Lick Ratings: Lick's Picks Rating Scale for Entertainment Reviews from Onyx at Lick an Ear

Lick an Ear: Onyx's Guide to Insanity . . . . enhancing verbal neurons the natural way!

Lick's Picks Rating Scale

Who needs stars...other than the ones actually in the movies or lighting the skies at night...when you can rate by number of licks instead?! How many licks can a movie take? Our ratings explained...

What's in a lick?

How many lickings does it take?

And just what exactly does a lick or two mean?

Our rating scale typically runs from zero licks to 4 licks. However, once in awhile, there are exceptions, wherein a movie will receive a negative rating (this is bad...very bad!)...or other cases, wherein a movie is so well-loved, it will receive up to 5 licks! The more licks a movie gets, the better it is! It's a simple scale, but I'll explain it anyway for those who may want a more visual or graphic picture.

Learn our scale, and then enjoy the entertainment reviews and picks as only Lick an Ear's ear-licker, Ms Onyx, herself can offer. Movie and entertainment reviews with a fresh edge and a side of tongue, Onyx-style!

*Lick's Picks...The Lick Rating Scale*
# of Licks		Licks Defined
-1		You want me to lick this?! Yeah, right! I'd sooner cut off my tongue with a dull blade, fry it in lard and have it for dinner, coated in gravy made of eye mucous, toe jam and dog drool! Lick this?! Don't be ridiculous! You could catch an incurable, highly contagious disease from licking this...even if it is just a movie!

0		A dog wouldn't lick this even if it were his own balls and they tasted like ham bone!

1		A dog would lick this, but only if you dressed up like a barnyard animal, basted the movie like a turkey, starved the dog for 48 hours...and licked it yourself first. shudder

2		I can't feel my tongue. It's frozen to a metal pole again, isn't it? My tongue is numb...same as I'd feel about this movie if I had any feeling left in my tongue! =p

3		Yum, this tastes like one of those $5 chocolate liqueur truffles you only find during the holidays or special occasions...you know, like Buy Yourself Some Fluffy Bunny Slippers and Lounge All Day on the Couch Day!

4		Remember that lollipop with the candy or gum in the center? Well, this is so good that you'll lose track of the number of licks it takes to get to the center!

5		Meow!!!! Not even a cat can resist the desire to lick something this hot, cool or unbelievably mesmerizing! A tongue could get addicted to the sweet, delicious taste of this!

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