candy with no more or less acting talents than Leo’s.

Matt Damon, as well, is not generally a great actor, but he did well in his role here as the dirty cop.

Although Nicholson did a decent job in the role of crime boss, De Niro would’ve been a better choice...as De Niro basically is the mob, no acting required. =p

However, all movie elements and acting combined, this Oscar award-winning film is well worth watching, and it's nice to see that director Martin Scorsese’s career finally gained some much overdue recognition and notice by “The Academy.”

Factotum

1.5 Licks

2005

Rated R

Matt Dillon, Lili Taylor, Marisa Tomei, Fisher Stevens.

A struggling writer, longing for success, takes dead-end jobs as he deals with and entertains some of life’s most dangerous distractions…including women, alcohol and the two combined!

It’s hard to care for Henry (Dillon) or whether success will ever find him. In fact, the longer you watch this movie, the more you’ll think he really should fail! There’s not just an “L” on his forehead, but also an O S E and even an R! (Take that Vanna White! Would you like to solve the puzzle now?!)

If you’re a long-suffering, struggling writer, you may enjoy this movie on some level, but don’t count on it even if you feel you can relate to it. Just get back to work on that great novel or short-story you might have in you! Success could be just around the corner……now, if you can just find the right corner, you could be doing better than Henry! (Maybe.)

Firewall

3.5 Licks

2006

Rated PG-13

Harrison Ford, Paul Bettany, Virginia Madsen.

Harrison Ford plays a man responsible for the security and firewall of a bank’s computerized system. He is forced to find a way into that system to steal money for kidnappers who are holding his family for ransom.

Firewall is a good crime story that’s all the better for having ultimate good-guy Ford as the leading actor. Your interest will be kept with plenty of surprises spread throughout the movie to keep you wondering what to expect next.

Earnote to burglars: If you’re looking for easy money, you should really try a few hundred thousand piggy banks first. Unlike a firewall, you probably won’t need an expert to crack those (open).

Flightplan

2 Licks

2005

Rated PG-13

Jodie Foster, Peter Sarsgaard, Greta Scacchi, Sean Bean.

First off, if you’re one to pick apart movies for every “wrong,” unlikely, improbable or impossible situation or scenario, skip this movie. There are a lot of plot issues to overlook in that arena. However, if you can get past those issues, this is a combination mystery-thriller-drama that will keep your interest.

Is Jodie Foster’s character Kyle crazy, or is she a concerned mom whose child really was onboard the plane with her, even though no one else remembers having seen her with a little girl? Will she find her little girl onboard, or is everyone else right that she’s crazy? Is there some sort of mysterious terrorist threat or conspiracy, endangering her daughter, or is her daughter even alive at all? And finally, can Kyle find the answers and save her daughter…when no one else believes anything she says or thinks?

The suspense is good, even if much of this scenario is less likely than flying pigs, talking horses and blonde rocket scientists!

Fountain, The

3 Licks

2006

Rated PG-13

Hugh Jackman, Rachel Weisz, Ellen Burstyn, Mark Margolis.

Three uniquely interwoven tales of an unending quest for immortality and eternal life, all centered around love and personal devotion. The tales are from the past, present and future, starring Jackman and Weisz in each of the stories.

The Fountain is cinematically and artistically beautiful, well-done and riveting in its own unique sense and style. Not all will enjoy the movie though, as it’s not what you’d expect from a mere summarized synopsis. This is not a romantic comedy. This is more of an artsy combination drama/sci-fi with a twist of rich but understated romance.

Though there is a great, undying love and underlying romance theme throughout The Fountain, it is more about the human search for immortality and never being satisfied with what we have for the time it is ours. Sometimes this quest causes us to lose precious time and moments with those we love. And if or when we find that answer we seek…that immortality, that tree of life or fountain of youth…will it be in time to save or glorify what our heart desires most, or will our success be met with a poignant sadness or self-deprecating grimace?

Enjoyable dramatic film enriched with poeticism and artistry. Of course, this film could be better, if only it made us all somehow immortal simply by watching the movie. *wink*

Freedomland

3 Licks

2006

Rated R

Samuel L. Jackson, Julianne Moore, Ron Eldard, Edie Falco.

Starring both Samuel L. Jackson and Julianne Moore, this movie couldn’t go wrong. I’ve always enjoyed Samuel L. Jackson’s performances, and he just keeps getting better, the more experienced and seasoned an actor he is. Along the same lines, Moore has proven how diverse she is by the wide array of characters and character types she’s played. This movie is another great example of the talents of both Jackson and Moore.

