The World on My Terms…

…a definitive guide to understanding Lick an Ear, the website...and sometimes just life in general. From time to time, you will see the addition of terms and Onyx's version of their definitions ear…er, here.

Ad-duh-vertising - Marketing and product promotions scripted or presented in such a way as to be so obvious that the ad execs appear to treat the general public as stupid or simple-minded, thus it's not so much marketing or "advertising" as it is..."ad-duh-vertising."

Cuburbian -  (pronunciation: kyoob-urb-ee-un) - Resident of the "cuburbs" (see below).

Cuburbs -  (pronunciation: kyoob-urbs) - Clusters of cubicles set up in areas or sections of the workplace. Each cubicle/cube cluster functions as an outlying segment of a larger "community" or division within a workplace or company. These clusters of cubes work together in order to provide services, goods and ideas, as well as to further the goals and direction of upper management.

Dentist - Person responsible for administering the human torture on one's mouth that is known as "dentistry" (see definition below).

Dentistry - Commonly accepted modern form of human torture that focuses on one's mouth, specifically one's teeth and gums. This form of human torture, unlike so many others, has the rare distinction that it is often covered by some form of insurance. Oddly enough, people also actually pay for this form of torture to be performed on themselves and/or their families, whether insured or not.

Directionally Dyslexic - One who experiences extreme difficulty in map reading and navigation - often getting lost, chasing his or her own coattails and going left using his or her “other left” (aka right). The directionally dyslexic are also prone to taking the “bass ackwards” approach.

Dorography - Art and act of self-picture taking with serious consequential adoration of one's own image. Diehard dorographers appear in more of their own pictures than is considered "normal." They may even take pictures of friends, just to have another reason to photograph oneself along with them. They may often be heard calling themselves "cute," and they are probably right. Dorographers primp, preen and voice this self-admiration exuberantly without hesitancy in the company and presence of others. This is not to be confused with Doragraphy, which is a childlike addiction to the show and/or character of Dora and anything Dora-related.

Ear candy - This is not earrings, nor ear clips. This is also not just the music or melodious accent/voice that appeals to your ear. In my world, ear candy is that which speaks to your ear - words, lips and tongues - and influences something within you, within your mind. Ear candy is more for entertainment and amusement value, as well as that which makes you scratch your ear in thought as you ponder your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs on whatever the subject matter.

Ear-goggling - Condition in which the ear one licked is attached to something akin to a 10-foot ogre, floppy-eared elephant, cob of corn or drowned rat, but one doesn't realize it until awakening hours later…hugging it, him or her! This often ends in shocked disbelief and hysterically high-pitched decibels of incoherent screaming!

Earmergency - State of urgent or immediate need, requiring action or prompt attention relating to matters of the ear (body part vital to one's sense of hearing). For more information, see: EELS.

Earnote - Means much the same as a “footnote,” but less smelly and less troublesome when you wonder where it’s been. Earnotes provide comment or added detail to an original message, yet are not a required part of the basic message.

Earotic - An ear that is found to be very sexual, sexually stimulating, delicious or desirable. This ear, on occasion, may even taste of chocolate or whipped cream.

Excusify - Justifying one's own behavior with excuses, reasons or any related list thereof. The act of excuse-making that justifies to oneself one's own feelings of failure, broken promises or missed deadlines though generally fooling no one but oneself. Whereas others may put more importance on moving forward regardless of broken timelines and missed deadlines, the excusifier seems entrenched in his/her own failings and need for self-justification and outward blame-placing. This action is self-guilt motivated. The excusifier is more likely to spend 20 minutes on reasons and excuses than 10 minutes on working toward goals and resolutions. These reasons or excuses generally seem to be designed to make others empathize, sympathize or feel guilt in having expected excusifier to meet reasonable demands or expectations, even those that were self-imposed by no one other than the excusifier.

Hypocrates - (pronunciation: Hip-ahh-kru-teez) - Fictional philosopher who proclaims statements that he/she does not believe nor follow or fictional philosopher that appears “wishy-washy” in his/her statements, tending to change views on matters dependent on situations and/or certain “key” individuals. Hypocrates make exceptions not based on real, tangible or hard-evidence, but on personal weaknesses and being easily swayed by posers whom he/she does not wish to anger or face if the ugly truth were said aloud. Hypocrates is more widely known as a hypocrite.

