My apologies for spoofing /parodying a tribute to someone having passed on to the next greater level of existence, but given the author (using the term loosely)…it had to be done. It’s amazing how pleasant and genuine one can sound given the right circumstances, and yet that person is still the same shallow shell that’s only role-playing “care” when convenient and necessary to maintain a certain status or level within a virtual “community” that’s less of a community and more of a gagged gaggle of lemmings he or she can manipulate at will. Saddest part is that being lemmings…most fall in line without fail or question.

My 47.375 Stale Bread Crumbs

Generally, this space is used to advertise our community my collective. This time, though, I am using this segment for something even greater - toilet paper. I mean, I’d like to talk about a great pixel who is still right here in your midst. Me! You might not have known me but if not, then you must’ve had your head under a rock a long time! I run the collective of a pretend world. I didn’t know me that well until a flightless-bird I kissed up to made me, not that I’m actually admitting that in public. (You didn’t read that. Erase that from your memory.) I never really met me before, except when I walked past mirrors. But I recently passed gas, leaving a gaping asshole in my collective that was much bigger than most people would’ve thought. Must be a side effect from all the kissing my ass has received, which is in turn, a side effect from all the ass-kissing my lips have done. 

I erected a shrine to me just because I needed something to do while standing at my pretend abode preening at my pretend self, and I wasn’t in the least bit amazed at how deeply everyone lubs me. I mean, I’m the me they want to believe I pretend I am even if I’m really not that me at all. Of course, they lub me! They talk about my pretend *spanks*, my grats, my pretend domicile and all the “hons” I squeal out as high-pitched as a bunch of nervous pre-teen girls at the mall after they’ve seen a particularly “yummy” boy. I became the very essence of life to those of you that never really knew me until the moment my shrine hit you on the head & knocked you unconscious. The unveiling of the shrine ceremony reminded me of the utterly contrived and meaningless BS we’ve shared through the years, and how my true lack of real personality shows through so clearly. I am more transparent than even I realized, but luckily most of you are looking at me through closed eyelids, so you never see! Go me! <3 me! 

Thinking back to the countless occasions I had interacted with me, made me ponder just how much I truly don’t care about any of you, save for me. Yet still, I would pretend sacrifice all just to pretend be there for you in the most superficial of ways. I love pretending, especially pretending that I care. I’m so good at it! I gave almost all I came in contact with a *thwap*, and a “hon,” cuz I’m that easy. That’s freely given not just to my collective, but to anyone that might possibly be conned by my acting abilities on any number of days in the past, and probably some in the future, too. 

I would make grats, often about my collective to make others feel left out, which really gives me a boost because those left out are the ones who don’t suck up to me. I truly don’t really care about the people on the other side of the monitor or keyboard (unless I’m looking in a mirror). This is just a game to me. My collective is my family and the whole pretend world is my home. Me…mine, that’s right! Someday, you’ll all be swearing an oath to me…er, swearing your oath to me! 

Someone said that we should grant me the title of Guild Ho. I’m sure that’s short for hostess, so yeah, Guild Ho…that’s truly “me.” I would give me anything I had, just so I could continue to enjoy the superficiality that I <3 so much. I make it all so perfect for me and those that lub me, or at least fake it! I <3 to find noobs and brainwash them so they can be as perfectly shallow as I am. I am an empty-headed female, one that makes all those other fools better by dumbing them down until they’re as empty as me. 

After listening to others who really know me not at all, I think you fictional people should kiss my ass even more. I am truly that special that you just can’t suck up to me enough. I want everyone to remember the pretend <3 shist I am full of, and maybe they can throw out more pretend <3 shist to others, too, in honor of me! The greatest tribute that I could give me is that, plus to remember everything I pretend did, in addition to my grats and my hons that are so far reaching a suck-up to people who <3 me that even I can’t get the images out of my empty head. And my head’s empty, so that’s really saying something! 

Even people whom I only screwed over briefly, or who didn’t know me at all are affected by me. I am a shallow toon that wades in the pooled rain puddles, splashing everyone with dirty water unless they’ve already kissed my ass. Then, I leave them be. We’re all fortunate to know and lub me! I BS my way through so much, and yet things could be even better if you just believe more of my BS. For those of you that know me better, you know what I mean. 

Regardless of what you believe, I know that I am and always have been on some alternate plain of heaven, looking down my nose at everyone here, but me. I am peering over you as an angel whose wings are as useless as a penguin’s, just as I always have since grounded birds came into my life. It’s my collective and I’m larger and more in charger =p than ever! I’m looking down my nose at you as I screw over those outsiders creating tough times for themselves by not being weak enough to kiss my ass. And I’m busy pretending to be “away from the keyboard” when you need me. You might not see me, but I’m always there for me. I will never ever abandon you so long as you are fooled by me. I screw over too many people who won’t succumb for me to ever want to leave me, cuz all that makes me lub <3 me more. 

I’d share some lyrics with you that defines the BS of me, but even I couldn’t find any that contrived. So instead, suffice it to say that I will never be forgotten. I may miss me in the 10 minutes I log off each day, and wonder why I had to leave, but my spirit will go on and will always be a part of me. Plus, I’ll be back in 10 minutes anyway. By the way, I left to go post a grats to me thread, on having served my 1,000,000,000^th pretend *thwap* to any number of fictional pixels that really mean nothing to me. Be right back!

Logging out, but as I do so, remember…you are an itty-bitty piece of my collective. You are here to ensure my ass is fully kissed and I am lubbed at all times and in all pretend situations. My collective is only as good as I fake it, and I fake it soooo well! Until penguins fly…… 

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