Moore plays the frenetically distraught mother of a little boy who disappears. Due to the circumstances surrounding the boy’s disappearance, racial tensions flare as accusations turn to a struggling African-American community. Jackson plays a detective caught between trying to protect the African-American community he knows so well…and finding the truth in what happened to the little boy.

This is one of those stories you will likely figure out the mystery well before the end of the film, however, that will not deter you from wanting to see the full story unfold. 

Friends with Money

0 Licks

2006

Rated R

Jennifer Aniston, Joan Cusack, Catherine Keener, Greg Germann, Frances McDormand, Jason Isaacs.

I’ve seen this listed as a comedy / drama / romance, but I fail to see any solid evidence of comedy or romance in this movie. The characters are stilted, disjointed, hard to care about and even harder to like.

Money or no money…people are flawed, people have issues and people are not always as they appear…even you and your own friends, as you probably well know! Every relationship has its issues…money or no money.

Don’t trade your friends for Friends with Money.  And don’t bother to see this movie, unless you have no friends and want to remember why you may prefer it that way! If the characters in this movie were my friends, they would be what I would give up for Lent and every day thereafter.

Friends with Money pushes its message too hard, showing too much flawed humanity and not enough of what would make any of the “friends” truly stand by each other, let alone even like each other in the first place.

With friends like these, who needs friends? Those 50 pounds you might gain after consuming a few too many gallons of ice cream or bags of chips, would be way more appealing than these Friends with Money.

Hotel Rwanda

4 Licks

2004

Rated PG-13

Don Cheadle, Desmond Dube, Nick Nolte, Sophie Okonedo, Joaquin Phoenix.

This real-life story, though greatly tragic and sad, is moving and inspirational. Have you ever thought “I’m just one person, what can I do?”  Well, if you watch this movie, you’ll learn that one person can do extraordinary things and can have a great affect and impact on others around him/her. One person can be the difference between life and death, between salvation and defeat, between losing hope and giving hope.

You may be unfamiliar with the tragedies and atrocities suffered in Rwanda that went overlooked by much of the rest of the world, while turning an “ordinary” man named Paul Rusesabagina into so much more than “just one man.” There was no question of what could he do as “just one person.” There was no question period. He knew he had to do something, and he did so much more than he’d probably ever dreamt that he could.

To put it in terms that may be more familiar, Rusesabagina is the “Oskar Schindler” (Schindler’s List) of Rwanda.

See this movie. This is a powerful film that will make you appreciate your own life and situation more! Don Cheadle was wonderfully cast and was so superb in the lead role that it earned him an Oscar nomination. We at Lick an Ear think he should’ve won the award as well.

In Her Shoes 

1 Lick

2005

Rated PG-13

Cameron Diaz, Toni Collette, Shirley MacLaine, Mark Feuerstein.

If you have a choice between watching this movie or going shoe shopping, go get yourself some new shoes!

This movie on familial relationships seems lacking somehow. Sure, the polar opposite sisters played by Diaz and Collette change, grow and learn to accept, forgive and love one another for who they are by the film’s end; but I found I didn’t really care what they or anyone else in the movie thought of each other. In fact, the shoes weren’t even all that special.

Now, go buy yourself that new pair of shoes you deserve, or…if you have a sister, maybe just “borrow” a pair from her closet and step into them, even if you’re a guy! We won’t tell! (We’ll keep it in the closet for you.)

Interview with the Vampire

2 Licks

1994

Rated R

Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Kirsten Dunst, Antonio Banderas, Christian Slater, Stephen Rea.

As much as I enjoy this Anne Rice vampire story, Tom Cruise was not the ideal cast in the role of the vampire Lestat. Cruise as Lestat actually started this movie off in a negative rating, but the rest of the movie elements and film casting managed to salvage 2 Licks from what was almost less than zero.

As a child actress, Kirsten Dunst excelled in the role of the cute but oh-so-devilishly evil vampire Claudia. She was pure evil disguised in the sugar of an adorable, doll-toting little girl in a dress…a vampire ages older and much less innocently “harmless” than she would ever look. And as jealous as many a woman may be when it comes to how Claudia would never look her age, no woman likely ever wants to be stuck as a woman in a little girl’s body forever!

Pitt did surprisingly well in his role as the vampire Louis, even managing to appease book fans by keeping the character true to how he was written in the Anne Rice novel (by the same name as this movie).