Incompetemp - The temporary/term employee who makes other “temps” look bad, simply in his/her own exhibitions of inadequacy and inability to perform routine tasks and assignments, thus rendering the “temp”…incompetent. Incompetemps are distrusted and disrespected even by the other “temps,” as they often end up spending countless hours and days correcting the Incompetemp’s mistakes.

Interesting - (general pronunciation: Innn-ter-es-ting) - Term often used in a demeaning or derogatory fashion. When one cannot think of a compliment or other positive comment to make, but still feels the need to comment without outright negativity, one may refer to something as "interesting." This term usually denotes disapproval or dislike of something, yet the person using the word often pretends they intend the statement as a comment that they still need to get used to some new idea, look, behavior or concept. Examples: "You colored your hair purple! How....innnnteresting!" or "His ex-wife brought her life partner to the wedding. It was interesting."

Leprechaundom - Pertains to the world of the Irish, specifically that which relates to leprechauns in title, rank and realm. Leprechaundom is the art and desire to master being or portraying the Irish - a wannabe Irish figurehead, a poser, but a good one. This in no way indicates that leprechauns practice safe sex or wear proper protective equipment, though recommended.

Mentabulemia - That unavoidable sensation or desire one suddenly feels to mentally hurl/puke/vomit after hearing the utterly contrived shist spewed from some unsavory person's mouth.

Mentanorexia - Condition in which afflicted person starves his/her brain, most likely doing so to avoid IQ loss in reading or hearing something, such as a bunch of unbelievably over-the-top, ass-kissing BS that's neither medicated nor prescribed.

Plastic personality - Individual who portrays him or herself a certain way to others, exhibiting care, concern, interest, etc. on the most superficial, surface levels. Dig just a centimeter below that surface, and you’ll find where the synthetic plastic ends and the ultimate insincerity begins. Those exhibiting plastic personalities are often also known as “Pop Kiddies.”

“Pop Kiddies” - The popular or well-known posers and wannabes, often found in virtual realms, hiding behind fictional IDs of their own creation. “Pop Kiddies” basically achieve or gain their inflated statuses through means of deceit and superficiality. Their actions and statements publicly do not match how they portray themselves in private or behind ones back. They are sly and slippery creatures who have the ability to con most others into willingly believing they are “all that” and can do no wrong…or at least no wrong that can’t somehow be justified or talked their way out of. “Pop Kiddies” often believe their own lines and think everyone wants to listen to their BS 24/7. These posers and wannabes are usually compensating for failure in other areas of their own realities they wish not to admit nor acknowledge. The term “Pop Kiddies” does not in any way refer to consumption of carbonated beverages, although sometimes you do fear they’re a bit over-carbonated.

Scare-ipe -  (pronunciation: Skair-ip-ee) - Recipe of and for horror, particularly intended for the creation of scary, horrific or fear-inducing movies or tales in regards to Halloween, Friday the 13th or any other time a good scare is called for! Specific scare-ipes can be found here.

Shist - Generally accepted “urban” term for that which you can guess…in kinder terms, manure, crap, sewage, garbage or anything moderately resembling that which sticks to the bottom of your shoe like gum but is so disgusting you aren’t quite sure what it originally was in fresh and pure form, if it ever was fresh or pure. There are varying levels and degrees of shist, so usage and depth may vary accordingly.

Smack-Talker - Fictional being who was intellectually castrated upon Immaculate Conception. (May have suffered much the same fate upon RL birthing process.) When this fictional being’s over-sized ego is talking, you generally want to smack him/her upside the head…repeatedly (maybe even until one of you passes out *gasp*). Preferably not you. *wink*

Trollophile - Fixated stalker or watcher of board and/or gamer icons, identities and personas. Often has a “list” he/she follows, tracks and monitors. Some trollophiles are relatively harmless and rarely heard from, whereas others consider themselves vocal “friends” of those they “watch”…and still others are sometimes extremist paranoid schizophrenics thinking they’re being watched even as they watch you. Sometimes, they’re right. The trollophilees (ones being stalked)…also often moonlight as trollophiles themselves!

Victoryatorianomist - Pronunciation: vik-ta-ree-ah-toe-ree-on-oh-mist. Fictionalized word used in an Onyxism. This non-word “word” is, not only a bit of a tongue twister, but also a combination of terms representing victory, valedictorian and economist. (If you can say it, spell it and master the word as a tongue twister, you clearly must be a victoryatorianomist, if only there really was such a thing! *wink* )