Ask the O…racle!
	Question: Why are cats more perfect than humans? (Full answer below.)

The number one reason cats are "more perfect" is a complete lack of pretense in cats.

They don't care.

They don't worry.

They don't primp and preen endlessly in front of a mirror or anywhere else, hoping for that flawless look. They don't aspire to that perfect smile with teeth so white they glow in the dark, nor those manicured nails with a more ornate paint job than the Mona Lisa or Sistine Chapel. They don't feel the need to have a "perfect" hair day, nor the need to workout 5 days a week for 2 hours a day in order to obtain "six-pack" abs, bodybuilder muscle definition or swimwear-model-worthy contouring.

They don't even care whether or not you think they're too furry or not furry enough (in the case of hairless cats). Shave? Trim? Brazilian wax? Not in any of their 9 lives, if they can help it! They wouldn't do it for the themselves, nor to please the opposite sex, even if they're on the prowl or in heat. Unlike many a human, cats are smart enough to know Brazilian waxes are NOT worth the torturous pain they cause!

With cats, there's no vanity. No worrying about whether or not "the camera adds 10 pounds."

Dieting?  Anorexia? Bulimia? A cat would never shove its paw down its throat, at least not unless it was a cartoon cat desperate for sustenance --- even pre-chewed food --- after being accidentally locked in a closet for even three minutes. Binging and purging aren't likely, unless they're either sick, have a hairball or are part Siamese, as Siamese are known to enjoy that purging sensation. (For that reason alone, those cats would make excellent supermodels and spry little gymnasts, if only they were into vanity and fashion OR exercise and sexual flexibility.)

No cat worries about its carb intake, water retention or "beer belly." With cats, it's "WYSIWYG" (What You See Is What You Get). Like 'em, love 'em or hate 'em...makes no difference to them. They always land on their feet, literally and figuratively. There are more than enough cat lovers in the world for each to find at least one person who will serve them as they are accustomed to being served, waited on and pampered.

And yet, even with all that royal treatment is yet another reason cats are more perfect than humans. No matter how often they are spoiled and pampered, none develop that superstar, prima donna/diva attitude. You will always be good enough to serve, feed, play with them...and especially to clean their litter boxes. You're even good enough to scratch them behind the ears, pet their bellies and snuggle with them, although they may put up a fuss about the PDA (public display of affection) if others are around when you're snuggling them.

And if you're not a cat lover, cats don't care about that either. It just makes them more determined to get in your face, jump up in your lap and...if allergic...make you sneeze, even if it means you're sneezing on them. What could be more perfectly devious than a cat who plots all that?! I can think of one thing...probably a cat who leaves you a hairball on your pillow. Not exactly a great present, but you have to admit, you've probably wanted to leave "presents" like that for others at times, too!

You're just not "perfect" enough to implement such a devious plan without being caught...or without being subject to a healthy amount of scorn, chastisement and punishment for such actions. A cat, however, is that perfect. After all, cats know if they just give you the right look, make that sweetly cute "meow" or jump into your lap at the right time and immediately start purring...you'll forget about that hairball in no time at all.

They also know that all that cute playfulness and warm, cozy lap-time purring will keep you cleaning their litter box for as long as you both shall live!

Granted, the cat will fall asleep immediately afterwards, as is man's tendency, too...but who can fault the cat for that? It's so draining to be that perfect, that cats need more sleep than us humans do.

(Note: This is NOT to say men are perfect. Sorry. Men probably just fall asleep because we women "drain" them in more ways than one. But men love us for at least some of that draining ability. *wink*)

Finally, another reason cats are more perfect than humans is that cats are, first and foremost, themselves.

• They don't "politic" or hide behind a curtain of half-truths.

• They don't weave a web of lies just to be what they think is expected or hoped of them.

• They don't put on an act or play a role just to please others.

A cat is a cat. You simply accept them...hairballs and all...or they'll find someone else who will!

We humans can learn a lot from cats. In the same way that you cannot change a cat, you cannot change your significant other just to please yourself. And if "change" is your goal or focus, you are far from the perfection that is "cat." We should all aspire to be cats.

Maybe we're not ready to lick our own "fur" or asses to clean ourselves, but if we dropped the pretenses we each individually cling to, we could be more perfect in the celebration of individual imperfections.

On second thought......

......keep up the pretenses, or else hundreds of high-powered execs, designers, entrepreneurs, models and other support staff in the fashion, personal care and beauty industry would be without jobs. It'd be selfish for such an utter lack of vanity to cause such wide scale joblessness! Let the cats corner the perfection market. We need industry and overpaid individuals with thickly painted-on faces, designer gowns, expensive manicures and over-plasticized features! It gives us something to talk about at the water cooler in the break room at work.

Earnote: When surveyed, 9 of 10 cats agreed: humans spell perfect incorrectly, as cats feel it should always be spelled "p-u-r-r-f-e-c-t." And for our human spelling faux "paws"...they would like us to know we all owe them more catnip and cat treats! Now!

|   More Q&A...: Ask the O…racle!   |