Enjoyable film for vampires, vampire wannabes, vampire fans and fans of the Anne Rice vampire novels, though don’t expect much of pretty-boy Tom Cruise if you don’t want to be disappointed.

Invincible

3.5 Licks

2006

Rated PG

Mark Wahlberg, Greg Kinnear, Elizabeth Banks.

This story is based on and inspired by a long-time fan of the Philadelphia Eagles named Vince Papale (played by Mark Wahlberg) – a man who realized the dream of many a football fan when he became a member of the team he had followed so passionately through the years.

Willing to try something different, Eagles’ coach Dick Vermeil scheduled open tryouts for the team. Suffering both personal and financial hardships at the time, Vince gave his dream a shot by trying out for the team. And though he didn’t think he had a chance, he landed a spot on the team.

Wahlberg gives a solid performance as a football fan turned pro. Invincible’s greatest strength is that it’s a real story…one that proves some dreams can come true. And if you’re one of those dreaming of a future as a pro football player, you should definitely see this movie! It’ll keep your dream alive or help you live it through Vince and the Eagles.

Jeremiah Johnson

2 Licks

1972

Rated PG

Robert Redford, Will Geer, Delle Bolton.

In this “old western” drama, Redford plays a man who decides to escape the life he’s known and the world as it’s become. He heads into the mountains to become a “mountain man,” learning how hard a life that is, even as beautiful and serene as the mountains can seem.

An older mountain man he comes across gives him shelter and teaches him how to survive life as a mountain man before Redford’s character is once again on his own. Crossing paths with both friendly and unfriendly Indians, the life of a mountain man is a tenuous one…with many hardships, risks and dangers most of us would rather forego.

Jeremiah Johnson is a good movie for its era and subject matter, but not a movie that you would have wanted to use for “mountain man recruitment” purposes back in the day. Something about crossing paths with some tribes of vengeful Indian warriors out for blood – your blood – just doesn’t give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside.

The movie is a bit slow-paced and quiet, so if you’re tired, it could lull you to sleep. Then again, it would be your own fault for choosing to watch a drama when you’re tired.

Last Kiss, The 

0 Licks

2006

Rated R

Zach Braff, Jacinda Barrett, Rachel Bilson, Blythe Danner, Tom Wilkinson, Casey Affleck.

This would have been perfect if only it were a “made for TV” LMN (Lifetime Movie Network) movie. It’s the perfect movie for a female to watch when she’s in her LMN or WE (Women’s Entertainment) watching mode. Sad, emotional and all too real to be anything but depressing. When you’re feeling like wallowing in emotions, you might watch this movie, even though its story is from the male’s perspective on how those irritable “magic” numbers affect even them.

As if dealing with one’s own life and turning 30 isn’t difficult enough, this movie forces you to watch how a group of male friends handles their issues around that age. Depressing, but then again, maybe it’s uplifting in a sense, too…as you might find you would have handled things much better than any and all of them!

This movie gets no licks, unless as I mentioned, you’re a female, are into sad, depressing realities or LMN and WE movies and are in that particular mood at the time you see this movie.

Warning: Men should avoid watching this movie at all costs. No good could come of watching The Last Kiss, as it will only make your women wonder about you and what’s going on in your mind…especially if you’re around age 30! You’ll be lucky to get your own “last kiss” if you watch this together. In which case, I guess there is ONE reason men might want to watch this --- if you’re a man on the verge of breaking up, maybe this movie could do the breaking for you.

Match Point

0 Licks

2005

Rated R

Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Scarlett Johansson, Matthew Goode, Emily Mortimer.

Characters in a child’s coloring book are more developed and three-dimensional than the characters of Match Point. And being that the characters in a coloring book are on paper, they’re also more flexible and bendable than the stiffness of acting by this film’s players.

Boy meets girl. Girl is hot and sexy. Boy is dating another girl. Boy marries that girl but obsesses over the smolderingly sexy woman he can’t have…until he has her and has her and has her. Girl obsesses about boy after he has her. Boy still wants his apple crisp and cherry pie, too; but would he trade the apple that came with riches and connections, if the cherry would cost him to lose the easy successes, acceptance and advantage he’d become so used to?

In the end, no one really cares, as these characters are greatly emotionless, chalky and bland. Skip this movie, instead, buying a coloring book and crayons. As you color, the story you could develop would be easily more enticing and entertaining. Not to mention, coloring book characters tinted with colors such as burnt sienna, hot magenta and any other crayons are definitely more vibrant and lively than the acting displayed in this movie.