Asses as Opinions: The Indigistible Sushi Philosophy (sarcasm by Onyx)

Lick an Ear: Onyx's Guide to Insanity . . . . enhancing verbal neurons the natural way!

The following spoofs a gamer’s article on opinions. The “philosophic” poser pretends to have an opinion…yet you’d rarely hear more than mindless “fluff” from the poser directly. Anything beyond that, requiring any serious statement or action…would generally be done by the poser’s lackeys so it wouldn’t cost the person the possible loss of any popularity points or fan club members.

However, having become a “writer” (and I use the term loosely =p) of a message board newsletter for a game played, the poser suddenly attempts to make a difference by role-playing that he/she even knows what an opinion is. In all non-realities…the poser is simply too clueless and too weak to ever do anything with an opinion other than hand it off to someone else as if it were a baton in a relay race. Or better yet…a hot potato one wouldn’t want to get burnt from handling.

Did you ever think asses shared so many similarities with opinions, or that one could almost be viewed as a synonym for another? With no further adieu, let version #1 of the “opinion” spoofing begin and maybe you will:

My 88.6 Pieces of Indigestible Sushi

Assholes. Every single person has one, and some of us have many. Most of the time, I'm happy to share all of mine with you. But does that mean that one person's asshole is better than another's? Quite simply, yes! Every asshole is different, with different angles, moles, shapes, textures and experiences! *gasp* No one asshole is always right for my lips, nor is any single ass - like me - always right. (There are always two cheeks to every story…er, to every ass.) But there are always some right in front of my lips! There are many different ways to kiss someone's ass, different experiences shading someone's ass with lip prints of assorted colors. (My favorite shade is Soft Pink Flamingo.)

Some ass forcing another ass to crap out my fake words will help me in the long…and short "runs," too! (Ewww!) I CAN expect every asshole to agree with my ass all the time. This makes me Barbie's ass, and them…Kens' asses, Barbies' asses or robotically programmed assholes. People's different assholes are the one and only thing that makes us each unique! No two assholes look the same, smell the same, fart the same or feel the same. Some are hard asses. Some are soft. Some asses are disguised as arses. =p Some are complete asses. Some asses belong to horses. Some are even lame-asses, like me/mine. And still others…are dumbasses. No two assholes should have to be the same. Differences in assholes are what makes the ass kissing and booty shaking go around like the “wave” at a baseball stadium. Even that doesn't make my asses wrong, but it does somehow make mine better!

Every ass should be allowed to sphincter for themselves, not be beaten (unless the ass is into that sort of thing)…not be forced to be just an average, ordinary assembly =p line ass. I know some assholes disagree that my asshole is the best one to kiss, but it's true. I'm an asshole, and this is just some smartass's version of my 88.6 pieces of indigestible sushi shoved up yours!

Logging out. Until next time, remember, my BS and my asses are here for those who <3 me! Would you like to see my ass? ( | ) Have a suggestion of someone that would be an asset for an interview? Want to screw someone’s ass over? Let me know, and my henchman will gladly be the ass for the job if it suits my purpose. See you all kissing my ass again soon…

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