My 33,156 Gaseous BMs

Every day, you're a part of it, a part of me. You wake up, you go there, to me…whether it's to download, unload, tinkle or purge. It's your *cough* my *cough* community…and it only exists because of me!

 

I'm the cold porcelain god or goddess you worship, even as you're hurling the contents of your guts out into me, or finally dropping that spicy bean burrito you thought you'd never digest. You're all a part of me…your community is my communal unisex toilet. And sometimes, it really stinks in there or disgusts you so much you'd rather not "go there," be there or even acknowledge the existence of it. At other times, the noxious fumes of a strong air freshener and sterile cleanser make it all seem fresh and gleaming in beauty again…even if it's still a bit of a cesspool for germs and cling-ons that lost elasticity elsewhere.

 

Community is made up of all that a communal unisex toilet entails, and all of you have some role to play in the pooper that I am. I am the porcelain god or goddess…and there can be only one!

 

The "closer" you are to me, the more likely you're the floaters. You rise above all the rest because you're shallow and probably have an empty mind – not to mention, you're gassy and full of air – so, of course, you float and rise to the top! Lack of personality for the win! I <3 floaters the most!

 

The further you are from the top of my "throne," the more likely, you're the sinkers…anchors of the community. Some think those types of anchors are a good thing, but in my community, they’re not! It means you're too "deep" for most of us to understand or even care to.  You’re sunk, and we like it that way!

 

Some of you are urine, and though sterile in most cases, you still color the community, diluting it in some way with your presence. You’re there amongst us and we notice you. However, other than a few small ripples and some possible backsplash, you’re relatively harmless and we can co-exist with you quite peacefully.

 

There's still so much more to community, but I need to remind you that without me --- the "porcelain potty" that I insist you worship --- none of you would have anywhere to go (literally =p), no community.

 

Maybe some of you are the anti-bacterial, sanitizing cleanser that clings to the bowl and under the rim. You're more like "lurkers," silently watching the rest of the community while trying not to be noticed or not to mix in with the other elements. And then along comes the toilet bowl brush, vigorously scrubbing and trying to cleanse the "community" of its bacterial elements. Maybe some of you are the brush, wanting to make a change or a difference for the better, but always fighting a battle that you can win only temporarily before you vanish into the shadows again for awhile.

 

And yes, some of you are that bacteria just waiting for your opportunity to grow as you latch on with all your might and will. You're holding your breath, hoping the cleanser and brush won't find  and make you obsolete…a fading memory within moments as you're soon sent swirling ever downward until you're no longer seen nor heard, not even in the far reaches of someone's mind.

 

Another part of community is the "flush." It's an integral part of me and my system. I "jiggle" the cold, metallic handle to alert those below that I'm about to flush, so be warned or you'll find yourselves being sucked down into the sewers, rats invading and assaulting you.

 

But those rats, too, are a part of community. They're the extended community that ensures I maintain my throne and ruling over all. They "keep" the peace for me, by taking care of those that don't fall in line with me. They make a non-issue of those types, but you never know…it's possible that one of those rats might even " give an ass," so maybe my having flushed one of “those types” actually helps them in the long run…unless they’re diarrhea. Even I can't help diarrhea!

 

Back to the main community, inside the porcelain, is that sanitizer that the brush missed. It clings valiantly to the underside of the rim. And more than just a "lurker," the cleanser is now an "enabler" as well…never making its presence known in any way to fight off the bacteria and atrocities so obviously prevalent. Though those unsavory elements may bother the clinging sanitizer, it remains silently immobile, cowering in fear of retribution and disdain from the porcelain god or goddess if the sanitizer's ill thoughts of floaters and other bacteria ever come to light. The cleanser silently clings to the fringes of the community, eventually to be flushed. Its existence barely made noticeable before it's too late and it's gone forever.

 

And once again…this porcelain throne I call my world, my community and yours…is a haven. It's a cold, sterile bowl with even colder water running ever more still. And no matter if the seat is up or down, you're all still mine and there's no escaping this "community"…save for the flush that sends you into the sewers. Sometimes, even that doesn't work though, and you return, but even if I have to flush 3 or more times, I will rid myself of you eventually if I perceive you as having jeopardized or threatened my porcelain throne or crown in any way.

 

Maybe you're the ass my seat is kissing right now as you give some of your input to the community…or maybe you're the toilet paper coated with things we'd all rather not see or hear about. You invade our territory, whether quilted and softly squeezable or rough as sandpaper. You unbalance the community, creating chaos, pandemonium and a change in pH. (No, wait! It's the urine that changed that…even I know that! =p)

 

Sometimes, there is too much shist or paper products in the community…and this porcelain bowl isn't big enough for all of us. That's when the plunger comes in handy. The plunger is my savior, the one who forcefully rids your community --- me, your porcelain god or goddess --- of elements both savory and unsavory, until once again, I'm just a cold, empty bowl with cold, stagnant water. And it's when I'm the most empty that I look the best and lure you, the contents of your stomach and/or digestive system in.

 

That emptiness and pristine, clinical, porcelain shimmer make me seem fresh, especially if one of you is that scented "cling-on" deodorizer that's just been stealthily hidden inside, spreading artificially sweet scents through my midst. With my porcelain and that artificial scent, the rest of you are lured in, falsely secure and serenely calmed. Once you're in this "community," your ass – among other things – is mine! =p

 

And when you leave this community that my porcelain is, you're only a small, almost unnoticed byproduct of my sewage…er, sewer system.

 

But what about me? Well, I'm the community teeming with bacteria, shist, toilet paper, cleanser and other things that don't necessarily belong in toilets. But you know what? It's all a part of community…more specifically, the community that couldn't exist if my porcelain wasn't there to contain you all and to shut the lid on things or plunge you when you're too much for me to control on my own. Luckily, you still worship me, thinking it's your own hand down your throat as you violently hurl last night's booze and food into the cold, pristine bowl that suddenly no longer smells or appears as enticing as you'd once thought it to be.

 

 

Closing the lid until I flush again, don’t forget to worship the porcelain god or goddess I am, and maybe I’ll let you clean the community bowl, or at least sink or float in it! =p Until my porcelain kisses your ( | ) ass again…<3

 

 

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